Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind
by NALEY23alwaysforever
Summary: Post 2x23. What if Erin left someone else behind when she quit? Love. Family. Linstead. Mostly ErinxVoight, ErinxJay, JayxVoight [Jay Angst and a little bit of Jay Whump - Intelligence Unit and other CPD members also]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, in all honesty…I have no idea where this came from. I was daydreaming and it occurred to me and I figured 'well why not write a fic on it?'. So, I hope you like this idea!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **NOTE: For the sake of this story, let's say Erin and Jay's One day happened a year and a half ago during 1x06 so that this all makes sense. I've used the episode air date of 1x06 and 2x23 as a bit of a reference for the timeline and Ben's age :)**

 **~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~**

"Actually I quit" Erin says as she carelessly throws her badge onto the bar.  
"And what about Jay? What about Ben?" You can't just leave them" Hank asked.  
Erin froze at the mention of the two men. She brought the beer to her lips and took a big chug before shrugging her shoulders "they're both better off without me. Look how well being close to me turned out for Nadia" she whispered

Hank opened his mouth to speak but was cut off as Bunny walked up to Erin and put her hands on her daughter's shoulders.  
"Hank" Bunny smiled fakely "This is a sensitive matter, Erin just really needs to be with _family_ right now" Bunny said tauntingly.  
Hank could feel the steam coming out of his ears as he looked at the train wreck that was Erin's mother. He wanted to yell. To scream. To tell her that she wasn't Erin's family. That she never had been. But he didn't.  
Instead, he picked up her badge of the bar and walked out the door.

"Halstead" Hank sighed into his phone "We've got a problem" he says looking back at the bar from where he sat in his car.  
"I'll meet you in 20" Jay said as she gathered his things and headed out of his apartment.

…

Jay walked up the stairs to the intelligence Unit, wiping his eyes tiredly as he entered the office. He walked straight into Hank's office where the man sat staring at Erin's badge.  
"So it's true" Jay said "She really gave up on us"  
"She's in a dark place Jay" Hank said "She just needs some time?"  
"And what am I supposed to do?" Jay said as he looked down at the baby that lay on his chest in his carrier  
"I don't know Jay, just look after my grandson. And pray that Erin comes back"

Jay smiled as the nine-month-old baby snuggled up against his chest. He gently placed him down in his crib and sat on the edge of the bed that he and Erin used to share.

The two partners had gotten together the night of her high school reunion, but both agreed that they would stay professional. Three months later, Erin realised she was pregnant. And that's when things got a bit messy.

They were up-front with Hank, who had been absolutely livid when he found out, but - after much debate, and a black eye for Halstead - he agreed to let both Erin and Jay stay in the unit since they were not pursuing a relationship.

And six months later, Benjamin William Halstead was born. November 10th, 2014. Two weeks before his due date, but perfectly healthy. He had his father's green eyes and his mother's dirty blonde-brown hair. He had the brightest, gummy smile and little button nose. He had the entire unit, including Burgess and Roman, wrapped around his little fingers.

Erin had moved to the task force and she and Jay had started dating. They were content with their little family, and even Voight seemed to turn a blind eye when Erin returned to the unit again. Everything was going well. Until Nadia died.

Erin didn't talk. She grew distant from Voight, Jay and the baby and started coming home late, alcohol covering her breath and clothing. Sometimes she'd come stumbling through the doors. And then a week ago, she just stopped coming home at all. She started crashing at Bunny's house, and at her old apartment since Nadia had leased it out when Erin and Jay moved in together to take care of Ben.

Jay tried to help her, but she just shut him out. She didn't want to see him, or her son. She thought she was protecting them by keeping them out of her life, but all she was doing was breaking their hearts.

Jay was brought out of his thoughts as Ben started to stir slightly. He walked over to the crib and placed his hand on the baby's round tummy, gently rubbing circles as Ben's chubby legs squirmed in content. Jay smiled as he looked at his son's bright and hopeful eyes.

"It's just you and me for a while buddy. Mama's gonna be gone for a little bit" he whispered as his son started to fall back to sleep  
"I'll get her back though, don't worry. I'll find a way" Jay promised his son as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked the screen and saw a message

 _New case. Bring the kid, we're gonna be here a while._

 _Voight_

 **A/N: OK! So, again, I'm not 100% sure where this idea came from but it's been stuck in my head for MONTHS and I just wanted to try and write it out and see what became of it. And with the emotional episode last night I felt really inspired to finally finish this chapter.**

 **I named the baby Benjamin William in honour of Ben Corson because last night's episode and the situation Ethan was in with his coach reminded me so much of Ben Corson and Ronnie Lodiger. Anyone else think that or am I just crazy?**

 **Anyways, this story will probably only be five chapters max. I'm not very good at writing multi-chapter stories for CPD. One shots are more my thing, but I wanted to at least attempt it! So I hope you enjoyed this chapter and let me know if you think this is worth continuing. The storyline will be similar in terms of the case in 3x01.**

 **Please leave me a review and Let me know what you think!  
(Sorry for the long ass Author's Note :P)**

 **Maddie :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Can I just start by saying, you are all. absolutely. AMAZING.** **  
 **Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I love that you all like this story it makes me so happy haha**  
 **I hope you like the next chapter, I'm aiming for about 5 chapters with this story - give or take a couple.****

 **I kind of skipped re-writing the bit where jay gets taken because it goes down the exact same way as it does in the show and it made the chapter waaaaay too long! I've put a lot of scenes in this chapter but I couldn't really find a place to end and I wanted to get as much in as possible so we can get to the good part.**

 **NOTE: To 'LinsteadLove' I know I was a bit unclear in trying to set up the foreground of the story. Erin and Jay are not together at first. However – like in the show - they get together when Erin moves to the task force and are still together when she returns to the unit and even when Nadia dies, they're just not all open and publically affectionate about it. They're just one of those couples that are low-key I guess. Hope that clears it up :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~ Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind ~**

 ***3 weeks later** *****

"OK! Benji's given us the location of his brother, and he's setting up a meeting with him now" Voight's raspy voice boomed through the office as he walked from the interrogation room through to his office doorway. He had left Al and Ruzek to track the call Benji was making while he informed the team o the current situation.  
"Well we've got to set up a buyer then" Antonio Dawson said from his seat.  
"Benji's already picked for us" Voight grumbled. His gaze shifted to Jay bopping up and down at his desk with Ben cradled in his arms  
"Halstead, you're going"

Jay looked down at Ben and sighed. He hated leaving him, even if it was only for a few hours. But he had a job to do. He looked back up at Voight and nodded.  
"Alright, let's get to work. Someone pull out $500,000 from the funds. Antonio, grab Benji's official statement. Mouse, get a wire set up and a tracking device on Halstead's phone" Voight ordered as he looked at Jay before walking into his office, the younger man following behind him.

"What's up Sarge?" Jay asked as he shut the door and sat down at the desk. Ben whimpered slightly and jay adjusted him so he was cradled against his Dad's chest.  
"Are you sure you're right to do this?" Voight asked  
Jay looked down at his son, resisting the urge to say no. "I'm not gonna lie. I really wish Erin was here, I'd feel a lot better leaving Ben knowing that she was here. But I don't really have a choice to do I?" He shrugged  
"I'll take care of him. You have my word on that" Voight said

Jay smirked at Voight's words "Do you think that can start now? I have something I need to do"  
Voight shook his head before standing up and reaching out to take his grandson from Jay  
"You're pushing your luck Halstead. Let me know how it goes"

Jay smiled and thanked his Sergeant before leaving a kiss on Ben's head and walking out of the Intelligence office.

* * *

Erin squinted as she stumbled out of the club, her eyes protesting at the stream of light that blinded her. She pulled her aviators down off the top of her head and sighed in relief as they blocked out the cruel glare of the sun. She smiled as she saw her friends getting into their cars, yelling out different versions of 'see you back at your place'.

She walked slowly to her car, and groaned as she saw the person blocking her path.  
"What are you doing here?" She said as she walked past him.  
Jay reached out and grabbed her arm pulling her to him.  
"You know Voight put you on furlough for three weeks right? That ends tomorrow"

Erin looked up at him as she ripped her arm out of his grasp  
"I'm perfectly fine where I am thanks" she said walking to her car  
"And what about Ben!?"  
Erin froze at the mention of her son. She had tried her hardest not to think about him, or anyone from her old life, for the past three weeks to no avail. His bright blue eyes were permanently etched in her memory. She closed her eyes, taking in a breath before turning back to face the man she loved. This is what she had to do. She had to protect them.

"What do you want from me Jay?" she replied stubbornly, folding her arms across her chest.  
She was shocked when Jay scoffed and stepped forward reaching out his arm, and practically ripping the sunglasses from her face. She looked down for a moment, as if to try and hide the fact that she was high as a kite right now. But Jay wouldn't have it. He grabbed her chin and pushed her face up so she was looking him straight in the eye.

"Tell me it's over. That you're done. That you're throwing it all away" Jay said, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke "Your unit, your family. Your own son. Tell me that none of it matters to you, and I'll go"  
tears filled Erin's eyes but she wouldn't let them fall. She steeled herself, looking him square in the eyes once more before she uttered the words

"Are you done talking now?"  
Jay shook his head. This wasn't the woman he knew. This wasn't his partner, his friend. This was not the mother of his child. This was Bunny. This was all Bunny's influence. But in that moment it didn't matter. He couldn't hold in the anger, the disappointment. The hatred he felt towards Erin Lindsay in that moment.

"Like mother like Daughter, huh?" He scoffed "I don't know who you are, but tell Erin she made me a better cop…If you ever see her again"

And with that Erin watched as Jay walked away from her, and out of her life. Possibly forever.

* * *

If you asked Jay Halstead to recall the events of the last few hours, he could honestly say to you that he had no clue how he got here.

Everything was going well, until Derek Keyes held a gun to his own brother's head and shot him. That was when Jay knew he was in trouble. His instincts kicked in and he fought as hard as he could; however, even he wasn't strong enough to fight through the Taser's relentless electric pulse. He couldn't really remember much after that. He figured Derek and his guy had given him something to knock him out until they reached the house.

Jay groaned as he was thrown from the backseat, over someone's shoulder, and then slammed down onto the floor of Derek's study a few moments later. His body protested greatly, already feeling the bruises form on his body. He was slowly aware of the fact that he was being lifted, he felt his arms moved above his head and something wrapped around his wrists. Jay groggily looked up and saw that his hands had been bound by rope. He looked down and saw that his feet had been bound as well. He was swinging slightly and he felt slightly nauseous from the movement.

"Detective Jay Halstead" Derek Keyes said as he slapped the baseball bat into his palm repeatedly.  
"Former Ex-Ranger. Works for the Intelligence Unit in the 21st District of the Chicago Police Department-"  
"Is there a point to all of this or are you just gonna keep rambling?" Jay gritted out.  
Derek chuckled "And how's your son? Ben, correct?" he smirked as Jay's eyes widened and he flinched.  
"You may want to cooperate with me, otherwise things will get _real_ ugly for you and your son. And that pretty little partner of yours too"

Jay's eyes hardened. He sat up straight before looking Derek straight in the eye "If you touch her, or my son, you're gonna see how ugly _I_ can get" Derek chuckled  
"HEY!" Jay yelled as he writhed against the rope "If you touch my family, I will fucking kill you!"

 _Crack._

That was definitely a rib, Jay thought after Derek swung the bat against his chest. Jay gritted his teeth again when Derek's partner punched him repeatedly in the lower torso. He wouldn't break. He was trained for this, he was trained to survive.

 _'Visualise what you're fighting for Halstead. Remember what you're fighting to come back home to. Who you're coming back home to'_

The words of his Army Sergeant came rushing back to him in that moment. He had to keep fighting. For Ben. For Erin. So he could bring her back to their son, to their family. He had to fight.

Derek sighed and put up his hand to stop the man's belligerent beating.  
"You're stubborn. I'll give you that. You may also be the stupidest man I've ever met" he chuckled as he walked closer  
"You're going to be a good little bitch and cooperate, otherwise things will get a lot harder for you and your team" Derek spat the words in jay's face

Halstead chuckled "Clearly you don't know my team, or Hank Voight."  
Derek grunted in frustration before grabbing his video camera and signalled for his guy to continue.  
Jay tried to hold it in. He yelled, screamed and thrashed as he was beaten. He squirmed in pain as the Taser attacked his body, shocking him to his core. He fought against it as long as he could before his body gave out, and everything faded to black.

* * *

The shrill ringing of Hank's phone moved his eyes from the video of Jay, to the screen of his phone. Blocked number.

Hank took a deep breath before pressing answer  
"Voight"  
"I take it you've seen the video by now" Derek's smug voice travelled through the phone  
"What do you want?"  
"Every folder on each CI you've ever had. Send a lone, female operative to drop the box off at the location I send you. You've got until 10am tomorrow morning, or Daddy Halstead over here won't be coming back to his kid in one piece"

Voight threw the water bottle on the desk next to him against the wall, water splashing everywhere in the process. A piercing cry came from his office as he remembered that his grandson was sleeping peacefully in the room.

Hank shut his eyes and took a deep breath before turning and looking back at his team.  
"He wants our CI files. All of them. Mouse, start working on changing the names of each of our informants. The rest of you start pulling photos of maximum security and State prison criminals to use on the folders. We've got three hours, let's move!"

He walked back into his office and picked up the crying infant from his pack-n-play that he had let Jay and Erin set up in his office if they couldn't get someone to watch Ben. He rocked the young boy back and forth in his arms until he settled.  
"I'm sorry little guy. I should've never let your dad go on an op while all this stuff was going on with your mama, it was stupid." Hank sat down on the couch cradling Ben still  
"I'm gonna get him back. And then we'll work on bringing back you mum as well ok? You have my word" he kissed Ben's forehead before placing him back into his cot and walking out to talk to his team.

* * *

Erin stumbled from her living room into the bedroom, flopping down on the soft mattress that greeted her. She and Bunny had been partying non-stop for at least six hours, and she was drained. Erin felt her eyes droop and start to close as sleep hit her.

Until her phone rang.

She looked at the screen and groaned, sitting up as she answered the phone.  
"What do you want Al?" Erin rubbed her eyes as she listened to her pseudo-uncle  
"Look Erin, I know you're on…sabattical right now, and I'm not entirely sure what's going on between you and Jay. But he's the father of your child. I know you care about him, so I figured you'd want to know"

Erin felt panic rise inside of her "Al, what's going on? What's happened?"  
"Jay's been kidnapped"

That woke Erin up faster than any pill ever could.

"Hey, I'll call you back later. Thanks for telling me O" Erin hung up and began pacing the floor.

This was her fault. She thought that by leaving she would be protecting her family, but instead she made it worse. She had left her partner without back-up. She had gotten him kidnapped.  
"I have to fix this" she mumbled as she grabbed her phone and keys and raced out to the living room.

Erin headed towards the stereo and pulled out the cords from behind it, causing the blaring music to cease, much to the protests of her guests.  
"Everyone get out" she said. No one moved.  
"I said GET OUT! NOW!" she pointed to the door, and within minutes everyone was racing out of her apartment.

"Sweetheart" came Bunny from behind her "Why did you kick all your friends out?"  
"They're not my friends" she grumbled.

"Whatever. So where are we heading to?"  
Erin turned to look at her mother "I'm pretty sure I told you to leave"  
Bunny scoffed "Don't be silly dear"  
"I said everyone didn't I? I don't know how much clearer you need me to be"

Bunny sat down on the couch, looking up at her daughter. Challenging her.  
"I'm not going anywhere"

"Fine" Erin pulled the house key off her key-ring and threw it towards her mother "Lock up when you leave"

She turned on her heels and stormed out the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her.

Erin unlocked her cell phone as she walked down the stairs and made a call.  
"Hey, it's Erin. I need your help"

* * *

Will Halstead walked to his door as he heard the knock, coming face to face with Erin.  
"I'm sorry to do this-" Erin started  
"You said you can help get Jay back. Is that true?" Will cut her off. Erin nodded  
"Then what do you need?"

Erin looked down to the floor, feeling ashamed.  
"I took some stuff. Oxy. And I know, from past experience that you guys have medicine that can counteract the drugs. I need you to give me some"

"Erin, that stuff's deadly. It causes sever nausea, headaches, sweating. You'll be putting your body through torture" Will replied, making sure that Erin knew the severity of her request.

"it's the only way Voight will let me help. I'm no good to anyone, especially Jay, if I show up high as a kite to try and save him. I'd just end up getting him killed" Erin said  
"If you want to get your brother back as badly as I do, then do this for me Will. Please"

Will looked at the woman he now considered family and sighed.  
"Let me get my things"

* * *

"I've tried reaching out to some of the people I worked with in Vice, none of them have any female operatives they can spare us" Antonio said the next morning as the team sat in the office, all of them trying to figure out who could deliver the box to Keyes.

"Keep looking, we've only got a few more hours. Someone go downstairs and check with Burgess if she's okay to fill in if we need her" Voight said as he turned to walk into his office. He froze when he heard the one voice he didn't expect to hear again.

"I'll do it"

The whole team turned to the staircase, where Erin stood. She had spent the night at Will's and had showered and changed into clean clothing before making her way to the 21st district.  
Last night had been hell. The nausea had hit her harder than anything, and she hadn't been able to sleep for a solid five hours. But she knew it was what would help her prove to Hank that she could do this. She could save Jay.

"Get her out of here" Voight looked at Alvin as he continued to walk back into his office  
"Hank-" Erin started  
"No!" he yelled "You left! You made your choice, and now Halstead's life is on the line because of it!" he felt himself being held back by Antonio, but he didn't care. He needed Erin to know what she had caused.

"I know" she whispered sadly "please. Can we talk?"  
Voight took a deep breath before tapping Antonio on the shoulder, letting him know he could let go now, before nodding his head towards his office as him and Erin walked.

Erin looked at the pack-n-play on the other side of the desk where Voight sat. She hadn't seen her baby boy in almost six weeks. It had been killing her not to wake up every morning and see his bright happy face. She had missed him.

Voight watched as she walked over to the cot and stood looking down at her son.  
"You know, I can't help but think that this all could have been so easily avoided. If I had you out there watching Halstead, having his back like you promised. Then maybe this wouldn't be happening. I wouldn't have to be sitting here watching Halstead be tortured by Keyes and his guy, and praying that we get him back safely so he can see his son"

Erin looked up from Ben to Voight, and walked over to sit in the chair across from him  
"I know I've screwed up. And you're right, this is my fault. I should've been there. For both of them" she gestured towards her son "But I'm telling you Hank, I can do this. I can get Jay back, Let me fix this. Please"

Voight didn't say a word. Instead, he opened his drawer and pulled out the badge Erin had given him five weeks ago. He slid it across the desk and placed it in front of her  
"Looks like you're going to need this then"

Erin reached out to grab the badge but Voight placed his hand on her arm before she could fully grasp it  
"This doesn't mean you're just instantly reinstated Erin. You're here to get Jay, and that's all"  
"You have my word. After this, I'm gone if that's what you want" Erin said.

"Alright. Then let's go get Jay back"

 **A/N: and…DONE! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It took me two hours straight to do but I was so inspired by all the lovely reviews you all left me!  
I know I went through a lot of scenes in this chapter but it's purely because I wanted next chapter to be about Erin saving Jay and then the two of them talking. This story won't just all be an automatic 'I forgive you' story. I want Erin to have to work to earn Jay's forgiveness, and for the two of them to both fight to be together.**

 **As usual, please REVIEW and let me know what you think!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: A quick thank you to everyone who's reviewed! This chapter may be a bit slow in terms of storyline, but we've gotta have Jay back before we can have all the drama don't we ;)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~**

Erin's fingers fiddled nervously in her lap as she stared at the driver in the rear view mirror of the car. As a cop, you were trained to keep your cool. But when you went off book with procedure and were now being driven to an unknown location, completely unsure of whether or not you would find your former partner and the father of your child, it's safe to say that playing it cool was hard to do.

The car slowed as it approached a grand mansion. She took a deep breath as the driver 'politely' opened her car door to let her out. She followed Derek's right hand man into the foyer of the house and through to his office. There she came face to face with Derek Keyes.

"Did she bring it?" Derek asked the man

"It's all here" he lifted up the box to show his boss.

"Where's Jay?" Erin butted in. Derek turned his gaze to her.

"Ahhhh, you're the cop. Erin, right?" He smirked "How's your son, Ben?"

Erin felt her blood boil at Ben's name falling from Derek's lips. She balled her fists up tightly at her side. He was taunting her, she knew it. She had to keep her cool, Jay's life depended on it.

"You've got what you want, know I want my partner" She gritted out

Derek nodded his head to the man standing next to Erin and he walked out of the room. Derek pulled out a little zip-lock bag from his desk drawer and waved it between his fingers. Cocaine. He poured it out on to the mirror sitting on his desk and pulled out his credit card to move the powder into a straight line. He held up the pipe towards Erin.

"You sure you don't wanna do a little bump?" He spoke smoothly "It'll put you in a better mood"

Erin smiled tightly, eyes narrowed "I'm good" she crossed her arms over her chest, standing firm.

She turned around at the muffled groans that came down the hallway, and in came Derek's guy holding Jay. He had tape over his mouth, he had a bruise covering almost all of the right side of his face. There were various cuts and broken skin all up and down his body from where he'd been punched, and bruises forming from the baseball bat and Tazer he'd been abused with.

Jay groaned loudly as Derek's man pushed him onto the couch, his body colliding roughly with the furniture. Erin immediately rushed over, cradling the back of his head in one hand and gently peeling away the tape from over his mouth.

"Hey, you're okay" She whispered soothingly

"Erin?" Jay whispered in shock. He wasn't expecting her to show up, of all people.

Erin nodded and gave a small smile "Come on, we're getting you out of here" she spoke putting her arm under his and began to pull him up.

"Not so fast" Derek said as his guy pointed a gun at the detectives "My man Chase and I are gonna stay here until we get these files verified. No one's going anywhere just yet"

Erin froze. She knew those files were fake. And it would only be a matter of time before they knew it too. She stayed calm and sat back down, gently placing Jay back against the couch so he could rest. She just had to hope that Hank would find them sooner rather than later.

"Voight!" Mouse yelled as he ran up the stairs "I got something!"

Voight stood up from the chair in his office and opened the door for Mouse to enter.

"What'd you find?"

Mouse placed the file down in front of his Sergeant "The guy with Derek, Face recognition finally got a hit from the security camera at the airport" Mouse explained as Voight looked through the profile.

"Guy's name is Tyrell Chase, the visitors records from his prison stay showed a cousin, Kris Dunning"

"Check if he's got any deeds. They could be hiding Halstead there" Voight asked.

Mouse sat down and placed his laptop on the desk, searching through Kris Dunning's properties. He sighed and shook his head.

"What about the mother?" Voight ask checking the papers in front of him "Jill Dunning? She got anything?"

Mouse was quiet for a few minutes, focusing on the screen in front of him as he furiously typed away.

"She's got a house in Hyde Park, bought it for a little over $2 million less than a year ago. Seems a bit rags-to-riches wouldn't you agree?" He smirked.

Voight slammed the table before pointing at Mouse "We got him" he said before running out to inform the rest of his team.

Mouse walked over to the pack-n-play crib in Voight's office and looked down at his godson.

He smiled at the baby's happy face, completely unaware of what was going on with his parent's at the moment.

"We found them little guy" Mouse whispered to him "We'll bring them back safely, don't you worry about that" he picked up the baby and held him tight as he watched the rest of the team rush downstairs to grab their vests and weapons, heading over to Jill Dunning's house.

"We got a problem" Chase said as he looked at the text message on his phone

"What is it" Derek groaned

Chase walked over to the desk and showed him the photos their tech guy had sent

"This guy, his name's Jeffrey Gooding. Was in Stateville until last year, but it says he's been a CI for 6 years. Name of Daniel Brown. Same for most of the ones he's found"

Derek grabbed the gun from Chase and walked over to Erin and Jay. He lifted Jay up roughly, earning a groan in protest from the man.

"ok, ok!" Erin held her hands up as Chase grabbed her.

"Kill them both" Derek said.

Erin reached behind into the waist band of her jeans, pulling out the knife. She walked a few steps while Chase pushed her, before suddenly turning and stabbing him in the arm.

"Bitch!" Chase yelled as he grabbed her arms.

Erin pushed against him, the two of them trying to push each other down onto the ground. Jay sprung into action and flung his head back, making impact with Keyes' nose. The man grunted and Jay quickly turned around and used his upper chest to shove the man into the wall. Derek tried to push him off but Jay got in a swift knee to his chest, making him gasp for air.

Chase used all his strength and flung himself to the ground, taking Erin with him and shoving her with him, Erin making contact with the coffee table as it smashed underneath them. She grunted and struggled as Chase wrapped his hands around his neck. She tried grasping at his hands, to pull them off her neck but it was no use. She looked to the right and saw the knife she had dropped. She stretched out and just barely grasped it.

Keyes punched Jay square in the jaw, before shoving him to the ground. Jay's arms were still bound and made it a struggle for him to lift himself up. He looked at Erin, who was currently being strangled by Chase. He had to do something. He watched as Keyes started to move towards her and quickly Jay stuck his foot out, tripping the man. It wasn't much, but it would have to do.

Erin plunged the knife into Chase's side. The man took in a sharp breath as Erin continued to pull and push the knife into his side. His body gave out as he landed on top of Erin. She squirmed and grunted as she pushed him off her.

"Erin!" Jay yelled.

Erin looked towards him and noticed Derek getting up. She quickly rolled onto her front, and seeing the gun before her, crawled and reached for it. Derek had gotten up and began to charge for her. Erin quickly got up and turned and shot, hitting him in the left shoulder.

Derek grunted and stumbled, leaning against the window of his office.

"Don't move" Erin raggedly breathed out "You're under arrest"

Derek looked from her, to the gun on his desk. He could see the hardness in her eyes. He smirked before lunging to get the gun.

"Chicago P.D!" Antonio Dawson yelled as he led the unit into the living room of Jill Dunning's mansion "Don't shoot!"

The men outside instantly put their hands up, not wanting to risk being shot. Atwater, Ruzek and Olinksy all shoved the men to one side of the room. They all surveyed the area, trying to find where their missing friends were.

 _BANG!_

A gunshot echoed through the house. Followed by four more. Voight signalled towards the closed doors of the office, and the Unit positioned themselves in various spots, all with their guns pointed at the door.

"Chicago P.D Open up!" Voight's gravelly voice echoed through the house.

They all stood tense as the lock clicked, and the door started to slowly open. Voight held his breath as he saw a gun.

"Put your weapon down Keyes!" He yelled again

Erin walked out of the room slowly, raising her hands to let them know she wasn't a threat. Voight sagged with relief as he saw her exit, quickly running to her.

"He's in there" she pointed to the office.

Alvin and her stared at each other as the rest of the unit flew past her.  
"Thanks for the gift. It came in handy" She smiled, referring to the knife he had given her before she left the station that morning.

Alvin just shrugged before following his team, as Erin walked outside.

The entire unit rushed in to find Chase and Keyes both bleeding out on the floor, and Jay sitting on the couch, Erin having unbound his hands.

"About time you guys got here" he smiled weakly.

Antonio ran to his friend and knelt before him

"You scared us big time man" He chuckled "You doing ok?"

"I just want to head home" Jay replied "How's Ben?"

"He's okay" Ruzek answered "Mouse is keeping him company"

Jay nodded, smiling at his friend in thanks. He looked next to Al and saw Voight. He frowned as he looked behind him, no body else was there. He frowned at looked at Voight, asking him the question silently. Voight simply shook his head.

"I think you'll be okay Detective" Sylvie Brett said as Jay sat in the back of the ambo at the house. Voight had insisted that if Jay wasn't going to go to the hospital, he at least had to get checked out by the MEs.

"The ribs will take a few weeks to heal, there's some major bruising to them. But I'd say you should be fine to work in the next two to three weeks. Just watch out for any signs of a concussion in the next 24 hours. If you feel nauseous, dizzy or lightheaded, you go straight to the hospital. Do we understand each other?" She said, trying her best to sound strict.

Jay chuckled softly "Thanks Sylvie"

Sylvie smiled and nodded her head before joining Chilli up the front to pack away all the supplies. Jay looked around at the crime scene, his unit walking around with the Commander, explaining everything that had happened. Today had been one hell of a day.

"Hey" Jay was jolted out of his thoughts by Erin's voice "How are you feeling?"

Jay nodded "Not too bad for someone who was used as a punching bag for the better half of 8 hours" He tried to joke.

Erin winced "I'm so sorry Jay, I should have-"

"It doesn't matter Erin" He cut her off. Jay grunted and stood up, refusing her offer to help him. He stood straight and looked into her eyes.

"Thank you though. I'm glad it was you they sent" he smiled politely before walking off, Erin watching helplessly as he did.

Jay smiled as he sat on the couch in Voight's office with Ben nestled against his chest. He had missed his son so much in the time he'd been gone. Nothing ever felt more special than seeing Ben again.

"How are you feeling?" Voight asked from his desk

Jay smiled as best he could "Better now that I've got him" he gestured to his son. He looked back up at Voight before asking "Have you spoken to Erin?"

Voight nodded "She wants her badge back"

"That's good isn't it?" Jay asked. Truth be told, he wasn't entirely sure of the answer anymore. So much had happened in the past few weeks, and after today, he just didn't know if he was willing to let Erin back in again.

"She left. And I don't know if she should come back" Voight simply stated in reply

Jay nodded before standing up and walking to the door. He stopped in the doorway and turned back to look at his boss

"I think you should let her have her job. Maybe it finally means she's ready to move forward. And I think it's what's best for Ben'

"And what about you?" Voight asked.

Jay looked down at Ben, sighing "I don't really think that matters anymore. But Ben needs his mother" Voight nodded at Jay's answer.

"I'm gonna head home. I could really use some sleep" Jay chuckled

"Good work today Halstead, I'm glad you're back" Voight said before jay nodded and walked out the door.

Jay watched as his son slept next to him in his bed. He didn't want to let Ben out of his sight, not after today. He gently rubbed his hand along Ben's head, as the baby squirmed in content. Their peaceful contentment was broken by a knock on the door.  
Jay stood and placed Ben in his arms before walking towards the door.

"Tony, I told you I'd be fine. You don't need to –" Jay opened the door and stood shocked.

"Hi" Erin whispered "Can we talk?"

 **A/N: And there's chapter 3! Now we get into the more fun stuff, haha!**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as always let me know what you thought and what you'd like to see and if there's anything I can improve in terms of my writing and stuff.**

 **Hope everyone's enjoying their week!**

 **Maddie :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind Ch 4

 **A/N: Hey! So it's been a while, sorry for that, but I've been in India visiting my family since my cousin is getting married! Happy New Years to everyone! Hope you like how I did this chapter. I was a bit stuck on where to go with this but I think I finally figured it out...**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~**

 _Jay stood and placed Ben in his arms before walking towards the door._

 _"Tony. I told you I'd be fine. You don't need to -" Jay opened the door and stood shocked._

 _"Hi" Erin whispered "can we talk?"_

Jay couldn't believe it. She was here, in front of him. Why? He thought they had said all they needed to say.

"Jay?" Erin said. He then realised he had been standing there saying nothing.

"Sorry" he opened the door further and let her in as she followed him into the kitchen area.

Jay wasn't sure what to say. It would be inappropriate to offer her beer given her recent 'sabbatical'. Did she even want something to drink? She wanted to talk, maybe they should just do that.

"He's grown so big" Erin pulled him out of his thoughts once again.

Jay looked down at their son snuggled contently in his arms and smiled. Looking back up at Erin he felt that same sting in his heart that he had when he confronted her outside the bar.

"That's what happens in the space of three weeks" he snapped back.

Erin looked to the ground "I deserve that" she whispered

"You deserve a lot more than just that Erin" he replied holding Ben closer to him, feeling protective over his son.

Erin sighed "look, can we please talk? I know I screwed up ok, but I'd like to be able to explain if you'd let me"

Jay paused for a few moments, deliberating. She had broken his heart so many times before, why should he let her in now? He felt Ben move against him once more and sighed. This was what was best for his son, he had to at least try right?

"Let me just put him back down" Erin nodded watching Jay leave the kitchen before walking over to the couch and taking a seat, waiting for him to return.

He came back a few moments later, now wearing a shirt and sweats instead of just his boxers. She watched as he sat on the edge of the coffee table across from her leaning his elbows on his knees. Clearly he didn't feel comfortable sitting next to her anymore.

What had she done to them? She had broken them, and she knew it. She just hoped she could fix things before it was too late.

"I'm coming back to the unit" Erin broke the silence

"I know" Erin raised an eyebrow at his response "Hank asked me if it was okay"

"And you said yes?"

"Obviously." he sarcastically replied

"Sorry. I just didn't think you'd want me there"

Jay looked her in the eyes "I'd rather you there than out on the streets doing God knows what, with God knows who"

Erin looked down at the floor as she spoke again "I'm so sorry Jay"

"For what exactly?" He asked "for the drinking? The drugs? For quitting the unit? For quitting on me?" He listed as his voice rose.

"Jay-" she started

"Or how about for leaving our son Erin?" He stood up, pacing as he spoke "because I can't understand how you can just suddenly decide you'd rather party and sleep around with absolute strangers instead of being here for your son"

"I couldn't do it Jay" she spoke "I couldn't stand in that office everyday and see the desk where my best friend used to sit. A girl I loved like my own family, a girl who I brought into that unit, a girl who I got killed!"

Jay looked on in shock as Erin cried out "I kept blaming myself. If I had just left her alone, if I had never tried to help her, she'd still be alive. And I couldn't bear the thought of losing anyone else I cared about. I thought that the best way to protect you and Hank and Ben was if I left. And I know it sounds completely ridiculous but that's how I felt"

Jay sighed as he sat back down on the table, his anger fading. He took a deep breath and calmly spoke "look Erin, this isn't something you can just magically fix. You left. You left Hank, and our unit. But more than that you left our son. He didn't do anything to deserve that Erin. He needed his mother, and you weren't there"

"Just give me a chance Jay. I want to fix things with Ben. I heard what you said to me outside the bar ok? And you're right, I was becoming Bunny. And I can't be like my mother, I want to fix things before he's old enough to remember all the damage I did. I can't have him think of me as Bunny, Jay. Please. Let me fix it, Let me fix our family, please" she was pleading.

She didn't care if she looked pathetic. In that moment she would do anything it took to get her family back. She reached over and grabbed Jay's hand as tears began to fall from her eyes "let me fix us, please"

Jay froze at the contact. Things weren't the same, they weren't the same. And he wasn't sure they ever would be. Work would be easier to fix, but outside of that? He didn't know anything anymore.

"I already spoke to Hank. He doesn't mind me spending time here with Ben while I'm living with him, or if you wanted to leave Ben there with me for a night, he said he's okay with that" Erin continued, hoping to persuade Jays decision, but he simply sat quietly for what felt like hours.

"Ok" he finally whispered

"Ok?" She repeated

"You can spend some time with Ben, but it's going to take a while before you can get back to before Erin" Jay felt his heart warm slightly at Erin's smile.

"Thank you" she said "I love you Jay. I love Ben. I'm going to fix this, I'm going to fix us. I promise."

"I don't know if there is an us anymore Erin" Jay spoke "we've been through so much, maybe too much. I don't know if there's any coming back from that"

"Jay, you can't really -"

"I think it's best if you just focus on your rehab, and being with Ben" he said as he stood, effectively ending their conversation.

Erin took a breath and stood as well, following Jay to the door. She grabbed her jacket off the coat rack as Jay opened the door for her. She walked out the door, turning back to look at Jay

"Goodnight Jay" she whispered

"Goodnight Erin" he said as she shut the door.

Erin walked down the stairs and got into her car, sitting there for a few minutes as the tears fell from her face. She had finally done the one thing she never thought she would do. She had ruined her relationship with Jay Halstead. She had broken him, he had given up on them, and there was no coming back from that was there?

Jay watched from the window of his bedroom as Erin sat in her car, staying there for a few minutes before she finally drove off. He sighed to himself as he turned his gaze towards his now sleeping son.

Ben needed his mother, and Erin needed Ben. They needed to focus on their son and her rehab. He was doing the right thing, wasn't he?

Erin opened the door to Hank's house and walked inside. All she wanted to do was shower and curl up in her bed and sleep. The lack of drugs in her system were making her tired from all the missed nights of sleep in the past three weeks, and exhaustion was taking over.

"How'd it go with Halstead?" Voight's voice brooke the silence as Erin turned from the bottom of the staircase to join Hank in the living room.

"He agreed to let me see Ben, so that's something"

"Thats good" Hank nodded. He wanted to be more understanding, like he had been when she was a teenager. But this time was different, it wasn't just her life,mor her heart, involved. There were now three people to look out for, and Hank was having difficulty not siding with Jay.

"Good talk" erin muttered sarcastically getting up once again

"What do you want from me here Erin?" Hank yelled out

"How about for you to care?" She turned to face him "I know I screwed up but I'm trying! I left my son, my family, my unit behind because I blamed myself for Nadia's death, And I managed to push away the one man that makes my world turn! I needed him and you, and he doesn't want me! So I need your help Hank, and if I don't have it I might as well just give up now" she cried

Hank sighed and got up to hug his pseudo-daughter "you did a lot of damage Erin"

"I know" she whispered "and you're allowed to be mad, but I need you Hank. I need the man who raised me, the man who was more a father to me than my own dad was. Please"

"I know you're trying kid, I'll try too. I promise" Hank whispered as Erin hugged him tighter, the two standing in silence for a few moments.

"How about you tell me what happened tonight?" Hank said as he pulled away from her.

And so she did. She told him about how she apologised, about he told her how hurt he was - is, about how he agreed to let her have a relationship with their son. About how she said she loved him. About how he didn't want to be with her.

"He needs time Erin, it's s lot of hurt to get over" Hank said after she finished.

Erin shook her head sadly "you didn't see him tonight Hank. I broke him, and I honestly don't blame him for giving up. I just had this delusional idea that somehow, I could fix it all for us. Like you did when you took me in. You made my life so much better, even when I screwed up you forgave me" she explained "I guess I just thought maybe Jay could do the same"

"I may Neto have seen him tonight, but I've seen him the last three a mess without you Erin, but he's stubborn. Much like someone else I know" he narrowed his eyes at her "you just need to figure out whether or not heat you two have is worth fighting for. Because if the only reason you're doing this is do that you're son has the family you never did, then you need to seriously reevaluate the situation"

Erin shook her head vehemently "I love him Hank. Even when we weren't together, I love him. Yes he's the father of my child, but I love him no matter what, and I want to be with him because he's the one person that makes me happier, safe, more loved than I've ever felt in my entire life. I only see a future with him Hank, he's it"

"Well then I guess you need to figure out how you fix things between you two" Hank smiled

Erin sighed "Monday is going to be interesting"

 **A/N: I was going to keep going but I feel like this is a good spot to end this chapter. I hope you guys liked this chapter, as always let me know if there's anything you want to see happen and what you thought of this chapter.**

 **There's still some rocky times ahead for our favourite couple so I hope you stick with me.. Hope you're all having a good New Years**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm so fucking sorry this took a lot longer than I expected! I was still kind of stuck after Ch 4 on where to go with this story and I had a bit of an epiphany for what should happen so I have already gotten Ch 6 written up, I just had to get an in between to link it all together! I hope you like what I've done.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~**

 _Erin stood awkwardly at the top of the staircase, not entirely sure if she should say something to her team, or simply sit down and keep her mouth shut. They all stared at her, not entirely sure what to do either._

 _Jay and Antonio walked into the main office area from the break room, and saw Erin. Antonio gave him a look, as Jay stood there looking at his partner. He smiled appreciatively as he realised what Antonio was trying to communicate. How Jay acted would dictate how the rest of the team did. Erin had hurt Jay and Voight most out of everyone, and the team had Jay's back in this._

 _Jay let out a breath as he walked back into the break room for a second, and came out with two mugs of coffee in hand. He smiled as he walked up to Erin, handed her the cup and simply said "Glad you're back Lindsay" before returning to his desk and turning his attention back to his paperwork._

 _Erin smiled and looked at the rest of her team, who gave her a nod in way of saying 'welcome back' and she moved to her desk and sat down._

 _..._

 _"Are you not driving?" Jay said as he reached the car, leaning on the open car window with Erin seated in the passenger seat. Voight had sent them to check out one of his CI's who may have had information on their current case._

 _"Oh" she said surprised as she saw him "I didn't know if, I just thought -" she stuttered as Jay nodded at her_

 _"We're trying to get back to our normal partnership aren't we? Normal is you driving" Jay said as he pulled the door and held it open for Erin to get out._

 _They were driving in silence, whether it was a comfortable neither were sure, before Erin spoke_

 _"I didn't get to thank you"_

 _Jay frowned as he looked at her "for what?"_

 _"For what you did in the office when I got there. I know that if you weren't comfortable with me being there, the team wouldn't have been as okay as they're being now"_

 _Jay shrugged "You're here, and you're trying to get back to normal with your life, and you're trying to be there for Ben. That's all that matters to me"_

* * *

That was two weeks ago. Two weeks since Erin had been back at work, two weeks since she had been living back in Voight's house, and since she'd been spending time with Ben and Jay again.

Everything was going well for the most part. She and Jay had settled back into work together effortlessly. It was never work that they had an issue with, the personal life was always their struggle. Jay had tried to avoid being around when Erin was spending time with Ben at his apartment. He would normally tell her he needed to do the laundry, or catch up on some work, or email his army buddies that were doing yet another tour.  
And while she were sure they were legitimate reasons, that didn't make them any less of an excuse to be away from her. They were both comfortable around each other the few times Jay was there with her and Ben, so Erin couldn't understand why he was avoiding her.

"Hey" Jay smiled as he walked in to the break room "You have to see the video I took of Ben eating rolling over last night" jay chuckled as he whipped out his phone

"He rolled over!?" Erin exclaimed as she grabbed Jay's phone from him. He chuckled as he watched her unlock his phone and scroll through his camera roll. She had really made a lot of improvement since she came back into their lives. She hadn't returned Bunny's calls or texts, had been alcohol and drug free and was even limiting how much coffee she had just to be on the safe side. She had been so active in Ben's life and Jay could tell that his son was happy to have his mother back.

Jay stood beside Erin, bringing his hand up so he could click on the video that he had taken of Ben, and watched Erin as her face turned from astonishment at seeing her son roll over for the first time, to pure joy and happiness.  
"Look at his face!" Erin says smiling up at Jay "He's so proud of himself"  
Jay simply nodded in agreement.

"God I can't believe I missed it" Erin whispered as she restarted the video again. Jay smiled sadly down at her, and was about to speak when Voight yelled out from his office for him.

Erin smiled as she handed Jay back his phone "Thanks for showing me"

"Of course" Jay nodded before walking out of the break room and into Voight's office.

Voight frowned as he saw Jay's face "You alright?" He asked motioning for Jay to shut the door.

Jay sat down in the chair across from Voight "Has Erin mentioned to you about wanting more time with Ben?"

Voight nodded "She has said that she's missed getting to spend the night with him, and tucking him in like she used to. Why?"

"Ben rolled over for the first time last night" Jay started

"Really?" Voight said, a rare smile taking over his face.

Jay nodded in confirmation, passing his phone over to his Sergeant. Voight noticed the background photo on his phone when he exited the video; one of Jay, Erin and Ben laying together on the couch in Jay's apartment, their first day of living together as a family.

"Do you miss her?" Voight asked as he handed Jay's phone back

"Everyday" Jay sighed "But her priority has to be Ben, and recovering"

"She's recovered Jay. Look, I promised her that I would try to be there for her a bit more, and I know that what she did was wrong, but she is trying. Why can't you?"

"She left Voight. She left me, and her son. And Ben may be too young to remember that pain, but I do" Jay simply stated.

Voight took a moment, processing the detective's words "How about you start with regaining your trust in her. Let her keep Ben for the night, I'll be there at the house just in case she can't handle herself, but you and I both know this is probably the best move"

"I have been thinking about it recently" Jay admitted "You'll be there with her?"

"I promise, I won't leave her"

"Ok" Jay said as he got up from the chair "anything else sir?"

Voight shook his head "Just wanted to check in"

Jay smiled in thanks and then headed towards the door.

* * *

"Hey!" Erin yelled as she ran after Jay as he walked to his car. Jay turned and stopped, waiting for Erin to catch up to him

"What's up?"

"Uh, I was wondering if I could come over and spend a little bit of time with Ben?"

"No, sorry" Jay said

"Oh. Uh, okay then. It's no big deal, I just thought -" Erin looked down to the ground as she stuttered. She wasn't sure how to respond. She thought they were doing better these past couple weeks?

Jay smiled, feeling slightly guilty at the look on her face "You can't come over because I'm dropping Ben off to you"

Erin looked back up, eyes wide in surprise "Really?"

"yeah" Jay smiled "I talked to Voight and he said he would stay with you just in case, but I think it's time Ben spent the night with you"

Erin smiled widely "Thank you Jay" She wrapped her arms around him.

Jay froze for a moment, unsure of how to react. After a moment, he relaxed and casually patted her on the back. He didn't want to try and make this too intimate. Erin sensed his slight discomfort and quickly pulled away, mumbling a quick "See you later" before heading to her car.

* * *

Jay knocked on the front door of the Voight house, holding Ben in the carrier with one hand while he held the overnight bags in his other. In the past, he would've been nervous as all hell to be knocking on Hank Voight's door to visit his partner and Voight's pseudo-daughter, but he and Hank had grown a better relationship after Erin fell pregnant, and especially in those few weeks that Erin had left him and Ben. He respected his boss a lot more now that he understood first-hand the desperation that Voight would've felt when Erin was a young girl caught under Bunny's influence.

"There he is!" Erin exclaimed happily as she opened the door "Hi baby boy"

Erin walked closer to Jay and took Ben out of his arms, lifting him up in the air as the little boy giggled. Jay smiled as he watched the two interact "Nice to see you two Erin" he said.

Erin smiled sheepishly at him "Sorry. I'm just really excited. Thank you Jay, really"

Jay shook his head as Erin let him in the house "You have got to stop thanking me. He's your son too Erin"

"I know" Erin nodded "but still, it means a lot to me. I just need you to know that"

"I do" Jay smiled "Now, I'm going to go head to Molly's for the night. It's been a while"

"That sounds good, you deserved a night out" Erin chuckled

"So you'll be good here with him?"

"Yeah, if I need anything I'll ask Hank or I'll give you a call ok?"

Jay looks at his son in Erin's arms, and then back up at Erin. He gives her a small smile and nods, leaning down and giving his son a kiss on the top his head, and yelling out a goodbye to Hank who he spies in the kitchen on his way out, before leaving the house.

Jay takes a deep breath, steadying himself before getting into his car and driving to Molly's. ' _This is the right thing'_ he kept telling himself over and over, hoping that the anxiety he felt would cease.

* * *

Erin smiled, humming a quiet lullaby as she watched Ben drift off to sleep in his pack-n-play crib. She cherished these moments with her son, she was so glad Jay had let her have tonight with him. They had spent the night in the living room with Voight, Erin trying desperately to encourage Ben to roll over; which, after 45 minutes and one very frustrated Ben later, he managed to achieve.

"Hey kid" Voight whispered as he stood at the doorway of the room "How you doing?"

"Great" she smiled "I can't believe I ever left him Hank"

Voight shook his head "It doesn't matter now Erin, you're back and you're making amends with Jay and Ben and everyone else, I'm proud of you Erin. You've come a long way in these past few weeks alone"

"They're good reasons to come back to" she said smiling down at Ben, rubbing her hand over his hair gently as he finally succumbed to sleep.

"Speaking of, how are things going with Jay?" Voight asked as he came and sat down next to Erin.

Erin shrugged "It's okay. We haven't really spoken much outside of work, I think he's just trying to distance himself from getting hurt again"

"Can you really blame him?"

"I just wished we could talk, like we used to" She smiled "We used to be so happy, us and Ben together"

"You'll get it back Erin, but you've got to give him time"

Erin nodded her head as she leaned on Hank, her head resting on his shoulder "Thank you for being here Hank. I love you"

Hank smiled "I love you too kid"

* * *

Jay sighed in content as the cool liquid flowed down his throat and hit his system. It had been so long since he'd had a night out with the team. Even before Nadia's death, he and Erin had been so busy with Ben and work that on the few nights they had to relax, they would normally just spend at home catching up on all the lost hours of sleep.

"You right there buddy?" Adam Ruzek chuckled as he watched Jay "Do we need to leave the two of you alone?"

"Maybe" Jay smirked at Adam as the team laughed "It's just nice to have a night out. I love Ben, but I also love a night out once in a while"

"To a night out" Antonio toasted as the boys all clinked their beers together.

"So how you been man?" Mouse asked as he and Jay sat beside each other watching Antonio and Adam play a game of pool.

Jay shrugged "It's going alright. Erin's been spending a lot more time with Ben, which is good. I think he's really helping her recovery"

"So are you" Mouse said

Jay chuckled softly "I don't know about that"

"Please, we all know she came back for the two of you" Mouse scoffed at his best friend

"Well, even if she did, what's more important is that she came back to Ben. He needs his mum, and she needs him"

"And what about the two of you?" Mouse asked "Are you really sticking to this whole 'just partners' crap?"

Jay sighed "For now yes" he looked back to the game of pool between his two friends "She's back, and she's doing good. And we'll see what that means for me. And for us"

Mouse smirked as he nodded and took a sip of his beer

* * *

 **A/N: I'm not too sure about the ending of this chapter but I had to finish somewhere! I know there wasn't a lot of exciting stuff but I needed an in between chapter, I've got a solid plan for the story and I'm really excited so I'll not only be updating a lot more frequently (provided that school doesn't get too busy) but I know exactly what direction I'm going.**

 **So I hope you liked this. Please leave a review with your thought**

 **Have a great weekend!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey, I know told you all I'd be back sooner than usual but I got a bit too picky with this chapter in trying to make it perfect, or as close to perfect as I could get it. Quick thanks to rocknrollprincess131 and CPDFanGirl who have been so awesome in listening to my ideas and helping inspiring me with this story and Danie14 for the encouragement and kind words as well :)**

 **Sidenote: I realised that a couple people think Erin slept with Landon while she was on her 'sabbatical' and are wondering if that's true. I'll answer all that real soon.**

 **Enjoy!**

"You okay?" Jay asked as Erin drove him to the apartment

"Yeah. It's always rough when they involve kids" she smiled sadly at him when they reached a red-light

Jay nodded before the silence resumed. Their case had involved the murder of an eight-year-old-boy, and the abduction and almost murder of his friend. The two fathers had accidentally shot their friend's son years ago, and this was his way of getting revenge. Luckily, Jay had shot the man before he could cause another kid harm.

Erin pulled up to the apartment block and Jay unbuckled his seatbelt, reaching behind to grab his bag. He sighed as he watched her, staring up at the bedroom window that she knew Ben would be behind. After cases like this, they would normally snuggle up with Ben on the couch, and some of the many videos of the family that Hank or Jay had filmed at every milestone in Ben's life. He knew she wanted to see Ben, that she needed to be with him after today.

"Do you want to come in?" Jay asked. Erin's head whipped around to look at him, questioning if she had imagined him saying that.

She smiled and nodded "I have to go to Hank's first. I promised him I would have dinner with him. But, can I come by after?"

Jay smiled "Sure" he said before exiting the car.

* * *

Jay sat on his bed, with Ben lying on bent legs, Ben wiggled around and laughed as Jay made funny faces at him. Jay's smile turned into a frown as Ben's light-hearted giggles turned into little coughs. He sat forward and placed his hand on the infants forehead.

"You're a little warm, aren't you bud?" Jay murmured picking Ben up and walking into the kitchen. The little boy fussed as Jay tried to give him some medicine, not likely having the syringe put into his mouse. He figured it was just a cold, and would pass soon enough.

Ben cried as he swallowed the medicine, his little face turning bright red. Jay held him close and rocked him back and forth until he settled. He placed Ben in his crib ten minutes later, and decided to go watch some TV until Erin arrived.

* * *

"Hank?" Erin yelled walking through the door "Hey" She said walking into the kitchen and spotting Hank at the stove

"Hey, what took you so long?" Voight asked glancing at her

"I got stuck in traffic" She shrugged "I'm going to be out for a couple hours tonight ok?"

Voight took the pan off the stove and placed it in the middle of the table for the two to serve themselves "I do believe the deal was that I have to know _where_ you're going"

Erin smiled "Jay invited me to stay over for a bit and spend some time with him and Ben"

Voight nodded "That's good" he said taking a bite of his food

"No need to sound so overjoyed" she sarcastically mumbled into her food

"I just don't want to give you false hope" Voight said

"I know. But we've been doing better these past few weeks, we've hung out more on our own or with Ben or the team. He even agreed to help me move back into my apartment next month, and I'm getting to spend a lot more time with Ben. He really is trusting me Hank"

"Well, then I will be happy for you two" he said with a smile.

* * *

Jay was startled awake by a scream piercing the air. He jolted up off the couch and ran into his room, to check on his son. Ben was squirming around in his crib, crying and coughing at the same time. Jay looked into the crib and saw his son's nose was runny, and he couldn't breathe properly.

Jay quickly picked him up and checked his temperature. _103.  
"_fuck" jay muttered as he grabbed his phone from the couch, still trying to calm Ben down.

"I need your help!" Jay exclaimed as soon as his brother answered

 _"Jay? What's that sound?"_ Will asked.

"Something's wrong with Ben. He's coughing, he's struggling to breathe, his nose is stuffed, his temp is 103-"

 _"Jay, slow down!"_ Will interrupted _"Bring him in to the hospital. Call me when you get there"_

Jay hung up and slipped his phone into the back pocket of his jean, quickly grabbing the baby bag and his keys before rushing out the door. Ben's crying had subsided to a slight sniffle and whimper, but he was still wheezy when he tried to take a breath.

Jay rushed to the hospital, making sure he was within the speed limit. It hit him when he got to a red light a block away from the hospital. He quickly dialed the number from his phone and put on speaker as the light went green.

 _"Hey, I'm just about to leave. Do you want me to grab some beer? Although, I probably shouldn't drink given -"_

"Erin" Jay cut her off "I'm not at the house"

 _"Oh, Ok. I thought we were hanging out?"_ Erin said slightly confused

"Ben's sick. Will told me to bring him to the hospital"

 _"What!? Oh my god, I'll be right there"_ She said before hanging up.

Jay glanced back in his rearview mirror to see Ben, his face still red but his tears having subsided

"It's okay buddy, we're gonna go see Uncle Will ok?" he called out as he looked back at the road.

* * *

"Will!" Jay yelled as soon as he ran into the emergency department of Chicago Med. Will Halstead sprang up from his seat, along with his co-worker Natalie Manning, and rushed over to meet Jay. He took his nephew and handed him over to Natalie.

"He's got mucus blocking his nose, uneven chest sounds" Natalie listed "Looks like RSV. Someone get me a swab!"

"Jay" Will said grabbing his brother's shoulders, preventing him from going into the room "What happened?"

"I don't know" Jay cried "He was a little warm and had a little cough when I put him down for his nap so I gave him some cold medicine. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, because the next thing I know he's screaming, and his nose is running, and he was burning up" Jay rambled on watching Natalie work on his son over Will's shoulder.

"Ok, look Nat's going to do everything she can" Will said as he led Jay to the chair outside the room "I'll go see what I can find out" Jay nodded watching Will walk into the room.

"Nat what's going on?" Will said as he walked into the room, standing at the top of the bed rubbing Ben's hair softly.

"I think he might have RSV. I've taken a swab and we're running blood tests to be sure" Natalie said as she passed the swab to April "Tell them to rush this, I want those results ASAP" She said.

"How's Jay?" Natalie asked as she took Ben's temperature

"He's a mess. Can he come sit with him?" Will asked

"We're moving him up to paediatrics, you two are welcome to take him there with me" she answered. She could see the concern on Will's face as he watched his nephew struggle to breathe a little  
"He's going to be fine Will. We just have to keep a close eye on him"

Will nodded, giving Natalie a smile and a touch to the shoulder to say thanks, before walking out to get Jay.

Jay was seated next to the crib where Ben lay in the paediatrics ward of Chicago Med. He and Ben had been at the hospital for only 30 minutes, and his son was now hooked up to an IV line – since his fluids were low – as well as a half-hourly check by the nurses and routine nose bulbs to clear out his nasal passage

Jay thought he was going to lose it. Watching the nurses poke and prod his innocent baby boy. He knew they were trying to make him feel better, but he wished it didn't hurt his son so much.

"Jay!" he heard Erin yelling his name from a distance. He walked outside of the hospital room and saw Erin running down the hallway, flanked by Hank. She made eye contact with him and her legs moved even faster.

"what happened!? Is he ok?" Erin rushed into the room and hovered over the crib as she looked at Ben. She stroked his cheek softly, listening to his wheezy-breath as his lungs protested against every breath they were taking in.

"I don't understand. He was with me last night. how did this happen so fast?" she said turning to look at Jay

Jay simply shrugged as he stood next to her "They think he's had it in his system for a few days, but it hadn't really started affecting him until recently"

"And what do they think it is?" she asked

"RSV. They put a rush order on all his labs but there's some problem with one of the machines or something. For now it's just a waiting game I guess"

"I should have been there with him. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with him last night, I mean he was a little quieter than normal but I just figured he hadn't had enough sleep or something. And he was a little warm but the house was really humid from the weather so I thought it was ok" Erin ramble, feeling the guilt begin to gnaw at her.

"He'll be fine Erin, Nat's working on it"

"Hey" Hank said as he walked into the room "How you doing?"

"He's holding up, he's a strong kid" Jay smiled at the older man

"That's great, but I actually meant you" Hank smirked

"I'm fine"

"You look tired"

"I'll sleep when I find out what's going on with my son"

Hank simply nodded, muttering something about coffee before leaving the two parents alone once again.

* * *

"God, what is taking them so long?" Erin groaned as she paced the floor of Ben's room. Natalie had come to take him for a final test to confirm her suspected diagnosis, over an hour ago.

"I'm sure they'll be done soon" Jay said as he sat watching Erin walk around. He was feeling frustrated at the situation, he had no idea what was wrong with his son, Erin wouldn't stop blaming herself or complaining, Hank kept hounding on him to rest or eat or drink something. He didn't need any of it, he just needed to know what was wrong with his son.

"Dammit Erin, would you sit down before you burn a hole in the floor?" Jay snapped

"You think I like this anymore than you do?" She said turning to face him "Our son is in the hospital, and it's on me. I could've avoided this"

"Of course, it's always about you" Jay muttered

"Excuse me?" she asked wide-eyed

"This isn't your fault!" Jay yelled bolting up out of his chair.  
"You always blame yourself for everything but it's not! You want to blame someone for Ben bring in the hospital? For his condition going unnoticed? Then blame ME!" He yelled as Erin stood watching him, as he walked closer and closer to her.

 _"I_ was the one who thought it was just a little cold, who thought it'd pass. _I_ was the one who went to sleep and didn't think about him being a little warm! I'm the one who kept pushing you to get help when you didn't want to. _I_ was the one who went into an undercover operation when my head wasn't on straight, and that's the reason that Derek Keyes kidnapped me!  
And _I'm_ the one who let Nadia get into that car by herself, and drive to get your birthday cake when we had a murder and rapist targeting our unit, because I was so focused on protecting you from Yates that I didn't even consider her being a target!"

Jay's eyes widen as he realises all he just said. His hand covers his mouth, as if the action will somehow reverse the words that just came out of his mouth. He looks at her wide eyes – whether they're wide from shock or hurt he can't tell – before mumbling some excuse about needing air and rushing out the door, not noticing Hank and Dr Charles standing outside the room.

"Erin" Dr Charles says softly as he walks in

"He's not wrong" Erin chuckles bitterly. She's still rooted in that same spot that she was in when Jay had started talking, not sure if she should trust her legs to cooperate and move or crash underneath her.

"Why do you say that?" he asks moving to stand in front of her "Do you agree, that this is his fault?"

Erin shakes her head no "But he's right that I blame myself for everything"

Dr Charles smiles down at her sadly "Maybe you should tell him instead of me"

He barely has time to finish the sentence before she realises he's not there, and runs out the door to find him

* * *

Jay stands at the railing, taking in the night sky above him. The stars dancing along the dark clouds as the moon rests gently off to the side. The hustle and bustle of the hospital a distant hum behind him.

"I thought I'd find you out here" Erin says walking up to stand next to him, leaning her elbows on the railing behind her as he back rests against it as well, so she can see him looking out into the distance "Whenever you used to have a nightmare, you'd go the the roof of my building and just sit there for a few hours. You'd just stare up at the sky, and then you'd come back down and lay in bed with me, even though it would take you hours before you actually fell asleep"

"I didn't realise you knew" Jay said, still avoiding her gaze.

"I know a lot about you Jay Halstead" she smiled

"Erin" He sighed turning his head to look at her "About what I said –"

"It's nothing I didn't deserve" she said with a shake of her head "And besides, you were right"

It was Jay's turn to be shocked at her words.

"I remember growing up, Bunny coming home high out of her mind. She'd always be hungry, I just thought she ate a lot. It never actually occurred to me she just constantly had the munchies" Erin scoffed at her own foolish ways

"One day she came home with some guy, and I had made Teddy the last of the noodles for dinner. I still remember the slap across my face she gave me" Erin shivered at the memory "She told me it was all my fault. And after that, anytime something was wrong, I always took the blame. I put it upon myself before she could because I thought maybe then she wouldn't hate me as much"

"I'm sorry" Jay whispered

"No. I'm sorry, about tonight. And every other time before that. I don't even notice that I'm doing it anymore. I guess I just feel like there has to be some way I could've helped. There had to have been a way I could've helped Bunny, or you, or Ben. or Nadia" she whispered the last name painfully.

"You're not alone in that" he said turning to face her fully "When we got back from deployment, after Mouse started spiralling, I put that on myself. I blamed myself for him, for all our brothers who hadn't made it home. All the men I could've saved. My friends. I still do sometimes"

"Maybe we should both try to quit at the self-blame game we seem to have going on here" Erin joked

"Maybe" Jay smirked. He took a deep breath, his face growing serious once more.

"You've got to talk to me Erin" He whispered "I can't keep doing this with you. You've got to stop being so hard on yourself. You push everyone away because you think you deserve to be punished. But it's what holding you back. It's what's tearing us apart" he says taking her hand

"You have to stop pushing me away Erin. I can only take so much heartache when it come to you"

Erin nods her head, tears threatening to fall at his words. He wraps his arms around her as she holds on tightly to him, savouring the moment.

"Hey!" Will yells as he runs to them "I've been looking all over for you two. Who hangs out on the roof of a fucking hospital!?" He rambles

"It's kind of my thing I guess" Jay shrugs with a chuckle, letting go of Erin but keeping his hand firmly placed in the centre of her back "Any news about Ben?"

"Yeah, you should come talk to Natalie" he says rushing back to the lift on the helipad rooftop.

Jay holds Erin hand as he follows his brother, holding onto her for dear life. He's not letting her go that easily this time around.

 **A/N: So, I'm not 100% sure about the ending but I hope you like it!**

 **As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think and if you've got any (constructive) Comments about the story or my writing I'd love to hear them!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm not 100% sure on where to go next with this story so any suggestions would be great. This chapter is kind of a filler, and it's not my best because I was stuck a little bit so I just tried to push through and finish this, but I hope you like it anyways :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~**

Jay felt his eyes droop as the rhythmic sound of the pulse oximeter lulled him to sleep, it was just past midnight and Ben had been sleeping for a little while now, after the nurses had come past to do their hourly ritual of sticking a tube in his nose to clean his airways out. Natalie had confirmed that Ben's diagnosis was RSV. Luckily, it wasn't too severe and would only require an overnight hospital stay before he could go home. They had flooded his body with antibiotics to help the little boy manage as best he could, which tired him out quickly, but both Jay and Erin had been there for him the whole time.

Jay and Erin hadn't discussed their moment on the roof. Jay scoffed, maybe she didn't even think it was a moment, maybe there was no need to discuss it. It was just Jay and Ben now; Hank had run to Jay's apartment to get a few clothes for Ben, and some clothes for Jay and Erin as well. He had also given them the next few days off to spend with Ben while he recovered. It was probably for the best, Jay hadn't slept since Ben had been rushed to the hospital. He could feel his eyes grow heavier as he watched the steady rise and fall of Ben's little chest

...

 _"How about ... Alfred?" Erin said as she looked at the paper she had pulled from the bowl_

 _"Veto" Jay quickly said_

 _"Why not? Alfred's such a cute name! Ooh and we can nickname him Al, just like Alvin" Erin smiled_

 _"Alfred makes him sound like he's an eighty-year old" Jay said._

 _"Fine" Erin rolled her eyes "Your pick"_

 _Jay reached into the bowl and picked up another piece of paper "Hendrix"_

 _"Like the Gin?" Erin shook her head "Veto"_

 _"Jordan?" Jay suggested_

 _"Veto"_

 _"Bartholomew?" Erin cringed as she read the name_

 _"Veto" They both agreed._

 _"This is taking forever" Jay groaned falling back against the couch "We've gone through at least a hundred different names and we can't decide on one"_

 _"Benjamin" Erin said softly. Jay looked up, assuming she was reading off the paper, but was surprised when he saw she hadn't picked one up._

 _"Why Benjamin?" Jay frowned_

 _"Well, firstly because I like the name. And secondly, because I know how much you loved Ben Corson, and I remember you telling me if you ever had a kid you wanted to honour him in some way. A tribute to his life by raising a life of your own" Erin recalled the words he had said to her when he had finally opened up to her about his connection with the young boy._

 _"You want to name our baby after the brother of my ex-girlfriend. Seriously?" Jay said, still in shock._

 _Erin shrugged "I just thought you'd like the idea. I can imagine a little Benjamin Halstead running around"_

 _Jay hadn't said anything. And Erin was growing more nervous. Maybe she had overstepped the boundaries? Ben Corson was always a touchy subject for him, but she really thought he would like the idea. Maybe she was wrong._

 _"You know what? Forget I said anything, I didn't mean to upset -"_

 _She was cut off by Jay pulling her into a hug, his hands sliding down to rest on her eight-month pregnant belly._

 _"Benjamin" Jay smiled "I love it"_

 _"Benjamin William" Erin added "After your brother"_

 _"You don't want to name this little guy after part of your family?" Jay questioned_

 _"I don't really have any family worth honouring" Erin smiled sadly bringing her hands to rest on top of his "And I want his name to have meaning, and a connection to his family, and I know how close you are to your brother. Plus I think the name really flows" She chuckled_

 _"Well what about Hank?" Jay asks._

 _Erin shrugged "Yeah he's family, but I like Benjamin William more than Benjamin Henry I guess" she chuckled_

 _"Benjamin William Halstead" Jay said as he felt a kick against his hand "Well I guess he likes it too" they both laughed at the presence of their son_

 _"Thank you Erin" Jay smiled kissing her cheek_

 _"Always" Erin said squeezing his hand._

...

"I can't believe you!" Jay jolted awake from his dream-induced memory at the sound of the familiar voice. How long had he been out? He looked over the railing his tired head had been resting on to see his son still sleeping, his little body needing the rest after all the events of the past 40 hours.

"I'm not doing this with you right now" Jay followed the sound of Erin's irritated voice to outside of the room and stopped short as his eyes made contact with Bunny.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Erin jumped at the sound of Jay's voice. How long had he been out here?

"I'm here to get my daughter detective" Bunny shrugged, her hand scratching up and down her arm as she bounced in place "Maybe I'll visit my grandson while I'm at it"

Jay scoffed "You're crazy if you think you're getting anywhere near my son. And I think Erin is just fine where she is" he said stepping towards the pair, placing his hand on Erin's back in an effort to show that he was by her side.

Bunny's eye refocused onto her daughter, her voice frantic as she tried to persuade her daughter "Come on sweetheart, you don't belong here. You and I both know you didn't want to be a mother. All our friends are waiting at home, Landon's waiting for you too" Bunny smirked when she saw Jay stiffen.

Erin ignored her mother's comment "You're high, aren't you?" She exclaimed, finally taking in her mother's appearance.

"That's not important" Bunny snapped "My point is, you're my daughter. These people aren't your family, I am. You don't need them"

"Yes they are! And _this_ family is the best thing that ever happened to me" Erin snapped "Don't you dare try and say otherwise. You need to leave, now"

"You and I both know that this isn't the life you want; this is all Hank. And him. The two of them are trying to keep you from me!" Bunny exclaimed, stomping her foot on the ground in frustration.

"I made the decision to sever ties with you, Not them. I wanted to be in my son's life, I want to be the kind of mother that you never were to me"

Bunny rolled her eyes "Again with this! Ok I get it Erin, I made a couple little mistakes -"

"LITTLE mistakes!? Your little mistakes are the reason Teddy ran away, the reason I lost my brother! Your mistakes are why I had to use my body to convince the landlord not to kick us out of our rental when you couldn't pay the bills! Your mistakes are the reason I moved in with Hank in the first place!" Erin's voice broke as tears pricked her eyes "You don't have anyone else to blame for the way things turned out but yourself. I am so sick and tired of playing this back and forth game with you mum. I cannot and will not subject my family to this. You need to go"

"Erin -"

"GO!" Erin yelled storming into Ben's hospital room

Bunny turned to glare at Jay "This is not the end of this"

"If you know what's good for you, you'd just give up" Jay said "You're not good for her Bunny. For once, do what a mother should and put her needs before your own"

Bunny just scoffed at Jay before walking off. Jay took a deep breath, collecting himself before walking back into the hospital room. He watched as Erin sat in the rocking chair with Ben laying against her chest, one hand gently patting his back as the other held the pulse oximeter on his foot. He smiled as he heard her singing the tuneless melody to him that she always did when she was feeling upset

 _"You're going to make him deaf with the tuneless humming of yours" Jay smirks as he leaned against the nursery door, listening to Erin hum the same tune for the fifth time over._

 _Erin glares at him from her spot in the room "He doesn't seem to be complaining"_

 _Jay smiled softly as his eyes met Erin's. He knew today had been a hard case for her, especially with Bunny involved. He walked over to Erin and kneeled down in front of her laying his chin against the arm of the rocking chair, his hand coming up to lay on Ben's back as he settled against his mother's chest._

 _"You okay?" He asked after a few minutes_

 _Erin shook her head no as she looked between Ben and Jay "But I will be" she smiled_

 _Jay simply nodded before leaning up to press a kiss to her lips._

"Is she gone?" Erin mumbled against the top of Ben's head

Jay nodded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to her

"Sorry I left you there with her"

"It's alright" Jay dismissed with a wave of his hand "That's why you have backup, right?"

Erin smiled softly "Right"

Jay sat down in the chair on the other side of Ben's crib, watching Erin hold their son. He remembers night when all they would was sit in the nursery and hold Ben for hours on end, Jay watching over them as they both dozed off to sleep.

"Jay" Erin spoke breaking the silence "Why did you react like that when Bunny mentioned Landon?"

Jay sighed "I'm not judging you Erin, I get that you were going through a lot. And I may not agree with everything you did, but I'm willing to put it behind us so we can move forward, so we can raise Ben together"

Erin frowned as she listened to him "What exactly do you think happened between the two of us?"

Jay could hear the irritation and offense in her voice. He didn't say anything; he knew Erin had already drawn her own conclusion from the subject.

"I didn't sleep with him Jay" Erin muttered annoyed "I may have been going through a lot, but I left you and Ben because I thought that was how I could protect you. And while I know that my actions are slightly contradictory, I would never do anything to hurt you."

Jay was silent for a few minutes "So nothing happened?"

"He tried to kiss me. But I couldn't do that to you, I didn't love him. I don't even like him" Erin chuckled sarcastically.

"Oh…" Jay wasn't sure what else to say. He had never felt so relieved. "Sorry, I just assumed"

Erin shook her head "It's okay. I get why you would" She smiled softly.

They were silent for a while until the nurses came to do their routine check-up of Ben.

"How's he doing?" Erin asked as she handed the baby over to April.

"He'll be okay I think, his airways seemed to have improved and his nose is clearing up a bit" She replied as she inserted the tube in Ben's nostril. Erin shuddered at the sound Ben made and Jay moved to her side, holding her hand hoping to offer her some kind of comfort.  
Erin smiled as she felt Jay's slide between her own, and she couldn't help but feel that they had made some progress today.

"Hey guys" Natalie said walking into the room. She smiled at the two parents before sliding her stethoscope from around her neck and moving to listen to Ben's airways.

"He seems to have improved quite a lot, I think you could probably take him home later today"

Erin and Jay both let out a sigh of relief, their baby boy was going to be okay. Erin thanked Natalie as she felt her throat tighten and tears fill her eyes. Jay wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you Nat" Jay whispered as Natalie nodded walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

"He's really okay" Erin said.

Jay nodded against the top of her head where his chin rested. He held her tight as she cried in relief. The events of the past day, Ben, Bunny, Her and Jay, and the pure exhaustion she felt had all combined and she was having a hard time keeping her emotions in check any longer.

"Sorry" Erin sniffled as she pulled her head back to look up at him "I just- I don't know what I would've done if something worse had happened to him"

"I know Erin, but he's okay" Jay soothed.

Erin kept crying, it was like she was no longer in control of her emotions. Jay hadn't seen her like this before; sure she had cried when she was pregnant and hormonal, but she was never this…hysterical.

Jay walked slowly over to the armchair near Ben's crib and sat down, pulling Erin to sit on top of him. He wasn't really sure if he was crossing a boundary but right now it didn't matter. He ran his arm soothingly up and down her back as she cried into his chest. He knew it had been hard for the both of them over the past day, especially with Bunny showing up again. She just needed to let everything out, and he didn't mind being there for her while she did. They sat there for what felt like hours, until Erin had finally settled down enough to talk.

"I'm so sorry Jay" she spoke softly.

"It's ok, I don't mind" he replied

"No. Not for the crying. I left" She says the words as if some heavy realisation had just hit her "I left you, and I left our son. I became the one person I never wanted to be in this world, my mother. How could I do that to Ben? To you?" she continued.

Erin could feel her throat tightening, the impact of her decisions hitting her like a ton of bricks. What the hell had she done?

"Erin it's okay" Jay repeated

"But it's not" She lifted her head off his chest to look him in the eyes "I fucked everything up, and it's my own fault"

Jay saw the pain in her eyes. They had been doing so well in the past month since she'd been back, he was past all of it, wasn't he?

"Erin. I-I forgive you" he whispered

"You can't Jay" She said sadly

"But I do" And for the first time, he really meant it. He had seen how she had been with Ben, how hard she was working to be a good mother, and to try and repair their professional and personal relationship.

"Jay–"

"Look, I know you screwed up. But we all screw up at points in our lives. You have to let it go Erin, I told you once and I'll tell you again. You can't keep blaming yourself for everything; you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. But it's not your burden to bear, you need to move forward otherwise we're going to both be stuck here"

Erin didn't say anything, she simply nodded and lay her head back down on Jay's chest, smiling as Jay's lips pressed against her hair gently. Jay was right, she needed to move forward, so they both could. She heard Jay begin to snore softly and moved slightly so she could pull out her phone from her back pocket, pulling up her messages to Doctor Charles.

 _Can we talk?_

 **A/N: So, I know I left it at a kind of weird place, but I just wanted to get al these little bits and pieces out of the way so we can move forward with this story, otherwise this thing is going to end up being 100 chapters long :P**

 **Hope you're all having a good week, please review and let me know what you thought!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey everyone! So I have to let you know now, some of the points made by Erin in this story are actually from real life. Not mine, but in my community and family studies class we've been watching this short film called 'polly and me' and an interview about different kids who have been in that situation, and it kind of made me think of Erin's situation. Just wanted to offer full disclosure :)**

 **Also, the italics are flashbacks, most are little things that Jay's said to her at one time or the other or vice versa.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~**

*One Week Later*

"I don't really know where to start" Erin's voice was uncharacteristically nervous. Her hands sat in her lap, her fingers constantly fiddling around.

"You're here" Dr Charles smiled "I'd say that's a pretty good start"

Erin smiled slightly as she looked at the therapist. They'd had a few sessions when she returned to work, under Voight's strict rules. They hadn't really talked much though, Erin wasn't really ready to start talking soon and Dr Charles wasn't the type to force a patient into discussing something they didn't want to.

"How about we start with last week. Why did you ask to see me?" Dr Charles started

"Ben developed RSV, he was rushed to the hospital" Erin explained "and Bunny decided that was the right time to show up again"

"And?" He pushed

"And we had a huge argument. And I kicked her out of my life, again" Erin shrugged like it was no big deal.

"And how do you feel about that?"

Erin snorted "Don't shrinks get tired of asking that question?"

"Erin"

"I guess ... I know it's what needed to be done, for my family. But she's my mother, I always hoped that she would clean up her act and be there for me. I guess I just wasn't enough for her"

"Tell me more about your childhood. We've talked about Hank coming into your life, but you never really told me what made you start taking drugs"

Erin sighed "I was always surrounded by addicts, basically my entire life. I remember my dad used to take me and Teddy out every Sunday when Bunny would get absolutely shit-faced with all the neighbours. He used to tell me that Teddy and I, we were destined for something more than the life we had"

"What happened to change that?" Dr Charles asked

"He went to prison. And suddenly there wasn't anyone to protect me from the environment I was in. I wanted so badly to connect with my mum, to have her love me, want me. And I remember when I was 15, all the girls were taking drugs, staying home with their mums. They all got along. I thought that maybe if I started taking drugs, my mum and I would connect too"

"And did it? Bring you two closer together?"

Erin shook her head.

"Ok, tell me about your family" Dr Charles changed subject "Your unit, your son, your partner"

"My unit's amazing. They've had my back since day one, and they didn't judge me even after I left and fucked everything up" Erin paused "I've never really understood why they did that. I hurt them all so much"

"You said it yourself in our first session, they're your family" Dr Charles replied "Keep going"

"Ben, is everything. He's the one good thing I ever truly did. He's been babbling a lot more lately, Jay reckons he's going to start talking any day" Erin smiled brightly

"Tell me about Jay"

"He's my partner. He's been there for me for everything, even when he didn't agree with me, he still stood by me. Supported me"

"You know, we've never really discussed your relationship with him. You've said he's your partner, but from what I gather from his brother and Hank, the two of you have always been a lot more than just partners, enough that you created a child together"

Erin's smile faded to a sadder one "We had been trying the whole professional relationship while raising a baby thing, and then when I moved to the task force we started seeing each other. Hank didn't really seem to mind when I moved back to intelligence. We moved in together, we were happy. I finally had the family that I had always dreamed of...And then Nadia died"

"What did Nadia's death have to do with your relationship?" Dr Charles spoke

Silence.

"Erin, We have to talk about this. You evaded it the first time we did this, but if you're serious about wanting help, you've got to talk to me instead of pushing me away"

 _"You've got to talk to me Erin. I can't keep doing this with you. You've got to stop being so hard on yourself. You push everyone away because you think you deserve to be punished. But it's what holding you back. It's what's tearing us apart"_

"I blamed myself" She spoke softly this time "All I could think about was that if I hadn't gone anywhere near her, if I had just left her where I'd found her, she'd still be alive. I thought that, maybe if I just left the people I cared about, I could protect them. If I wasn't there to cause them pain then they would be safe. I didn't want to lose anyone else in my life"

Dr Charles frowned "Nadia was a drug addict when you met her, correct?" Erin nodded her head

"I think it's safe to assume that there is a very good chance she would have been dead from drugs a lot sooner, had you not saved her from that" He said "Erin, you gave her a better quality of life. Even if it was short-lived, Nadia was much happier, and she had a life worth living, because of you. You can't blame yourself for the actions of a serial rapist"

"I know that now" Erin agreed "It took a while, but I do understand that now"

"And what made you realise that?"

"Jay"

Dr Charles smiled "Mr Halstead seems to be a very big factor in your life"

"He's my best friend"

"Is that all he is?" he inquired

"That's all he can be" She spoke sadly "He made it very clear that the two of us were partners, and friends, and parents to Ben. We couldn't be anything more" she shrugged.

Dr Charles raised an eyebrow "Why don't I believe you?"

"He really did say that" Erin promised "But, lately some of his actions have just been the opposite of what he's saying. And I don't know how to interpret that. Do I put myself out there? Do I wait for him to change his mind? I'm a mess here doc"

"That's what love does to you unfortunately" Dr Charles laughed "Do you? Love him?

"Yes, with all my heart. I want us to be a family, to be partners in _every_ sense of the words not just in the professional capacity. He and Ben are my family, my whole world"

Dr Charles nodded, writing notes on his paper pad. He took off his glasses and placed them on top of his pen and paper on the table next to him

"We've only got a minute or two until our session ends, so can I make a suggestion?" Erin nodded "How about we focus on you, and your relationship with Jay as well, for the next few sessions, and maybe in a couple week's time you can invite Jay in here to talk with us?"

Erin thought about it for a moment. Did she want to drag Jay into this? She had promised him she'd let him in, maybe this was the best way to do that.

"Ok, let's do it"

* * *

"Are you sure you can look after him?" Jay asked as he handed Ben to Hank.

Burgess, Ruzek, Dawson and Atwater had decided to have dinner and drinks together at a new restaurant Burgess' sister had opened in Chicago. They had invited both Erin and Jay along as well. Both parents were feeling overwhelmingly nervous, since this was the first night they would be leaving Ben since he had been in the hospital.

"You realise I raised a boy myself? Not to mention that little hellion of yours" Hank said flicking his chin in Erin's direction

"Hey!" She frowned "I was not that bad!"

"I bet" Jay snorted as Erin hit his shoulder.

"just go, I'll call if there are any problems"

"You promise?" Erin questioned, leaning in to kiss Ben's nose for what Hank felt was the hundredth time in the last couple of minutes.

"If you two don't get out of my house right now I'm gonna throw you in the cage" He grumbled "Leave me and my grandson be, and go have fun with the team. We'll be fine"

Jay sighed and nodded, leaning and to kiss Ben as well before taking Erin's hand and dragging her out the door to the car. He chuckled as Erin grabbed the keys from his hand, skipping around to the driver's side of the car, a cheeky smile on her face.

"He'll be fine with Hank right?" Erin asked as they began their drive to the restaurant.

"Of course, tonight will be fun Lindsay. Trust me, I've got a feeling about this" he smirked at Erin as she smiled in return. Tonight was looking hopeful already.

 **A/N: So, I hope you liked the little insights of Dr Charles and Erin's session. I'm not the greatest with that kind of stuff in terms of my writing so I tried to use as much of my own experiences and from what I've seen on different shows and stuff to offer as realistic an example as I could.**

 **Next will be more of the dinner and some Grandpa-Grandson time for Hank and Ben.**

 **As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

 **Have a good week!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind Ch 9**

 **A/N: Hey! Thank you all for your reviews, they're always valued and appreciated! I wasn't 100% sure about where I was taking this chapter, it feels like a bit of a filler but I'm pretty happy with where it has reached. I kind of can't remember if I mentioned Burzek in this before, but they're together in this story. I might change my mind later though…**

 **ALSO, my line-break thingy wasn't working so in some places there's a line and then in others it just says "~LINSTEAD~".**

 **I was asked about where, according to the season 3 storyline, this story is at. We're in the month of October between episodes 4 and 5.**

 **Enjoy!**

 _Jay sighed and nodded, leaning in to kiss Ben as well before taking Erin's hand and dragging her out the door to the car. He chuckled as Erin grabbed the keys from his hand, skipping around to the driver's side of the car, a cheeky smile on her face._

 _"He'll be fine with Hank right?" Erin asked as they began their drive to the restaurant._

 _"Of course, tonight will be fun Lindsay. Trust me, I've got a feeling about this" he smirked at Erin as she smiled in return. Tonight was looking hopeful already._

 **~ LINSTEAD ~**

"Erin!" Kim Burgess exclaimed as she waved her hand in front of her friend's face "are you even listening"

"Sorry" Erin said sheepishly "I just can't stop thinking about Ben. It's only been a week since his infection, I just hope he's okay"

"Er, he's with Hank. He'll be fine" Jay said as he and Adam sat down next to the girls, Jay passing Erin the whiskey he'd ordered for her.

Erin narrowed her eyes at him "Since when did you trust Voight so much? You used to make the biggest fuss out of both of us when he looked after Ben"

Jay simply shrugged "He's the only grandparent Ben's got. And besides, Hank loves him, he's not going to do anything that would put him in harm's way" he reasoned.

Erin sighed and nodded her head, admitting defeat. She concentrated back on Kim as she told Erin about the maid-of-honour dress she had picked out for Erin, and the bridesmaids dresses for her sister and Adam's niece. Erin had been extremely surprised when Burgess had first asked her to be her maid-of-honour, but Kim quickly explained how Erin had become a good friend to her, especially after she had pulled favours with Voight to partner them up once or twice.

Erin had guided Burgess through her career in some of the hardest moments, and Kim considered her to be one of the closest friends she had. And if Erin was being honest, Kim was probably one of the closest friends she had as well.

"So, have you two finally agreed on a date?" Jay asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, January 28th. Three months should hopefully be enough time" Adam chuckled.

"It doesn't take that long to plan a wedding if you know what you want. Platt's already organised her entire wedding to Mouch" Erin pointed out

"Yeah but she's been planning her wedding since she was ten. Have you seen her wedding book?" Erin shook her head at Kim's question "She has a dress from Woolworths in it. They closed twenty years ago!" They all laughed at Kim's shocked exclamation.

"Well at least she has everything organised" Jay argued "I'd probably end up going to City Hall and getting married in the space of five minutes"

Adam and Jay chuckled loudly, and Erin let out an awkward laugh as Kim smiled sadly at her. She didn't know why Jay's comment made her feel so uncomfortable.

"Hey, I'll be right back" Erin said quickly excusing herself.

Jay watched Erin intently as she walked to the bar, sitting down on a barstool. He made a move to get up, but was stopped when Burgess put her hand up indicated for him to stay with Adam while she went to talk to Erin. Jay sighed and focused his attention back on Adam as they discussed picking out a best man.

…

"so" Kim said as she sat down next to Erin "what's got you so glum?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders "I don't know why it bothered me so much. It's just a harmless comment, right?" she asked taking a large sip of her drink.

"about Jay getting married?" Kim frowned "It's not like you guys are engaged, why are you so worried about getting married?"

"It's not so much about _us_ getting married –"

"The idea of him marrying _someone else_ bothered you" Kim smirked

"I sound pathetic. He's not even mine" Erin groaned as she put her head in her hands.

"Oh honey, he's yours" Kim chuckled "Just because he's not with you doesn't mean his heart isn't with you"

Erin shakes her head "That makes no sense Kim"

"Erin, you and Jay may not be in a relationship, but you're a family. You have his heart, he loves you. And if you're being honest, he has your heart too. You just need to give him some time, he's not going anywhere. I promise you"

Erin let her friend's words sink in. She smiled lightly at Kim and stood up, indicating her head back to their table at the restaurant.

 **~ LINSTEAD ~**

"I thought they'd never leave" Hank says as he feeds his grandson "I tell you Ben, your parents are absolute nut cases sometimes"

Ben simply looks at his grandpa making aeroplanes with his spoonful of food and giggles as he opens his mouth wide to accept the morsel of mashed potatoes.

"You're quite hungry tonight aren't you" Hank says more to himself than Ben.

Ben squeals loudly and Hank chuckles as Ben mumbles sounds, trying to communicate, waiting for the day that he actual hears a proper word come out of the young boy's mouth.

"We should probably be teaching you how to say mama. I have a feeling Erin will be crushed if you say papa first" Hank simply replies before picking up another spoonful of food for Ben.

After they finished their dinner, Hank washed and changed Ben so he was ready for bed. He sat on the couch with Ben snuggled against his couch while he tried to decide what to watch. Ben was beginning to fuss and he knew the baby would struggle to sleep without one of his parents to put him to sleep.

Hank stood and quickly walked into his office, pulling out the box from under his desk. He cradled Ben in one arm and opened the box with the other pulling out the tape. He went back into the living room, putting the tape in the player and sitting down on the couch.

"Let's see if this soothes you yeah?" Hank spoke softly in the 11-month-old's ear as the video began to play.

" _Jay! It's going to take forever if you do it like that" Erin yelled as she held Ben in her arms._

" _I'm not doing anything wrong" Jay mumbled as he cut the cake_

" _If you do square pieces then it will be easier to cut" Erin pointed out_

" _Rectangles don't take any longer Lindsay"_

" _let me do it" Erin said reaching over to take the knife from him. Jay moved the knife out of her reach and Erin's hand landed on a slice of cake._

" _Jay!" Erin snapped as he held out her sticky hand for the utensil._

" _Nope. My birthday my rules" Jay smirked_

" _Well I made the damn thing. My cake my rules" Erin sassed back._

" _Well I have the knife. So there's nothing you can do"_

 _Erin moved to closer to Jay and slapped her hand onto his face, wiping cake icing all down the front of his nose and dropping it onto his shirt. Jay stood, eyes and mouth wide open as he placed the knife on the bench behind him._

" _Oh, you're so fucking dead" Jay spoke lowly as he walked slowly towards Erin._

 _Erin began to walk backwards, holding Ben in front of her "Jay, I've got the baby. You wouldn't want to throw cake on your own son would you?"_

 _Her question was answered when Jay picked up a handful of cake and threw it in her face, hitting her forehead and splaying into her hair._

 _Erin gasped loudly as she held onto Ben tightly with one arm, reaching over to throw more cake in Jay. They kept going like this until both were covered in cake. Jay running around the table trying to catch Erin, an egg in his hand as he ran._

" _Okay! I give up!" Erin yelled holding her hand up. She, Ben and Jay all had cake smeared over them and cake stuck to the walls, table and benches surrounding them as well._

" _Oh really?" Jay smirked as he wrapped his arm around her waist._

 _Erin nodded and Jay leaned in to kiss her cheek, a cheeky grin forming as she closed her eyes in anticipation, and Jay lifted his hand to crush the egg against her hair._

"Your parents really weren't that subtle about their relationship" Hank chuckled as he looked down at Ben, the baby now sleeping contently in his arms.

Hank looks back at the screen now stopped at the last image of the video; Ben cradled between Jay and Erin as he smiles down at her.

"I know you might be worried about your parents, but I have a feeling it's going to work out for them. And grandpa will let the whole in-house romance rule go, okay?"

Ben just snuggles further into his grandpa and sighs contently.

 **~ LINSTEAD ~**

"You know, we really should do this more often" Erin smiled as she and Jay sat next to each other in the booth. Adam and Kim were discussing Platt appointing herself as their wedding organiser, something which Adam was not happy about. At all.

"It's nice to get out. I think sometimes we forget that we're more than just parents" Jay agreed.

"We should plan time for us to get out at least once or twice every month" Erin replied

Jay raised an eyebrow "Is that separately or together?"

"I'm good with either" Erin shrugged, a teasing tone in her voice.

Jay smiled as he watched Erin. Her eyes bright and carefree, she looked happier than he had seen her in recent times. She hadn't been the same since Nadia, and while she had been trying, it felt like she as finally getting back to who she was. To who Jay knew she is.

Their conversation was interrupted by the waiter coming over and speaking softly to Jay. Erin watched as Jay chuckled slightly before nodding his head and handing the waiter his credit card.

Jay looked back over at Erin "Apparently we've overstayed our welcome"

Erin looked at him surprised "They're kicking us out!?"

"Well they've been shut for an hour and a half, I don't think management can afford to pay for all the overtime we're costing them"

Erin looked around and took in the seats all around them, now stacked up on tables. The doors were all shut, and most of the lights were turned off except for those around them.

"Yeah" Jay laughed as he saw the recognition on Erin's face. He took her hand and stood up, prompting Adam and Kim to do the same.

"Let's get out of here" he said as they all walked to the restaurant exit.

 **~ LINSTEAD ~**

"Here we are" Jay says as he pulls up at the front of Hank's house.

Erin nods silently and they both get out of the car and walk to the front door.

"Tonight was really nice" Erin starts as they stand on the porch "Thank you"

Jay shrugs "I just thought we could do with a night out, try and move forward you know?"

Erin nods again and stands awkwardly, unsure of what to do or say.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Erin smiles

Jay nods this time "See you tomorrow"

He watches Erin turn away from him and walk further towards the door, reaching into her pocket to grab her key. He should take the leap; he knows what he wants. But does she?

"Erin?" She turns around to face him "Do you maybe want to do this again some time?"

"Uh, sure. I guess we'll have to check when Burgess and Ruzek are free and –"

"I meant just us" He cuts her off.

"Oh" Erin mumbles as realisation sets in "Are you asking me out detective?"

"Yeah I guess I am" His answer is soft, shy. Unlike Jay.

Erin leans in and kisses his cheek gently "I'd like that"

She turns back around and puts her key in the door, but not before catching a glimpse of Jay's wide smile before he walks back to his car.

 **A/N: I hope this worked well, I feel like it's about time they try to progress a little?**

 **As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

 **Enjoy the upcoming weekend.**

 **Maddie :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Oh my god we're at 10 Chapters already!? I remember starting this story and only planning to have five chapters at the most and it's just sort of taken on a life of it's own but I love it. And thank you all for your amazing reviews and PM's about how much you like this story you guys rock :D**

 **NOTE: We're at episode 3x05/06 timeline-wise. and Italics with the apostrophe (') are the person's thought.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~ Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind ~**

Hank watched curiously as Erin sat down at her desk. She had been acting weird the past few days. He would've suspected she had fallen off the wagon again, but her latest - and last, before moving out - urine test could prove that theory false. She had been so happy when she and Halstead had come back from dinner with Burgess and Ruzek. But slowly, he could see that something was weighing her down, causing her to act so out of it. He just didn't know what.

But he did know that whatever it was, it had to do with the man she kept peeking across at from her desk.

...

Erin sighed as she poured her fourth cup of coffee that morning. Ben had kept her up most of the night, he had just begun teething which was making him a very irritable eleven-month-old. The whole team had been placing bets on when Ben would start crawling, and Erin and Jay had been trying to encourage him more and more, since the date they had bet was less than a week away.

She felt her mood sour as she thought of Jay. He had asked her out on a date _**two weeks ago**_. But then he hadn't made any plans to actually _**go out on**_ _ **a date with her**_. And now she was so worried he had forgotten about asking her in the first place that she didn't want to ask him and embarrass herself.

"Hey" Jay walked into the break room and Erin mumbled a quick "hey" back to him. He stood beside her as he poured a cup of coffee for himself, and Erin sucked in a breath as his arms brushed against her in his attempt to grab the sugar canister. Jay smiled as he turned around and began to walk out of the room.

"Jay?" She said stopping him. He looked at her questioningly. Erin froze. Why had she called out his name?

"Do you have a couch guy?"

Jay frowned "A what?"

 _'Smooth Erin_. _Where the hell are you going with this?'_

"You know. You have a guy for everything. I need to get a new couch for my apartment"

"What's wrong with the one you have?" He asked.

"I just figured I'd get some new furniture for my new start. And I'm pretty sure someone threw up on it" She said.

"Oh" Jay laughed "Yeah, I can probably sort something out for you"

Erin smiled "Thanks. And maybe you can bring Ben with you and help me set it up?"

Jay narrowed his eyes "You trying to get free labour out of me?"

"There may or may not be pizzas and beer in exchange for your services"

"I dunno..." he teased rubbing his chin in contemplation.

Erin simply shrugged "Hey, if you're not interested I can always ask Atwater -"

"I'll be there"

Erin bit her lip to suppress the smile she could feel bursting through, and nodded her head

"Alright then"

"So you and Lindsay have a date tomorrow?" Antonio said taking a sip of his beer

Jay scoffed "It's not a date. I offered to help her move back into her apartment a few weeks ago, that's all"

"You said you asked her on a date. How long ago was that"

"Two weeks ago" Jay mumbled into his beer.

"What the hell!? You can't just ask a girl out and then not discuss it with her for two weeks! I thought you were supposed to be the smart one" Kim exclaimed.

Jay sighed. He truly had meant to make plans with her. But then they got wrapped up in their cases, as always. And then a week had passed and he was too nervous to bring it up. What if she had forgotten about it? Or changed her mind?  
 _'Dude, you're a fucking wreck when it comes to her'._

"That wasn't my intention" Jay argued.

"Well you better figure out a way to make it up to her man. And fast" Ruzek said.

Jay simply nodded his head and took a sip of his beer, not wanting to continue the discussion any further. Atwater started up a new conversation about their latest case, except Jay wasn't listening. He was too busy trying to think of a way to fix his fuck up.

"Hey Burgess, you still have that picnic blanket I gave you for the Secret Santa thing last Christmas?"

Erin fixed her hair for what felt like the hundredth time, she couldn't seem to get it to sit perfectly. She sighed in frustration as a few tendrils fell in front of her face yet again. She was just putting a couch together, why the hell was she trying to look so nice.  
 _'Because it's putting a couch together with your partner/ex-boyfriend/baby daddy who you're still madly in love with'._

She was distracted from her thoughts by the knock at the door. Glancing over herself one more time she quickly walked out of her bedroom to answer the door. She was immediately met with her squealing son. Erin chuckled at the little boy's exuberant response to seeing her.

"Hi buddy!" She smiled reaching her arms out for him "How was your day?"

She listened as Ben made incoherent 'baby babble' to her, nodding her head and smiling along in encouragement.

"Wow, sounds like a busy day little man"

"I'm tired just hearing it" Erin spun around to see Jay still standing outside her door, a large basket in one hand. What was he holding that for?

"Can I come in?"

Erin snapped back to attention "Yeah! Sorry, come in. I forgot you were there for a second"

"Oh, I guess I see where your priorities are" Jay sassed

"You mean with my son?" Erin sassed back "Hate to break it to you but he's the most important man in my life"

Jay lay his hand over his hard before dramatically exclaiming "You wound me Er, you really know how to hurt a man"

Erin rolled her eyes looking back at her son "I hope you didn't inherit your Daddy's idiotic tendencies Benny"

"You know I think I might just take this lovely basket and head home" he teased.

"Yeah right" Erin scoffed walking further into the house.

She smirked to herself as she heard the door close, and footsteps following a minute later.

"So, what is in the basket?"

Jay looked at her apologetically "I realise we haven't had that date night of ours, and I wanted to try and make it up to you"

Erin smiled to herself. _'He remembered'_

"That doesn't answer my question"

Jay smiled "This is everything I need to make my Mama's special Chicken pot pie"

"I love chicken pot pie" Erin replied

"I know" he replied smugly before walking into the kitchen, leaving Erin in the living room with a face splitting grin on her face.

LINEBREAK

"So how was last night?" Erin asked as she and Ben sat on the floor in front of the kitchen island on the picnic rug Jay had brought with him.

Jay shrugged "Same old. Drinking, joking around, Burgess busting my balls"

Erin raised her eyebrow "You better watch your language around my kid Halstead. If his first word is something it shouldn't be I'm coming for you"

" _Our_ kid won't be talking for a while yet. I've still got a few more months before I need to censor myself, at least according to the books we read when you were pregnant"

"I still can't believe you read all those books I gave you" Erin said looking up at him from her spot on the floor.

Jay stopped chopping the vegetables to look at her as well "I didn't want to turn out like my Dad. So if that meant reading fourteen books on pregnancy and the first six to twelve months of your child's life and development, it's well worth it"

Jay looked back down at the chopping board in front of him, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable. Erin placed Ben on his back on his play mat with the toys hanging from the foam bar above it to entertain him, and walked over to her partner.

"Hey" She spoke quietly as she placed her hand under his chin forcing him to look at her "You're the best father to our son that I could ever ask for. You kept him safe, you looked after him while I was gone. I may not know a lot about it, but I do know that you're nothing like your father Jay"

"Thank you" he said kissing her cheek "You're a pretty awesome mum too"

"I know" Erin smirked walking back over to their son.

Jay just shook his head and chuckled before focusing back on his dinner preparations.

…

"And dinner is served" Jay announced placing a plate in front of Erin on the rug. Ben was laying down contently on his mat, the dangling toys still offering him great amusement.

"Such a gentleman" she smiled taking a fork from him.

"Mama always taught me to treat a girl right" Jay said digging into his food.

"Apparently Mama's lessons on manners when eating didn't stick" Erin laughed seeing the gravy from the pie dribble down his chin.

Jay chuckled "She always used to get so mad at Will and I. She knew that this was our favourite meal of hers, but it always resulted in our clothes and most of the tablecloth being stained"

Erin smiled "You never really talk about your family"

"Neither do you" he said.

"Touché. I am trying though." Erin countered.

Jay sighed "I know. I guess I should try a little harder too, huh?"

Erin shrugged "It's a two-way street Jay. But I can't make you share something with me if you don't trust me enough to tell me about it"

"It's not that I don't trust you" He said placing his plate down "My family's a hard subject for me Erin. I have a lot of good memories, but most of them tainted in some way. My Mum died when I was on tour. I couldn't be there for her, I barely came back in time for her funeral. And my Dad has always been a jerk to me. We never saw eye to eye, especially when I enlisted"

Erin took the opportunity to ask her questions "Why was enlisting such an issue"

"Because Halstead men grow up to be doctors, not soldiers" He spoke bitterly "My Dad never could get over the fact that I wasn't following in his footsteps. And when Mama got sick … he blamed me for it. Said if I had been here she wouldn't have been so depressed, and stressed about me being over there"

"It's not your fault Jay"

"I know" He nodded "But my Dad just loved to blame me for everything. He didn't want to admit that my Mum withdrew from him long before I left, that it was his dickhead attitude that was the reason for their divorce, not me."

"I'm sorry"

Jay shook his head "It was a long time ago Erin"

They both sat in the silence. Their food growing cold and the awkwardness building again.

"Tell me a good memory?" She asked.

Jay was quiet still, she was beginning to think she had pushed him too far.

"When I enlisted, I was nineteen. I had always planned on it since the beginning of high school, she knew that. My Dad thought he could change my mind before then. So when I told them all that I was leaving in two months, no surprise my Dad called me a disgrace and then walked out the door. Will was upset, but he had expected it. My mum was the only one that had told me she was proud of me"

"She sounds like a wonderful woman." Erin added.

"She was" Jay said sadly "Anyways, Will said he had to get to a lecture and left about five minutes after I told him. Mama took me to the park we used to go to as kids. We just walked around and discussed my travel plan and what details my training advisor had given me. And then we sat down on a bench under this beautiful, old oak tree. It was her favourite" He choked on his words

"Jay you don't have to –" Erin started.

"I want to" He interjected "I can still remember every word she said to, like it was yesterday. We sat there on that bench for what felt like hours, not saying then a word. And then all of a sudden she whispered so softly I almost missed it. 'You were always meant for more Jay. I always said that I never had favourites between you and Will, and I didn't. But I always knew you were special, in such an extraordinary way. You're going to do great things with your life, meaningful things. And I'm so happy that I had the privilege of raising such a caring, sweet boy. You've made me more proud then I've ever been in my life'"

Those words had been burned into his memory since the day he heard them. They had gotten him through so many hard days, days that felt like they would never end. Cases that felt too painful to deal with. Heartbreak that felt like it could kill him. His mother had always been in his heart, she had always been with him. Guiding him.

"That's my favourite memory of all. Those words saved me time and time again Erin. They made feel like for once, I wasn't the disappointment, the screw-up. I spent my life being compared to Will by my Dad, but my mum never judged me. She was always there for me, no matter what. And that's all I've ever wanted for our son, it's why I fought so hard not to be like my Dad"

Erin could feel tears prick her eyes, tears that were already evident in Jay's. She reached out and held his hand. Squeezing gently, whispering softly "You will never be your father. I promise" before wrapping her arms around him tightly.

They stayed like that for a few moments, before Erin pulled away.

"Thank you" she whispered "for trusting me enough to tell me all that"

"I trust you Erin, infinitely" Jay said.

Erin blushed and looked down to the rug beneath them. No one had ever spoken so … emotionally to her. And she knew that he meant every word of it.

"I think our food's going cold" She spoke.

Jay looked down at their half eaten chicken pot pies and laughed "This isn't the best first date/makeup date I've ever done"

Erin smiled "Ben, Beers, Pie and You? I'd say it's a pretty good date. Even if I did have to wait two weeks for it"

Jay smiled back at her "Hey Erin?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you mention the date before?"

Erin shrugged and mumbled a quick "I dunno"

Jay gave her a pointed look and raised eyebrow, letting her know that he didn't believe it for a second.

"I guess I was nervous" She offered

Jay frowned "Of what?"

"I thought … maybe you forgot about our date?" she said "And I didn't want to remind you and feel like an idiot and have everything be awkward and –"

She was cut off from her nervous rambling by Jay's lips against hers. She sat shocked for a moment, before responding to his action. She brought her hands to comb through his short hair as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her almost completely into his lap.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Both basking in the feeling that they had missed for so long.

Erin opened her eyes and caught a glimpse behind her, quickly pulling back. They both stayed in each other's embrace, fighting to gain their breaths.

"Jay?" She whispered breathlessly

"Yeah?" He smiled

"I think we're winning that bet" She smiled

Jay looked at her confused "Huh!?"

Jay followed her eyesight and looked behind him to see Ben on all fours, slowly moving one hand and foot together against the rug. Erin and Jay both smiled as they watched their son begin to crawl. He looked hesitantly at his parents, freezing in his spot.

"Come on buddy, come here!" Jay cheered as he and Erin both wave their hands at Ben, trying to encourage him to move towards them. Ben's eyes flicker between his hands below him and his parents. He smiled happily before crawling towards them, his hands slipping under the rug from time to time but he still gets back up and keeps going until he reaches Erin and Jay.

Jay scoops Ben up in his arms, peppering kisses on his face "You did so good buddy!"

Erin leaned over and kissed Ben's cheek, praising her son as he giggled contently in his father's arm. She looked up and saw Jay smiling at her.

"Jay. Why did you kiss me?" Jay frowns at her question "Not that I'm complaining, I just want to know why"

"For coming back to me"

Erin was silent for a few minutes before leaning in to place a quick but firm kiss on his lips.

"What was that for?" Jay asked when she pulled away.

Erin smiled "Because I wanted to kiss you"

 **A/N: So, I hope that was okay!? I really tried to put a lot in there and try and move their relationship forward. Just because they've kissed doesn't mean everything is all smooth sailing for them now. We've still got a lot coming!**

 **As always, reviews are appreciated!**

 **Maddie :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while, I got kind of stuck with this. This is the longest chapter I have ever written (over 4000 words!) so hopefully that makes up for the delay...?**

 **I'm going to try and pick this up a little and focus on Jay and Erin through some of the episodes, I hope you like it! I apologise for all the chop and change in this chapter, I tried to skim over the episode yet cover the important details.**

 **Same thing applies, Italics in apostrophes (') are the character's thoughts.**

 **There are some direct quotes from 3x07 used in this as well. Thanks to Charmita, CPDFanGirl and my friend Alex (Guest) for kicking my butt in to gear with getting this update up ASAP :D**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~ Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind ~**

Jay sighed as he looked at the board in the Intelligence Unit's office, Cody's photo pinned up next to his diary entries and Ethan's photo pinned up alongside them. He knew he should be doing something to contribute to the case but all he could do was stare at the board.

"Hey" Erin spoke softly, breaking Jay from his trance. He looked up and smiled stiffly as Erin scanned the empty room before leaning down to kiss his cheek.

"Have you moved at all since we got back?" She asked pulling up a chair next to him.

Jay simply shook his head, averting his eyes from hers as she let out a worried sigh.

"Jay, what's–"

"I'm going to get some coffee" He said and shot up out of his chair and moving quickly.

Erin brought her hand to rest against her forehead letting out a groan of frustration. Jay had been shutting her out since they went and talked to Cody's mother. She saw something in his eyes when the woman was describing her child; his lack of friends, being bullied most of his life, feeling like he didn't belong. She knew something was wrong, but he wasn't talking about it.

She turned her head to watch Jay from her peripheral vision as he moved methodically around the break room. She moved to follow after him, but was cut short as her calendar alert buzzed on her phone.

 _Dr. Charles, 10:00 am._

The last thing she felt like doing was leaving Jay like this, but Voight would kill her if she missed a session. Jay would normally take her but she didn't think that was an option today. With one more glance at her partner, Erin grabbed her jacket and keys from her desk before heading towards the stairs.

"Hey Mouse?" Erin stopped at the desk just before the exit of the IU office "Keep an eye on him for me, will you?"

Mouse smiled softly, nodding his head and with that Erin continued out of the office.

LINEBREAK

"Something's bothering you" Dr Charles observed as he sat across from Erin.

She hand been silent for the past ten minutes since answering his last question, her hands sat in her lap, fingers wrapping and un-wrapping around each other.

Erin looks up and smiled tightly "It's fine"

"Talk to me Erin, that's what I'm here for" Dr Charles replied.

Erin's head stayed down, her eyes glued to her fiddling hands "Things with Jay are just … really tense right now."

"I thought you two were going well after your date last week?"

Dr Charles watches her carefully, aware of the fact that she doesn't like to be pushed into a conversation. He can hear her sigh, contemplating how to explain the situation.

"we have this case, a 14-year-old boy committed suicide and had brought a bomb to his school. He's got a friend, Ethan, who we're trying to find right now. And Jay's just really invested in the case"

"Is that not normal for him?" Dr Charles asked.

Erin shakes her head looking up to meet his expectant eyes "We're all always invested in the cases we work, but this is different. Something about this case, these two boys. It's getting to him. And he won't tell me why"

"And how does that make you feel?"

Dr Charles chuckled when he saw her roll her eyes. He knew she hated that question and as much as he tried to avoid it, sometimes it was necessary.

"Erin" Dr Charles spoke firmly, sternly. Pulling his glasses down off the bridge of his nose.

"I'm angry! He's making me feel invalid. We were doing so well these past few months since I've been back, especially in the last couple weeks. And now he's shutting me out, he won't talk to me. He keeps telling me how we have to be open and honest with each other and we can't keep running from our problem, but I guess it's only towards me!"

She could feel her anger bubbling. She knew Jay wasn't trying to make her feel like this, but he was. And it made her feel uncomfortable.

"How are we supposed to move forward in a relationship if he won't open up to me?"

Dr Charles smiled softly, reaching over to place his hand on the young detective's shoulder.

"There's only one person that can answer that for you Erin"

LINEBREAK

Jay was quiet as he stirred the spoon in his coffee, trying to dissolve the copious amount of sugar he had put into his cup. His mind kept drifting back to EJ, to Ben, to Erin. He knew he was being rude to her, but he couldn't help it. All he wanted was to find this kid, to help him. He didn't want him to end up like Cody, he needed to find him.

"Hey" Mouse said entering the break room "Erin still not back yet?"

Jay frowned "She left?"

"Yeah she had a meeting with Dr Charles, like she does every Thursday. I'm surprised you didn't take her, you normally do."

Jay's eyes shut, mentally scolding himself. He had been freezing her out all day, and then he hadn't even remembered to take her to her appointment.

' _Smooth move Halstead'._

"Jay" Mouse's voice was soft as he approached his friend, leaning against the counter next to him "What's going on buddy?"

Jay's grip on the counter edge was tight as he leaned down, exhaling a large breath.

"These kids" his eyes met Mouth's "their stories, it just brings up some bad memories. I don't want Ethan to end up like Cody."

"He won't, we'll make sure we get to him before that happens."

Jay doesn't say anything in response, just nods his head.

"Can I make one suggestion though? Talk to your partner" Mouse smiles, pats his friend's shoulder and walks back out of the break room.

LINEBREAK

Erin trudged slowly up the stairs. She had been gone for almost two hours now, her appointment with Dr Charles had given her a lot to think about, and so she walked around a little before getting a call from Voight requesting her back at the district.

She had thought about everything that had been happening between her and Jay, her emotions were everywhere. She had settled down since her session, and at first she was upset, confused. Then the more she thought about it, the feeling escalated to annoyance and frustration. And somehow, without really knowing, she had reached anger once again. She was angry at Jay for not talking to her, at herself for not bucking up and actually asking him what was wrong, she was angry at the whole situation.

Erin walked through the office heading straight into Hank's office, not looking at Jay even though she saw his head pop up out of the corner of her eye. If he wasn't going to talk to her, she wasn't going to talk to him.

' _Mature Erin. Real mature.'_

"Hey kid" Voight said as Erin sat down across from him "how was Dr Charles?"

Erin shrugged "It was fine. What happened here?"

Voight pushed a piece of paper towards Erin "We've got an address, need you and Halstead to check it out"

Erin nodded her head, grabbing the paper and reading the address.

Voight frowned "Everything okay with you?"

"Fine"

Voight could tell something else was going on, but knew he couldn't push her to tell him anything. "Ok then, let me know what you find."

"You got it" Erin said as she exited the office. Her eyes met Jay's and she nudged her head towards the exit, watching as he nodded and grabbed his jacket to follow after her as she sped out the back exit.

"How was your appointment?" Jay asked as they drove.

Erin's eyes stayed focused on the road ahead of her "Same as always."

"Dr Charles still annoying you?" Jay said with a little chuckle.

"Nope." She replied, popping the 'p' as she spoke.

Jay turned his head properly, his eyes boring into her "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I know you Erin, something's bothering you I can tell."

"I didn't think you'd been paying that much attention."

Jay was quiet for a few moments. Erin could see him out of her peripheral, he was still watching her, trying to figure out what to say.

"You're mad at me?"

Erin shrugged, her face remaining blank "We'd actually have to be talking to have something to be mad about."

"Erin" Jay sighed "I'm sorry about today, I wasn't trying to-"

"Why won't you talk to me?" Erin cut him off "You keep avoiding the conversation, you won't tell me what's wrong. And quite frankly, it's pissing me off."

Jay let out an annoyed chuckle " _Me_ not talking is pissing _you_ off? That's rich Er."

Erin's eyes narrowed at the tone and volume of his voice. She stopped at a traffic light, turning her head to look at him "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

"It means you're one to tell me to open up!" Jay exclaimed "I practically have to _force_ you to have any kind of real conversation with me about what you're feeling, it's like pulling teeth with you Erin!"

"I'm trying Jay."

Erin's tone was softer when she spoke, and Jay knew he had over-stepped the mark. The car ride was quiet for the rest of the way neither knowing what to say, their emotions were both too high.

"Erin, I shouldn't have – "

"We're here" She cut him off getting out of the car.

Jay groaned as he opened the door to follow after her.  
 _'You really know how to make things worse. Idiot.'_

LINEBREAK

Jay stood in the interrogation room on the other side of the one-way mirror. He watched as Hank and Antonio brought Ethan in and introduced him to his Youth representative. Burgess and Roman had found him being kicked around by his classmates at school. He was feeling even more frustrated now; Erin wasn't talking to him, the case was going nowhere and Ethan wouldn't talk either. Voight came into the room, motioning to Erin to follow him.

"Sarge" jay spoke up "Let me do this."

"Jay, you don't –"

"I used to be this kid. I get it." His eyes are pleading with his sergeant, with a man who in recent times has become his friend. He has to do this, he needs to.

Voight motions between the two partners "You two."

Erin looks at Jay, nodding as they both head into the interrogation room.

"Ethan, I'm detective Lindsay" Erin said as she stood against the wall in the corner of the room.

"I'm detective Halstead" Jay said choosing to sit across from the kid instead.

Jay took in Ethan's posture, the way his body curled into itself and how his arms clung around him. He was scared.

"I don't understand why I'm here, I'm the one who got beat up."

"I think the kids were just scared, Ethan. Not just about Colin, they're scared about you too" Erin spoke first.

Ethan was silent. "Did you know Colin kept a notebook?" Erin said, moving towards the table and picking up the photocopies of the book "Talked to EJ at practice today, He's the only one who gets it."

"EJ is you, right? You want revenge, you want to kill someone?" Jay's questions came out more like a statement.

Erin's eyes narrowed as she heard Ethan scoff "Something in here that's funny to you?"

"If you knew what it was like, you wouldn't be too happy about it either"

"You're in a school with a bunch of rich kids. And you didn't fit it, just like Colin." Jay could see Ethan's surprise, his eyes focusing in on the man in front of him "The rich kids, they look down on you, bully you. You and Colin decided to take your revenge."

Ethan shook his head "You really don't get it. I wasn't planning on killing bullies."

Jay's eyes met Ethan's, imploring him to help him understand "Then what were you planning? What am I not seeing?"

Ethan's mouth parted, his words on the tip of his tongue, when the door burst open.

"Ethan! I'm here sweetheart" Ethan's mother ran into the room, wrapping her arms around her baby boy.

"All right? Ethan tell me." Jay pushed forward, trying to get through to him.

Ethan's eyes moved between Jay and his mother as she mumbled against his hair "Oh baby look at you"

"All right, Ethan. Hey Ethan, stay with me here" Jay demands, his eyes not breaking from the boy's "What were you and Colin planning?"

"You don't have any idea what you're talking about! All that stuff in Colin's notebook, that was his thing!"

"Who were you targeting Ethan? Who were you trying to hurt?" Jay pressed.

Ethan just shook his head, his eyes averting from Jay's to look at the table.

…

It had been two hours since Ethan was let go. Dawson and Olinsky were relaying the details to the team from their conversation with Kirby Peterson, a senior class president of Webster Country Day, who suspected Ethan of blowing up his motorcycle.

"There's something beneath the surface here. Kids don't just snap because of a prank" Ruzek said.

"We need to bring him back in" Jay replies.

"I don't think we can. He doesn't want to talk to us, something's stopping him from telling us the truth." Erin rebuts.

"let's try and talk to him again. Mouse, try and ping his phone and send Burgess and Roman to bring him in." Mouse nodded at his sergeant's command and got to work "The rest of you, keep digging into Webster Country, Ethan and Colin. We need to find some concrete link to form a theory on"

…

Erin and Jay were the only two in the office. Olinsky had been called down by Platt, and Dawson, Ruzek and Atwater had all gone for a lunch break.

"Hey" Erin said as she sat on the edge of Jay's desk.

"Hey" Jay looked from the file in front of him to his partner.

"You know, you never told me you had a bad high school experience."

Jay shrugged "I got picked on a lot, Will and I weren't exactly the richest kids in school. I didn't think it mattered"

"Jay, you've got to communicate with me. This" Erin's hand moves between the two of them "Only works if we're honest with each other. Those were your words"

"I know" Jay nods, standing up and moving in front of Erin "I'm sorry. And I know you've been trying, I need to try more as well."

Erin's arms moved to wrap around Jay's torso, her head rooting against Jay's chest as his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Promise me you'll tell me about all this. It doesn't have to be now, but one day?"

Erin feels Jay's head nodding as his chin rests atop her head, and she can't help but smile to herself.

"So, does this mean you forgive me for being such a jerk earlier?"

He can feel Erin's chuckle reverberate through him and he smiles "I think I can manage that. But you're on thin ice Halstead."

"Hey lovebirds!" Mouse yells running up the stairs "Burgess and Roman arrested Ethan."

"What? Why?" Jay exclaims pulling out of their embrace.

"He vandalised his teacher's car, I don't think you're going to like this Jay."

…

Jay took a deep breath as he walked out of the interrogation room. He leaned against the wall taking in a deep breath, trying to keep his tears at bay. They had just kicked a paedophile, and let him run back to his family free of any persecution.

"Jay" Voight spoke softly as he patted the young man on the back.

"He's just a kid Voight" Jay shook his head "He doesn't deserve any of this"

"We're going to get him" Jay nods at Hank's words, taking another breath to compose himself before standing up tall and walking into the main area of their office where the rest of their team is.

"Do we have a location on Sanders?" Voight asked as he followed Jay in.

"Last known Location was at his house, that was about fourty-five minutes ago."

"Alright, let's go pay a visit."

LINEBREAK

"You look just like him." Jay eyes the photo in his hands.

Ethan smiles "That's what my mum says sometimes."

"You know I was a soldier too." Jay starts.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I've known some heroes. But what you did, going public, telling the truth about what happened, that might just be the bravest thing I've ever seen."

Ethan sighs, staring at the picture that Jay holds of his father "I miss him."

"I know."

"Did you lose friends?" Ethan asks.

Jay nods slowly "Many, yeah."

"How do you deal with it?"

Jay pauses, remembering the words he told Erin almost three years ago now.

' _As a soldier, how did you deal with it?'_

' _Generally take it out on those who didn't deserve it.'_

"When I get down, I try to remind myself that they made a sacrifice so that I could come home and live my life. I just try to honour that."

"That's a pretty good idea." Ethan smiles

"Your dad would be so happy for you right now."

Ethan looks up to Jay, doubt across his face "You think so?"

Jay's hand comes to rest on the boy's shoulder, a warm smile across his lips "Yeah. Not just because of what you did, but because it's over now."

"Jay, are you staying for dinner?" Ethan's mum calls from the kitchen.

Jay looks to the woman and shakes his head "I've got to go see someone" He looks back to Ethan "If you need anything, you call me. Okay?"

Ethan nods his head, wrapping his arms around Jay in a tight hug.

"Thank you"

LINEBREAK

Jay walks up the stairs slowly, trying to convince himself that this is the right decision.

' _You said you'd try.'_

He takes a deep breath as he reaches the door knocking slowly. The door opens to Erin's surprised face.

"Hey" he smiles.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Erin's face is one of confusion, and Jay can't help but smile at the way her face adorably scrunches up.

"I was hoping we could talk."

Erin's smile is wide and Jay can't help but mirror the expression on his face too.

"You're just in time, Ben and I were about to have dinner." She opens the door wider, motioning him inside.

…

Erin watched quietly from the doorway of the nursery in her apartment. She had decided to do something productive and hopeful with Nadia's old room, and she figured there was nothing more positive than turning it into a room for her baby to grow up in.

Jay was cradling Ben in the crook of his arms, one of Ben's little hands resting on Jay's chest, as the other dangled down against his father. His eyes were drooping as he sucked contently on the dummy in his mouth while Jay rocked him to sleep.

Erin smiled as Jay made eye contact with her, turning to place Ben in his crib. The eleven-month-old squirming contently as his dad lay his blanket over him tucking it into the side of the crib firmly before Jay reached down to place a tender kiss on his forehead. He turned to follow Erin who had already turned to walk back into the living room. When he reached the couch she was already sitting comfortably, holding a beer out for him to take.

"So" Erin started as Jay took a sip of the cool liquid "Are you still up for that talk? It's been a long night I get it if you don't want to"

Jay shook his head "No, it's fine. I promised to try, and I need to live up to that promise."

"It doesn't mean you have to start living up to it right this second."

"You don't want to talk anymore?" Jay asked confused.

"No of course I do" Erin said reaching over to lay her hand atop of his "I just don't want you to feel that you have to do this, I _want_ you to _want_ to talk to me Jay."

"I do. It's just hard sometimes, I've never had to open up to anyone in my life, not since my mum died, and after that I've never really wanted to."

"You know you can talk to me though, about anything."

Jay squeezes her hand in reassurance "I know" He takes a deep breath before continuing "I guess it all just hit me with him."

"Ethan?"

Jay nods "I used to be like him. Will, he always fit in with people a lot better than I did. Growing up I was a lot more socially-awkward than I am now, kids would pick on me and tell me I didn't belong. I used to feel so small, weak."

"That's awful" Erin interjects.

"It's high-school" Jay shrugs "But seeing Ethan and everything he and Cory had gone through at the hands of not only his peers but his teacher, someone he's supposed to trust to protect him. It just brought back a lot of bad memories, and then I started thinking about Ben. What if kids did that to him? What if he was so ashamed of the fact that he was being taken advantage of, that he was being picked on and bullied, that he took his own life because of it? What would I do knowing that I could've done something to save him?"

"Jay –"

"My father was never around. Ethan's father died, Cory's father left. These kids and I…we're so similar. And Ben could be like that. My dad, he would always be down on me for one thing or another. He didn't love me or Will or even my mum, he loved the appearances we gave; one big happy family. Little did all those people know that the renowned cardiothoracic surgeon was actually an emotionally manipulative, abusive father. What if I –"

"Hey" Erin stops him there, sitting up on her knees and wrapping her arms around her partner "You can't blame yourself for something that hasn't even happened. Something that _won't_ happen."

"How do you know that?" he challenges.

"Because _you're_ his father. You won't let him go through what Ethan or Cody or you went through. You won't treat him the way your father treated you, you are nothing like that man. Ben will spend every day of his life knowing that he is loved, and wanted, and special. That he has a family. He won't ever feel the way Cory or Ethan did because we won't let it get to that point."

"Erin, you can't say that for sure. My dad –"

"Your dad is an asshole Jay, but you're not like him. You're the most kind, loving, caring, compassionate father I've ever known and you've only been doing it for eleven months. That love will only grow as Ben grows. And do you honestly think I would ever let you be a bad father to our son?"

He can't help but let out a chuckle at that "No, you'd kick my ass before I could try."

Erin grins "exactly. I promise you, we will get through this together. And if you're ever feeling like this again, you tell me okay?"

Jay nods his head before leaning in to kiss Erin's cheek "Thank you"

"That's what I'm here for. Thank you for talking to me."

"Anytime" Jay smiles leaning in to kiss her cheek once more. They settle back on the couch but now Jay's arms are wrapped around Erin's waist, her head resting against his shoulder as they settle in to watch some TV before he heads home for the night.

Erin smiles to herself as she looks at her and Jay's intertwined hands against her stomach. It was all she had ever wanted since coming back to work after Nadia's death, to be able to enjoy a night with Jay without any distractions or work calling them in.

"Where'd you go?" Jay says, nudging his shoulder which her head lays on.

Erin looks up at him shyly "Just thinking about how nice this is. Being here with you."

Jay leans down once again to kiss her but this time his lips brush her own, lingering for a moment before pulling away far too quickly for either of their liking.

"This is perfect."

 **A/N: Okay, so I hope the ending is alright! This was getting to be 12 pages on a word document (and is now 4563 words long!) so I was trying to not make the ending any longer.**

 **I'm so sorry for the wait on this update! I promise I will try my hardest to get the next chapter up quicker.**

 **I need some opinions though: Would you like to see Jay's dad enter at some point? I was thinking of including him but not 100% sure.**

 **As always, please leave a review and let me know what you thought and your opinion on the addition of Jay's dad!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Please forgive the late update, I've been so busy with my mid-year exams! I'm done for now and I will** _ **try**_ **to update more regularly but I'm still in my HSC year so it will be very busy unfortunately.**

 **Some people asked about the whole 'sex issue' for Linstead, I've tried to answer it in this chapter. And I also realised I screwed up with my timeline and Ben's birth so I'm making it so that he was almost 9 months old when Erin quit.**

Also, I've taken inspiration from an interview of Sophia's for part of this story. There's a lot of dialogue in this but I felt it was necessary for this one.

 **Enjoy!**

 _~November, 2015~_

"Honestly, I never thought I'd get here." Erin smiles as she sat in the circle "90 days ago I was strung out on a cocktail of drugs in a club. I was buried in grief and regret, I deserted my son, my partner, my family."

"And now?" Angie, the group leader, asks.

Erin smiled "Now I'm better. I'm back at work, I'm talking through my issues with Dr Charles. Jay and I are back on track and I get to be a mother to Ben again. Dare I say, it's perfect."

Angie smiled as she stood up from her chair and placed the little silver chip in Erin's palm.

"Congratulations Erin, 90 days of sobriety is a big achievement."

"I couldn't have done it without all of you guys." Erin said looking around her NA group "So thank you, for your support." Everyone smiled and clapped as Erin looked down at her chip.

90 days.

…

"Your story is pretty inspiring." Taylor said as she and Erin were grabbing a coffee after the meeting.

"Thanks. It's not impossible you know; you can do it." Erin told her.

"Some days it doesn't feel like it."

Erin placed her hand on the young woman's shoulder "You're only in the first three weeks, just give it some time okay? Trust me."

Taylor nodded her head, giving Erin a quick hug before walking over to her mother waiting at the entrance to the hall.

"Well, that was a lovely speech you gave." Erin froze as she heard the voice, turning around to come face to face with her mother.

Her voice is full of shock "What are you doing here?"

Bunny shrugs "90 days of sobriety. Didn't think you had it in you."

Erin smiled tightly "I should have known not to jinx myself telling people my life was perfect, seems fitting you'd come back. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to work."

Bunny followed Erin as she exited the hall and headed towards her car "You don't _really_ think this is going to last, do you Erin? You can't keep playing pretend sweetheart. You're not this person, a mother? Don't you think your son deserves better?"

"No! Don't you _dare_ try and use Ben against me! You know _nothing_ about what my son needs! What would you even know about being a mother!?" Erin turned around to face Bunny.

Bunny scoffs "Oh here we go again with the Erin Lindsay dramatics. I did the best –"

"The best you could. Yeah, I've heard that once or twice before." Erin muttered sarcastically "You did _nothing._ I'm the one who had to look after myself, I was the one who looked after Teddy. I kept the water running and food on the table. You were never there! So don't, for even one second, think that you did _anything_ to be classified as any kind of parent."

"I am your mother Erin, whether you like it or not."

"We may share the same DNA, but you will _never_ be my mother. Camille Voight was my mother, _she_ raised me. She cared for me, and loved me. She did all the things you never did."

Erin sighed, feeling drained from the short conversation.

"This is the last time I tell you this Bunny, stay away from me and my family." And with that Erin got into her car and drove to work, ignoring her mother's face in her rear view mirror.

* * *

"He's growing really fast." Hank smiled as he watched the video of ben crawling.

"You're telling me, pretty soon he's going to walk and talk." Jay chuckled.

"And how about you?"

"What about me?"

"How have you been? I know Ethan's case was especially hard for you, I just want to make sure your head's in the game." Voight said.

Jay nodded "Yeah, I'm okay. Erin and I talked it out, she suggested I talk to Dr Charles as well."

"You think that will help?"

"I think so. I'm joining some of her sessions anyways, this way our private sessions and our groups sessions are all together."

Voight nodded, handing the phone back to Jay, eyeing the screensaver of Jay with Erin.

"So, how _are_ things going with you and Erin?"

Jay shrugged "We've been alright. I haven't really seen her since I dropped Ben off last night."

"You're welcome to come for dinner tonight, to celebrate Erin getting her chip. You guys can talk then." Hank suggested.

"Her chip?"

Hank froze, his coffee halfway up to meet his lips. Jay raised an eyebrow at the older man.

"Voight." Jay spoke sternly now.

Hank sighed "she's getting her chip for 90 days of sobriety today."

Jay frowned "Why wouldn't she tell me that?"

"Maybe that's a conversation you should be having with her." Hank shrugs.

* * *

Voight had sent Jay and Erin out to grab a suspect in a triple homicide case but Erin's head hadn't been with it since she arrived. Jay knew something had thrown her off, but he just couldn't figure out what. He wanted to ask her, but after finding out she hadn't told him about receiving her chip he felt hurt. He thought she would tell him when she got back to work, but she just forced a smiled and acted like everything was normal.

"Hey." Jay says as they turned the corner "The team's heading to Molly's later to meet Will and the other doctors, pour one out for the patient they lost. Hank said he'd take Ben for the night so you can come with us?"

The words cause Erin to zone out, remembering her conversation with Dr Charles.

" _So why Bunny? You could've gone to someone else, you knew enough people on the bad side of town to get what you wanted. Why turn to your mother?"_

 _Erin sighs as her fingers nervously twist around each other "When Halstead asked me if I was coming with him and the team to have a drink in Nadia's honour, things just felt different."_

" _Different how?"_

" _It just didn't feel like they understood, it was like I was on the outside of the universe. And as sad as everyone else was about her death, Nadia was_ _ **my**_ _best friend, I tried to be for her what Hank was for me, she was like the little sister I had. It just felt like no one could truly understand just how much I was grieving, because they didn't lose her in the same way as I did."_

" _And you felt Bunny understood that feeling?" Dr Charles asked._

 _Erin shook her head "I felt selfish for thinking that, I was drowning in this pity of self-loathing and I didn't know where to go. Molly's had too many happy memories to be able to mourn, my apartment had all of Nadia's things in it. Going to see Bunny was the easy way out. I didn't have to pretend I was handling Nadia's death, I didn't have to force a smile and just_ _ **"pour one out for Nadia"**_ _and move on. I could grieve and be upset and no one would try to make me feel better, I knew Bunny wouldn't care enough to actually try and understand."_

" _So you went to your mother because you knew she wouldn't care?"_

" _Yeah. I guess that's probably selfish and fucked-up right?" Erin chuckled sarcastically._

" _Not at all." Dr Charles interjects "It means you didn't want to hurt the people that meant something to you, you didn't want to burden them with your grief. It's not selfish, it's actually quite the opposite."_

"Erin?" Jay breaks her from her thoughts "You alright?"

Erin shakes her head "Yeah, sorry. Molly's sounds good."

Jay's eyes narrow as he turns in his seat to look at her "You'd tell me if something was going on, right?"

Erin frowns and quickly glances at him as she pulls up to their location "Of course."

Jay sighs, watching Erin unbuckle herself and get out of the car, waiting for him to do the same.

* * *

The team managed to close their case within a few hours, luckily for them the perp was an idiot and left his fingerprints on the weapon and also hid it under his bed. They decided to take one car to pick up Ben from the nanny's house to drop him off at Hank's.

Their car ride was silent, the quiet chatter of the radio the only source of sound. Erin felt guilty about lying to Jay, and Jay felt frustrated that Erin wouldn't talk to him. This was always their issue, lack of communication. And he wasn't sure how to fix it.

They both got out of the car, Jay taking Ben in his arms. Just as they reached the door Erin grabbed Jay's hand, preventing him from knocking.

"I lied to you." She blurted out.

Erin could see the disappointment in his eyes, hear it in his voice "I know."

"How…"

"Hank mentioned it when we were talking earlier. I'm not mad, I just don't get why you didn't tell me?" Jay provided.

Erin shrugged "I just didn't want to make a big fuss out of it all. It's not a big deal."

"But it is." Jay urged "90 days is a big deal Erin; you should be proud of yourself! I know I am."

Erin smiled "Thank you."

Jay smiles too, squeezing Erin's hand firmly.

"Not that I'm not happy you told me, but what made you change your mind?" He asks.

"We promised to talk to each other. I want to try and live up to that promise."

Jay kisses her cheek "Let's go inside."

Erin nods her head and reaches out to knock on the door, and within a minute the door swings open to reveal Justin Voight.

"Hey Er." Justin smiles.

"What are you doing here!?" Erin exclaims, hugging him tightly.

"I had some free time, dad invited us for your celebratory dinner."

"My what?" She asked looking at her partner.

Jay smiled sheepishly "Surprise."

* * *

"So, how have you been?" Justin asks.

Dinner had been wonderful. It was the first time since Ben had been born that their whole family was together, sharing memories and conversation. Justin and Erin had taken the kids for a walk around the block after dinner to calm them down before they put them to bed.

"I've been good, really."

"I'm glad. And it seems like everything is going well with you and Halstead too." he smirks with a mischievous wiggle of his eyebrows.

Erin rolls her eyes "Get your mind out of the gutter, it's not like that."

"My mind wasn't in the gutter, but clearly yours is." He smirks as Erin shoves him slightly, careful not to jostle the sleeping one-year-old in his arms "Don't you guys have a rule about that? I thought NA's have to wait like a year or something."

"It's advised, yes." Erin muttered "Can we not talk about this? You're like my baby brother, it's weird."

"It's just a question Erin. Besides, we both have kids. It's safe to say you know about sex." He chuckles.

"Justin." Erin groaned "Jay and I are taking thing slow. I'm not going to risk stuffing this up again, okay?"

"Good. He's being respectful then." Justin smirked "I was worried I'd have to give him a talking to."

"No, Jay is a good person." Erin replied.

"I know. You picked a good one sis." Justin smiled wrapping his arm around Erin shoulder in a one-armed hug.

* * *

"Tonight was nice." Erin whispered as she put Ben down in his crib next to the bed.

They had left Hank's shortly after she and Justin had returned from their walk, both Ben and Daniel wiped out from hanging out together all night. Jay had taken them back to his place so that Erin could be there to put Ben to sleep before going home.

"Yeah." He whispered back "I'm wiped out though."

"Well it's almost midnight, I'm not surprised." Erin smiled "Thank you for tonight Jay."

Jay shrugs as he walks into his bedroom, Erin standing in the doorway "It was all Hank's doing, I just suggested the dinner."

"Well, it still means a lot." Erin says.

Jay flops down on his bed tiredly, letting out a long yawn. Erin chuckles "You should sleep, I'll head out."

"Stay." Jay mumbles into the mattress.

Erin freezes "What?"

"Stay." He says again patting the empty spot on the bed next to him.

"Jay…"

He opens his eyes again to look at her "It's late Erin, we're both tired, you're in no condition to drive. I promise, no funny business."

Erin chuckles, silently before walking over to the bed and kicking off her shoes. She cautiously lifts the blanket and slides in, careful not to disturb Jay or Ben as she does so.

She lays flat on her back her arms laying stiff by her side as she stares at the ceiling, unsure of what to do. She figures Jay senses her unease, because he rolls over and wraps one arm around Erin's waist, forcing her to roll onto her side to face him.

She smiles, her hand coming to lay on his chest as she kisses his cheek "Goodnight Jay."

He places a gentle kiss in her hair and mumbles "Goodnight Er."

 **A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! I was kind of lost on where to go, but Jesse's Birthday post got me motivated again. Someone asked about Jay and Erin waking up in bed together so I figured this was a way to do it while still keeping everything PG haha  
** **Bunny will be making an appearance again but not for a while.**

 **This is the interview I used for Erin and Dr Charles session:** **live-feed/chicago-pd-season-finale-lindsay-797305**

 **Please review! Next chapter will be Ben's first birthday. And, a surprise guest ...**

 **Maddie :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry this took so long, school is killing me and unfortunately I can't promise anymore updates soon :( Hope you like what I did with this chapter, there's a few flashbacks, and I'm not really sure how well I've integrated them but hopefully it works! And one of the flashbacks and also present borrow from another show. Let me know if you figure out which two they are haha**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~ Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind ~**

 _November 10_ _th_ _, 2015_

Erin felt the sun streaming down on her through the peep in the curtain. She could feel it's heat radiating over her as she tried to move away from it's warmth and further into the comfort of her bed.

Only it wasn't her bed. And it wasn't the sun that was making her warm. Erin rolled onto her side and opened her eyes slowly, taking in the sight of Jay Halsted laying next to her. She smiled to herself as she noticed his arm wrapped protectively around her waist, pulling her to snuggle against his chest.

She never thought they'd be here again. Three months ago she thought she had screwed everything up. And now here they were, together on such a special day. The day commemorating the birth of their son.

"What are you thinking about?" Erin's eyes shot up to meet Jays.

She smiled softly "Our baby's a year old."

Jay's smile matched hers "I know. Pretty soon he's going to be walking and talking. It's crazy to think he's only been with us for a year, and he's completely changed our lives."

Erin nodded her head in agreement as Jay asked "Do you remember the day he was born?"

Jay chuckled at her loud groan "Please, I don't think I'll ever forget 16 hours of labour."

...

" _I hate you Jay Halstead!" Erin yelled as she tried to breathe through another contraction._

" _I'm sorry, tell me how I can make it better for you." Jay murmured pleadingly._

" _Can you go back in time nine months and keep it in your pants!?" She snarked back._

 _Jay just chuckled "It'll be worth it Erin, our little guy will be here soon."_

 _Erin's breathing slowed and she released her vice grip on Jay's hand as her contraction faded._

" _It's been six hours Jay, I don't know how much more of this I can take." She cried into his shoulder._

" _Hey." Jay frowned, placing his fingers under Erin's chin to lift her eyes to his "You're the strongest person I know Erin Lindsay. If anyone can do this, it's you."_

" _Promise you'll be here, Jay. Promise me."_

 _Jay nodded vehemently "Of course Er, I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her head softly._

 _..._

"I kept my promise." Jay smirked

Erin laughed "That you did, even though it cost you a finger."

"I still can't believe you broke my finger! I mean, I know you're strong but …"

"Consider it a reminder to never underestimate me Halstead."

"I wouldn't dream of it Lindsay." Jay kissed her cheek "I think little man's awake. You want to do the honours?"

Erin grinned nodding her head as she quickly got out of bed. She moved quickly and quietly through the bedroom, pulling on a pair of tights under Jay's shirt and tying up her hair in it's usual messy ponytail as she made her way into Ben's room.

Ben's head popped up slightly as his sleepy eyes took in his mother's figure entering the room. Erin smiled as Ben's head lulled back onto the mattress of the crib, his head laying comfortably on his little arms as he lay on his stomach.

"Hi birthday boy!" Erin softly exclaimed, picking up her son and holding him tightly to her.

Ben whined and snuggled up against his mum, rooting his head against her chest releasing a content sigh.

"Are you humouring your sad mama?" Erin murmured "You're growing up baby boy, I don't like it."

"We knew it would happen eventually." Jay says from the doorway.

Erin turns to face him, a pout gracing her face "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

Jay chuckles and comes to wrap his arms around Erin and their son "Happy birthday little man." He says planting a gentle kiss on the top of Ben's head "I hope you got your rest, because we have a big day ahead of us."

Erin groaned "I still don't fully understand how Kim managed to convince me to have such a big birthday party. This is going to be a nightmare."

"Well, look at this way. Ben will have the time of his life." Jay countered.

Erin huffed "I hate it when you're right."

* * *

Kim smiled proudly as she walked around the backyard of Hank Voight's house. The whole place was done up in Thomas the Tank Engine themed, in honour of Ben's favourite kids show - Jay had showed it to him since it had been a favourite of his growing up and Ben was obsessed.

Kim's smile grew as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her and a gentle kiss placed on her temple.  
"You did a great job darlin" Adam mumbled against her skin.

"Thank you, I'm just glad Ben and all the other kids like it." Kim replied looking at Ben and all the other little toddlers from his daycare.

Everyone had come to celebrate Ben's birthday; kids and parents from his daycare, some of Jay and Mouse's army buddies, Will and some of the doctors and coworkers from Med and a few of their friends from the Fire department, even Erin's brother Teddy had managed to make it down for a few hours before he started work. Hank's house had never been so full.

"You two ready for this?" Erin said as she walked up to them.

Kim nodded before making eye contact with Platt, signalling to her Sergeant that they were ready.

"Alright listen up folks!" Platt yelled over the group "There are a couple people who want to say something for the birthday boy. Not that he's gonna understand a word they're saying but, whatever I guess."

Jay rolled his eyes at the woman's words. No matter how sarcastic she acted, Jay knew deep down she cared about Ben and this unit more than she'd care to admit.

"Thanks for those kind words, Trudy." Hank says as he stands up "Now I won't keep you long, I'm not the most eloquent speaker anyways. I wasn't the most...receptive about Halstead telling me he knocked up the woman I consider my daughter."

 _"What the hell do you mean you're pregnant!?" Hank growled._

 _"Sir, we didn't-" Jay didn't get the words out of his mouth before he felt his Sergeant's fist against his eye._

 _"Hank!" Erin exclaimed rushing to a hunched-over Jay._

 _"I told you she was off-limits!" Erin moved now to hold Hank back from attacking her partner any further "Not only are you disobeying my rules and dating Erin, you knocked her up!"_

 _"We're not dating Voight!" Jay yells out._

 _Hank stops pushing against Erin "What does that even mean!?"_

 _"If you had let us explain in the first place, you would've heard how this was all a drunken occurrence. We are not dating Hank, but jay **is** going to be there for our child. Like it or not, we're in this together, for life."_

...

Everyone lets out a laugh "but, truth be told, I'd rather it was Halstead than some other idiot. I knew from day one, he would do right by Erin and Ben. And he has, at every point he's made sure his family were looked after and protected. And I couldn't think of two better parents to raise my grandson. So, I guess that's it. Happy birthday Ben."

Jay stood up and walked towards Hank, shaking the older man's hand as a thank you for his words. Jay smiled as he watched Erin hug hank as well, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"Thank you." She whispers against his shoulder.

"I'm proud of you kid, I meant every word I said."

"Okay, my turn!" Erin chuckled as she pulls away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

She quickly walks to the front of the tables Kim has set up for everyone to be seated at, smiling as she passes all the guests.

"So, like Hank said, Jay and I are really glad you all could come. Uh, I'm kind of nervous of what I'm about to say but here goes...About one year, seven months and two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. And it's been a whirlwind ever since. I remember the day I told Jay he was going to be a father." she smiles reminiscently.

...

 _"Hey." Jay smiled as he opened the door to his apartment._

 _"Can I come in?" before Jay can answer Erin's already rushing through the doorway, pacing his living room floor instantly._

 _Jay frowns "Everything okay?"_

 _"Uh, not really."_

 _Jay walks towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders_ _. "Er, what's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing really. Well ... it depends on how you look at it."_

 _"You're not making any sense."_

 _Erin continued to pace, knocking Jay's hands off her. "Well, you and I, six weeks ago. We - I mean, that night -"_

 _"Oh." Jay said in realisation "Look Erin, I can't say I haven't thought about that night. And, as amazing as it was, Hank's rules were pretty clear. We can't."_

 _"What? No." Erin shook her head "I'm pregnant Jay."_

 _Silence._

 _Erin watched as Jay stumbled backwards, shocked, before sitting on the couch with his head in his hands._

 _"I don't understand." He mumbled minutes later._

 _"Well, when a man and a woman get really drunk together ..." Erin replied sarcastically._

 _"I know that part Erin." Jay rolls his eyes "We used protection."_

 _"Yeah but it only works like ... 97% of the time."_

 _"What!? Well they should put that on the box!" Jay exclaims._

 _Erin looks at him confused "Is that really what's important right now?"_

 _Jay shakes his head "Sorry, I just- of all the things I was expecting you to say, that definitely wasn't at the top of the list." he takes another deep breath "What do you want to do?"_

 _Erin sighs, sitting down on the couch next to him "I don't know...I'm really scared Jay."_

 _"Hey, there's nothing to be scared of." Jay assures, wrapping his arms around her "I promise, no matter what you decide, we're in this together."_

 _Erin's head tucks under Jay's chin as he pulls her in tighter "You promise?"_

 _"Of course. We're partners Erin, always."_

...

"And he's been true to his word. He's been my partner everyday since then, in both our professional and personal lives. He's a wonderful father to Ben, and we've had the most amazing people supporting us during our journey as parents." Erin smiled and locked eyes with Jay "But that's not with this speech is about, it's about Ben. And the people in his life that have protected him since day one. Now, Mouse is Ben's godfather, but Jay and I never picked a godmother. Nadia and I weren't that close yet, and we didn't really have anyone else at the time to pick so we left the role empty. Until now."

Jay and Erin both watch amused at their friend's confused face "Over the past year I've made a wonderful friend, someone who's supported me as I learnt how to be a mum, and who helped me when I came back to the unit. She's been a wonderful 'aunt' to me son and Jay and I would really love it if she would accept the role of being Ben's godmother. What do you say Kim?"

Kim's eyes widen, turning to face her fiancee as if he'll be able to explain it to her. She can hear Erin calling her up to the front, Jay having joined her with their son.

"Go on darlin'." Adam whispers, giving her a gentle push. Kim slowly walks up to the front of the tables, trying not to fall over her own feet. She's still shocked as to what just happened.

"I don't understand." She stutters.

Erin gives her a cheeky smile. "We want to make you Ben's godmother."

"But, I thought Nadia was-"

"Nadia would want this." Jay interrupts "She would want you to be protecting Ben."

"So, what do you say?" Erin asks again.

"I- Yes! Hell yes! And I promise, I will _so_ kick ass in this!" Kim exclaims hugging both Jay and Erin.

"I know you will. Just, maybe don't say 'kick ass' too much in front of him?" Erin jokes.

Kim nods seriously "Right" she says before both woman burst into laughter

* * *

"Today was a good day." Erin said as she and Jay were snuggled up on the couch, Ben resting in between them.

It was now late in the evening and everyone had left a few hours ago, wanting to give the two parents some time to celebrate with their son on their own. They had opened the rest of Ben's birthday presents with him, playing with his new favourite gift from his grandpa hank - a Thomas and Friends interactive book and play mobile.

"It was, I'm really glad we agreed to let Kim organise a party."

"Well, Ben's only going to turn one once. It's only fair we give our family and friends the opportunity to celebrate that." Erin agreed.

Jay smiled and nodded his head looking down at the little boy laying between them "I think it's someone's bedtime."

Erin let out a soft chuckle as she saw Ben snuggled in between his parents, eyes closed and sucking gently on his thumb. Jay scooped Ben up in his arms and held him to his chest. They both began walking to the nursery when there was a knock at the door causing Ben to stir.

"You put him down, I got it." Erin whispered. Jay nodded and heading into the room while Erin went to answer the door as the person knocked again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." She mumbled.

Erin opened the door to an unknown face. She frowned, taking in the older man. He was wearing a classy suit, the blue tie matching that of his eyes. She took in the wrinkles around his eyes, the silver-grey of his hair. He couldn't be any older than Hank.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Jason Halstead."

"Jason?" Erin sighed "Look, can this wait? I'm trying to put my kid to sleep."

"Well lucky for you, I'm not looking for you young lady. Now, is Jason here or not?" The man snapped back.

"Excuse me!?" Erin's posture straightened as she stood in the doorway, growing defensive at the man's rude tone. "Look, I don't know who the hell you are, but-"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Erin's head snapped around to see Jay standing a few feet behind her, his whole body rigid.

"I wanted to wish my grandson a happy birthday." Erin's eyes widened as Jay walked up to the door.

"Get the fuck out."

"Now Jason, I thought I taught you better manners than that. Is that any way to talk to your father?"

 **A/N: Well, I hope I did the end justice! I've been going over this ending bit for a few days trying to get it write but the more I edited the worse it seemed to get so I hope this met expectations!**

 **As always, please leave me a review and let me know what you thought, and if you could spot the two shows I referenced ;P**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry it's been such a long wait! HSC is KILLING ME! I've still got a few exams to go but I'm writing this on one of my few free days in which motivation to study is extremely low. The chapter is a bit roughly done and there's heaps of dialogue, but hopefully the wait was worth it ... !**

 **Shoutout to my friend, guest reader "douche" last chapter. Promise I won't make this a porno dude ;)**

 **Thanks for all your lovely reviews; and those who guessed did guess right! I drew inspiration from Ross and Rachel in "Friends" when Rachel tells Ross she's pregnant, and from "One Tree Hill" where Haley asks Brooke to be Jamie's godmother.**

 **And for those who wanted Teddy to be the surprise guest sorry to disappoint, he was there at the party but I have a bigger purpose for him later on in this story ...**

 **Enjoy!**

Jay woke up the next morning reaching his arm out to his left, only to feel cold sheets beside him. Frowning he turned and opened his eyes and realised Erin wasn't beside him. He sighed and slowly got out of bed, the regret of the night before hitting him like a tonne of bricks. Jay slowly walked into the kitchen where he spotted Erin making breakfast.

He walked up quietly until he was standing right behind her and wrapped his arms around her, letting out a small chuckle as she jumped slightly before relaxing into his arms.

"Morning." he whispered against the crook of her neck.

"Hi." Erin spoke softly and Jay could hear the tinge of sadness in her voice.

"Erin, about last night ..." Jay started but stopped quickly, not sure of what to say.

Erin shook her head moving out of his hold to "Don't worry about it."

A breath of frustration left Jay and he quickly reached out to grab her wrist and pull her towards him "It wasn't- I shouldn't have spoken to you in that tone, you were only trying to help and I'm sorry I got so defensive."

Erin nodded silently finally making eye contact with him "Look I get why you were upset, honestly I'm not angry. But, can I suggest one thing?"

Jay nodded waiting for her to continue "After you go see Will, maybe consider dropping by Dr Charles? I know you said you'd come to some of my sessions, but I think maybe talking on your own too will help."

"... Can I think about it?" Jay smiles sheepishly

Erin leans up and kisses his cheek "Of course."

Jay pulls Erin into a hug, holding her close as her head lays on his chest.

"You're my family, you know that right? You, me, Ben. That's all I really need." He says after a few minutes.

Erin smiles and mumbles against his chest "You're my family too."

* * *

Jay sat nervously in the break room of Chicago Med. Will was supposed to meet him over 30 minutes ago, and he normally would've left by now but he needed to talk to Will before his father did.

Jay could feel his anger growing at the mention of his father. Aaron Halstead dropping into town unexpectedly was never a good sign, and Jay knew that there was an ulterior motive other than wanting to 'wish his grandson'. He hadn't seen his dad since the day he left for the Army, and he had hoped to never see him again as long as he lived. It had thrown Jay for a loop last night when he had shown up on his doorstep, and even thought Erin understood Jay still couldn't get over the way that he spoke to her.

 _..._

 _Jay slammed the door in his father's face, staring at it for a few minutes before Erin walked up to him placing her hand on his shoulder._

 _"You Okay?" She asked softly._

 _"Yeah." Jay nodded quickly walking to the kitchen and starting to clean the dishes from dinner._

 _"Jay.." Erin started but he cut her off._

 _"It's fine Erin. Really."_

 _Erin can hear Ben whining from his room and goes in to check on him, making sure he's settled before coming back out. She leans against the wall watching Jay scrub the dishes furiously._

 _"Are we really not going to talk?" Erin asks again._

 _"What is there to talk about Er, my Dad's here. I'm not going to talk to him." Jay shrugged, not turning to face her._

 _"I don't know **Jason** , You tell me." Erin could feel herself getting frustrated with him, but she wasn't backing down from this conversation._

 _"I changed my name when I joined the Army. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Jay bit back, ditching the dish he was watching to turn and face her._

 _"I want to know how you're feeling Jay! **Your dad** just showed up, after years of not speaking to each other, and you don't have anything to say about that!?" She exclaims._

 _"It's none of your business Erin! He's my family and I will deal with it how I choose!" Jay yelled back._

 _"...Fine." Erin says, her voice conveying her hurt at his words "I'm going to bed. You deal with **your family,** however you want."_

 _Jay sighed watching Erin walked away, knowing he fucked up. "Shit." He mumbled hearing the bedroom door shut forcefully, Erin trying to control her anger so as not to wake Ben._

 _..._

He knew that, compared to previous fights, what he'd say wasn't that rude, but she was only trying to help him and he completely shut her down. He went into defensive mode and had been rude and he knew it was the wrong thing to do. He just hoped he could find a way to make it up to her, because as far as he was concerned things weren't okay. He didn't want her to think that he didn't consider her his family. Truthfully, she was the _only_ person he's ever truly considered family. His unit was his family, but Erin was more than that. He knew, no matter what happened in life, they would always be together. They would always be family.

"Jay." Will said as he came in the door "Sorry man, the E.D. got slammed. Some idiot drunk-driver slammed into a bus, there were so many people getting checked out I couldn't get away before -"

"Will relax, it's alright." Jay chuckles "I can come back if you're busy."

"Nah it's okay, they've got it all under control now." Will smiles sitting across from his younger brother "What's going on?"

"Dad's back in town. He came over last night after the party demanding to wish his grandson happy birthday, although I don't know how he found out, and then said he wanted to talk. But I didn't let him."

Jay can see Will hesitate for a moment "I've, kind of, been talking to him."

"What?" Jay bites out "You told me you two stopped talking after you moved back to Chicago!"

"We had!" Will explains, trying to salvage the conversation with his brother "We only started talking a few months ago. He called me last week wanting to make plans and I said no, and when he asked why I kind of let it slip that it was Ben's birthday."

"Dammit Will!" Jay springs up from the couch and begins to pace around the break room "How could you talk to him!? Do you not remember the hell he put us through. The hell he put Mum through!?"

"Jay, he's changed. You don't know the whole story okay?"

"I don't need to know the whole story Will. He's an asshole, and he was a shit father. And I don't want him anywhere around me, Erin, or my son."

Will raises his hands up in surrender "That's your decision Jay, but I've gotten to know him again. He's changed, and if you don't want to know him that's fine, but you can't stop me from getting to know him now."

Jay releases a frustrated breath, closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself. he sits back down again and looks at Will "I know. I'm sorry, I can't be mad at you for wanting to get to know him. I'm not going to stop you, but I _can't_ do this again Will. He's hurt me too much already, and I have Ben to think of now. I'm not willing to put my family in a position to get hurt."

Will nods "I get that Jay. But just consider hearing him out? We can all go to dinner, or we can just meet for coffee. Erin and Ben can stay away from him okay? It'll just be us."

"I'll think about it okay?" Will can hear the tension building in his voice again.

"That's all I'm asking." Will smiles "Look, I got to go check in on a patient, we'll talk more later?"

Jay nods "I got to get back to work anyways. I'll see you later."

Will moves to give him a quick hug, he knows Jay is trying to hide the anger and hurt at the knowledge that he has been talking to their Dad.

"We're good right?" Will asks nervously.

Jay pats his shoulder gently "Yeah, we're good." He says as he walks out the door.

* * *

"I'm surprised to see you here. Erin mentioned that she suggested for you to come see me, but I didn't expect it to be so soon." Dr Charles says as he sits across from Jay in his office.

"Yeah, I was visiting Will and all of a sudden I was up here." Jay lets out an awkward laugh, taking in the surroundings of the white-wall office.

Dr Charles smiles "I know this might be a bit uncomfortable for you Jay, there's no pressure to talk. If you want, I can talk, or ask questions. Or you can tell me why you're here."

"Maybe...Maybe a bit of both? I talk and you ask questions?" Jay replies nervously.

"You're nervous?" Dr Charles asks, Jay nods "How comes?"

"The last time I was in a therapist's office was for a psych evaluation after Mouse and I were let go from the Rangers."

"And that was a bad experience for you?"

Jay shrugs "The session itself was fine, it just brings up a lot of bad memories for me, with everything that had happened at the time."

"That's understandable. So, how about we just focus on why you're here today?" Dr Charles offers.

There's a long pause as Jay thinks his words through "My dad's back in town. We haven't seen each other in over 10 years, not since I left for the Rangers."

"Have you had any kind of contact with your father since?"

Jay scoffs "I called him once when my mum was dying. They were still legally married at the time, but my mother was diagnosed just before they started their divorce proceedings, so everything got put on hold so she could start treatment."

"Your mother had cancer, If I'm not mistaken?"

Jay nods "She had breast cancer when I was 10, and she was in remission for 8 years. Just after I graduated high school she fell out of remission. She didn't tell me at first, she knew by then that I had signed up for the Rangers and she didn't want me to put my life on hold to take care of her."

"So, how does your dad tie in here?" Dr Charles asks.

"He wasn't there for her. I mean, I get that they were divorcing by then, but she was still his wife. He's one of the best doctors in Chicago, he could've tried to at least pull some strings, get her into a good facility. She was barely affording the local hospital fees. He should've helped her out."

"Do you resent him? For leaving your mother without help."

"I guess I never really thought about it. I was angry at the time. I guess, now it's more about the fact that he was _never_ there. Not for me anyways."

Dr Charles frowns at his statement "What do you mean by that?"

"My Dad always favoured Will more than me. I mean sure he was rude and verbal to both of us kids, and my mum. But Will was always planning to be a doctor, it's what out family tradition was, but Will had always had a passion for medicine. Especially when our mother was first diagnosed, I remember him telling her he was going to find the cure for cancer, and that he would make her better, and he was only 12 at the time."

Jay takes a few breaths, trying to regain his composure. Talking about his mother always made him emotional "I think my Dad always hated the fact that I was different. I was always playing cops and robbers with the kids on my street, I took criminology pre-courses in high school, I took Legal courses. I would always read the case studies on different criminals and different offences and how the police would handle the situation. I was always going to be a cop. That was always the plan for me. And I don't think my Dad ever truly forgave me for abandoning the Halstead tradition."

"So, how do you feel about him being back then?" Dr Charles adds.

"... Scared."

"Oh him?"

Jay shakes his head "I'm scared of what him being here means for me, for my family. He's never cared about what I wanted, or how his decisions affect my life. I have Erin and Ben to think about now. Whatever he wants from me affects them too."

"It's understandable that you're feeling that way." Dr Charles agrees "What happened when you saw him?"

"I kicked him out. I didn't want him around Ben or Erin."

"So you don't know what he wants? Don't you think you should maybe hear him out, maybe if you do it'll get him out of Chicago quicker."

"Maybe." Jay mumbles "I just worry that letting him in means he won't leave my life again. I don't want to give him the opportunity to get his hooks back into me. Will may want to have him in his life but I don't."

Dr Charles puts down his notepad, taking off his glasses and placing it all on the table next to him before leaning forward in his chair "Jay ... May I offer you some advice?"

Jay stays quiet, allowing the doctor to continue "I think, if you don't want to have your father in your life, that's your choice. But you should talk this over with Will and Erin. Like you said, they're your family. And no matter what you decide this still affects them. Whether or not you choose to hear what your father has to say, you still control his influence over you. You can meet him once and be done with him after that, or you can choose to not hear him out and not allow the possibility to let him into your life. No matter what, _you_ decide whether your father can get come back into your life after that first meeting."

Jay nods his head in agreement and Dr Charles speaks once more "I have another patient in two minutes, so if you don't mind I'd like to set you a task. Whether or not you come to see me after is fine, but talk to Will and Erin okay? Discuss everything, and make a decision that you're 100% sure you're comfortable with. Okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." Jay says standing up and walking with Dr Charles to the door "Thank you Dr Charles."

"Please, call me Daniel." Dr Charles smiles and watches as Jay walks out the door and heads towards the exit of the hospital.

* * *

Jay walks out of the entrance to Chicago Med and gets in his car. He takes a few deep breaths, Voight isn't expecting him back today since the team went home during his meeting with Dr Charles. He picks up the phone and presses the number 1 on his speed dial.

"Hey babe." Jay smiles hearing Erin's voice "Are you on your way here? I think Ben's missing his dad."

"Yeah, but I was wondering if we could drop Ben off with Voight for an hour or two tonight? I was hoping we could have dinner with Will."

"Yeah, I'll call him now. I'll see you when you get here." Erin smiles even though she knows Jay can't see her. She doesn't care that he son is looking at her like she's a crazy person, Jay's opening up to her, and that's what matters most.

 **A/N: Okay, so this is not my proudest chapter but I covered a lot of the dialogue and stuff from Jay's past that I needed to get out of the way. Next chapter will have more Ben, Jay and Will with their Dad and Jay with Erin. And Teddy will be making an appearance in a few chapters time!**

 **I'm going to try and implement a three-week-update scheme so I can update both my CPD stories as well as my OTH story.**

 **Please review - they make my day! - and give me some ideas for what you guys would like to see in the upcoming chapters and what you'd like to see happen with Jay's Dad. I have a plan but I'd also like to know what you guys as readers would like to see.**

 **Hope you all are having a good weekend!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: So, I had finished this chapter last week. And, not to sound full of myself, but it was quite literally the most perfect piece of writing I've ever done. I was so proud of myself and so excited and then what happens? THE STUPID THING DIDN'T SAVE! So it took me time to try and re-write this chapter because everything I wrote just seemed like crap compared to my original version!**

 **BUT I'm here now and only JUST over my 3 week update schedule. This is also my longest chapter so far (over 4000 words!) so hopefully that makes up for my tardiness ... ?**

 **NOTE: I can't remember if I already gave Jay's Dad a name in a previous chapter but I'm naming him Aaron. I've also made some minor alterations to chapter 10 to better suit the storyline of Aaron Halstead :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 _December 2015_

"I'm sorry Will, we wanted to talk to you alone but Hank couldn't take Ben for the night." Erin says.

"So, what's all this for?" Will asks sitting down next to Jay "Not that I don't appreciate a home-cooked meal Erin. Believe me, it's been a _long_ time since I ate anything other than ramen noodles."

Erin laughed taking out a tray from the oven "I don't know if Mac and Cheese is much better."

" _Anything_ is better than ramen noodles."

"Dude, you got to learn how to cook." Jay chuckled sipping his beer.

Will glared at him teasingly "It's not my fault mum only taught you."

"That's because I was the best child." Jay mocked pretending to flick his hair with his hand.

"God you were always the dramatic one weren't you." Will laughs.

"Okay!" Erin interrupts "Dinner's ready." She puts the tray down in the centre of the table while Jay picks up Ben from his playpen and seats him in the high chair.

Will watches the two of them work together; Erin serving them all dinner while Jay settles Ben into his chair, passing Erin plate after plate as he does. They're a well-oiled machine, both knowing what the other needs and practically reading each other's minds most of the time. Soon they're settled in and eating dinner, Ben occasionally flinging his food at Will from his position next to his uncle.

"I'm sorry Will, I've been trying to get him to stop but _someone_ keeps laughing every time he does that." Erin says side-eyeing Jay.

"It's fine" Will laughs wiping the pasta off his shirt "Jay used to do the exact same thing when I tried to feed him as a kid."

"So _that's_ where he gets it!" Erin exclaims "Now I've got one more thing to blame you for."

Jay simply rolls his eyes at her jokes before continuing to eat his dinner. The three adults sit in silence, the occasional sound coming from their scraping cutlery across plates. Will eventually gives in.

"Okay, what's going on?" Will says putting his drink down.

Jay looks nervously at Erin who pats his shoulder softly before standing up "Let me put Ben to sleep. Can you start putting everything away?" Erin nods and they both stand.

Will gives Ben a smile and kiss goodnight as Erin picks him up and heads into the bedroom before helping Jay pack away the leftovers and put their dishes in the sink. They finish up and take their beers moving to the couch to sit. Will seats himself across from Jay whose sitting up in the single chair while Will takes the couch. He can see Jay's tense stance, and can feel the worry rise in him.

"I want to talk to you about Aaron." Jay starts.

Will groans "Not this again. Look Jay, I get that you don't want to see Dad. That's fine! But he's my father too, and I don't want to lose my brother again because I choose to have a relationship with Dad, it's not –"

"Will." Jay interrupts "It's fine. I've been thinking about what you said actually and … I would like to come and see him with you."

"Seriously?" Will looks at Jay in shock.

Jay sighs setting his beer bottle down on the coffee table in front of them "Look Will, I can't guarantee that we're going to make up and be one big happy, Brady Bunch kind of family. But, I have questions that I need answered and he owes me that much."

"And then that's it? You get your answers, and then what?"

"That's all I can handle for right now." Jay nods "We'll see how it goes after that."

Will stays quiet for a few minutes "Just … Promise me you'll listen to everything he has to say. And please, for my sake, don't get into an argument with him. Please?"

"… I'll try."

Will nods at his answer, the two brothers going back to their beers, there's an awkward silence that Jay doesn't like.

"Okay, change of topics." He chuckles "How are things going with you and _Natalie_?"

Will rolls his eyes at Jay's sing-song tune that he has when he says Natalie's name "She's dating Jeff Clarke."

"The firefighter?"

Will nods "He's changed to a medical profession, and it turns out he and Natalie's husband were buddies from their Army days."

"I'm sorry buddy." Jay empathizes.

"It's alright. I mean it hurt at first. But I just want her to be happy, and Jeff makes her happy."

"Look, don't bite my head off." Jay chuckles "But can I make a suggestion?"

Will motions for him to continue "Natalie's said that she doesn't feel the same way, and I think you're starting to realize that. So why not try and move on?"

" … Well, there is this pathologist. Nina." Will smiles sheepishly.

"Oh my god Nina is awesome!" Erin exclaims coming into the room  
"And she's totally crushing on a certain Dr Halstead." Erin says in a teasing tone as she sits on Jay's lap in the armchair.

Jay's arms circle around her waist as Erin snuggles into his body "And how do you know all this?"

"She told me when I went out with Kim, Gabby and Brett for drinks last week. I believe she used the word adorkable."

"What the hell is –"

"And why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Jay interrupts his brother.

Erin gives Jay a cheeky smile "I do have my own life Jay Halstead."

"Yeah, but this concerns _my_ brother. I should have been informed."

"Aww, are you feeling left out." Erin says in a childish tone.

"No." Jay says rolling his eyes at her.

Erin leans down, her nose brushing against Jay's gently "Okay, the next time there's any gossip about your brother, you'll be the first person I tell. Deal?"

Jay smiles sweetly "Sounds good." He says leaning up to kiss her.

"Um … Can you two be sickeningly sweet somewhere else?" Will interrupts before their lips touch "I'd like to keep my dinner down."

Erin looks up at Will, her face heating up as the blush spreads quickly across her cheeks "Sorry Will. Kind of got side tracked there."

"Clearly." Will replies "Now, what the hell does _Adorkable_ mean?"

"You know; Adorable but in a dorky way."

Will groans "She thinks I'm a dork!?"

Erin chuckles "Trust me Will, she _definitely_ likes that you're dorky."

Jay and Will both look at her suspiciously "What else are you hiding Erin Lindsay?" Jay asks.

Erin simply shrugs before replying "What happens at girls' night, stays at girls' night."

"Erin." Will says annoyed

"All I will say is that if you ask her out, you won't regret it." Erin says "Now, did you two sort everything else out?"

Jay nods "Yep, I'm going to come with him to meet Aaron. And, I was hoping you would come too?"

"Of course." Erin smiles kissing his cheek.

The three sit for a little while longer; Will sharing some childhood memories of him and Jay, Jay reliving memories of their mother, Erin telling Will about her pregnancy with Ben. Hours passed before Will left, having an early shift at the hospital the next morning and needing rest.

"I'm seeing Dad in two days, we're having lunch at a diner near the hospital. I'll text you the details." Will says as he walks out the door.

"Sounds good. Thanks man." Jay nods.

"I'll see you guys then, thanks for dinner Erin." Will replies.

"You're welcome anytime Will, I enjoyed having you over." Erin tells him.

Will smiles in return before walking down the stairs and exiting the building. Jay shuts the door and sighs heavily, wrapping his arms around Erin as she tucks her head under his chin.

"You sure about this?" She whispers against his chest "There's no rush, if you're not ready."

Jay shakes his head slightly "I have to do this now, or I'll chicken out."

"Just as long as you know you don't have to do it alone."

"I know." Jay smiles kissing the top of her head "Thank you."

"Always. Come on, let's get to bed." Erin smiles, taking Jay's hand in hers and walking to her bedroom.

* * *

Jay sat nervously beside Erin in the Diner. They had arrived early and had been waiting for 15 mins for Will and Aaron Halstead to arrive. Erin could feel Jay's leg bouncing nervously next to her and she placed her hand on his leg gently squeezing it, urging him to relax. Jay looked over at her smiling nervously.

"It's going to be okay babe, if you feel uncomfortable or it gets to be too much, you just let me know and we'll leave. Okay?" Erin says.

Jay nods "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here." He brings his hand up to hers and places a gentle kiss against it. They hear the bell chime above the door and look up to see Will enter, their father following behind him.

Erin lets her eyes take in the appearance of Aaron Halstead. His dark raven hair is greying slightly, his square face structure masked slightly by the slight droop of his ageing skin. His body is lean, clearly he's kept good care of himself during his younger years and Erin notes that for a man in his 60s he looks like he's in his 50s. But the one thing she notices the most are his eyes; the same blue eyes that _his_ two sons share. The same eyes _her own_ son has inherited. It seems to be a Halstead trait, along with the smirk that he was sporting when Erin first met him.

"Jay, it's so good to see you again." Aaron smiles warmly as he and Will sit down across from he and Erin.

Jay nods not willing to make conversation. Erin smiles and reaches her hand across the table "It's nice to meet you Mr Halstead, I'm Erin Lindsay. We met briefly at-"

"At your son's birthday." Aaron replies shaking Erin's hand "I do apologize for my behavior that night. I was nervous about seeing Jay again, but it's no excuse for my tone towards you."

"It hasn't stopped you before." Jay muttered bitterly.

Erin gives him a pointed look, silently reminding him of his promise to his brother to behave himself.

"I understand Mr Halstead, and you can call me Erin." She replies politely.

"Well in that case you can call me Aaron." Erin nods at his response.

The waitress comes over and asks them what they'd like, each placing their orders quickly before she nods and walks back to the kitchen. An awkward silence takes over the table and Jay decides to get straight to the point.

"So, why are you here?" He asks

Aaron coughs self-consciously, placing his coffee down on the table "I've been wanting to get into contact for a long time. I've been in therapy for a while, Lucy basically forced me to but it's helped a lot."

"Lucy?" Jay asks.

"… She's my wife. She has been for almost six years now."

Jay scoffs "So you barely waited _a year_ before you moved on with some other woman!?"

"Jay, just let him explain. Please." Will begs.

Erin slips her hand into Jay's, silently offering him strength. Jay takes a few deep breaths in, letting his anger settle. He looks back up at his father nodding his head for him to talk.

"Lucy and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 14 and dated all through high school. But Lucy was moving to California for college, so we thought it would be better if we broke up. I was heartbroken, I thought she was the love of my life." Aaron starts.

"What does this have to do with our mum?" Will interrupts.

"You both know I met your mother in college; she was the first person since Lucy to make me feel alive again. I really did love your mum, no matter what happened I want you two to know that. Your mother and I did love each other, and at the time I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

"So what changed?" Jay asks him.

Aaron lets out a deep breath before continuing "Two years after Will was born, Lucy and I met again. She was working for DCFS and she was assigned to a child that I had been treating at the hospital who had been involved in a domestic abuse situation. We started talking again, and it was like nothing had changed. She was still that same girl I fell in love with in high school."

Erin can feel Jay holding her hand tighter, both assuming where his father's story was going "You cheated on her."

"I guess, emotionally, yes. We fell in love all over again." Aaron says "We'd kissed a few times, but I never slept with her, not while I was still married to your mother. After a few months, I had made the decision to file for divorce from your mother, but before I could tell her she told me she was pregnant again."

Realization stirs within Jay "You stayed because of me."

Aaron nods "Originally I was still going to ask for the divorce, but Lucy … She told me that she couldn't be responsible for tearing a family apart. That Will and our unborn child deserved the chance to have a family. So I stayed, and she moved to a department in Boston. I was devastated, it felt like losing her all over again. I began to withdraw from your mother, I blamed you for being the reason I couldn't be with Lucy." He says looking to Jay. "I know it wasn't your fault, but I was just so upset over losing her again, I couldn't express the anger and heartbreak that I was feeling … So I took it out on people who didn't deserve it."

Jay and Will were both stunned silent. Jay felt overwhelmed; He had wanted answers for so long, but he never thought this would be a possible reason as to why his father had hated him so much growing up. Why he was so unloving towards his mother and lacked any nurturing emotion towards him.

"So all of this was because you couldn't be with her? You belittled me _every day_ of my life, you treated our mother like she was _nothing_ because you weren't _man enough_ to go after what you wanted?" Jay exclaimed.

"Jay…" Erin whispered softly trying to calm him down.

He shook his head at her "This is unbelievable! My entire life, I grew up thinking that I wasn't enough! You disowned me when you found out I was going to be a Ranger instead of a doctor, you let mum suffer through her cancer while you were living it up with some other woman! I can't believe you would -"

"I didn't know about her cancer Jay." Aaron interrupts him

"What?" Will speaks up "She was already in stage 2 by the time you guys started divorce proceedings, how could you not have known?"

"Your mother came to me one night, after Jay had left for his first tour. She sat down next to me at the kitchen counter and she just … handed me divorce papers. I know I had treated her poorly, but for some reason I was still surprised. She had found about Lucy somehow, so she gave me the papers and told me she understood why I had acted the way that I had. She told me to sign the papers and go find Lucy and get her back before it was too late."

"You seriously expect me to believe this?" Jay scoffs

"You can check the date we signed, it was three weeks before your mother told you she had cancer." Aaron says sadly "She told me that we had made each other's lives difficult enough for so long, and that we both deserved happiness. She wanted to live with the two of you free from me, and I wanted to be with Lucy. She told me that she appreciated the fact that I stayed for so long, and that while You boys may never forgive me for being such a terrible father, she forgave me for my shortcomings as a husband, that life was too short to hold grudges. I signed the papers and moved to Boston to find Lucy within a week. I just assumed the divorce would be finalized and sorted out. I didn't realize we were still married until I had been informed of her passing."

"Wait, you two were still married?" Erin asks.

"When I left, I told my lawyer to just take care of everything and give your mother whatever she wanted. However, what my lawyer didn't tell me was that our divorce was put on hold while your mother went through her chemotherapy sessions because she was deemed unfit since she wasn't in the right mind frame. Apparently she kept telling the judge she didn't want anything from me, she wanted the divorce to be finalized, however they wouldn't agree to it until she was better. So technically we were separated, but your mother was still legally my wife when she died."

"I don't understand, if you guys were still married, how come her assets didn't all just go to you when she died? We both received the inheritance she kept for us." Will questions.

"Your mum drafted a new will a few months before she died. I guess she knew that the three of us still wouldn't be speaking, so she divided all her assets in her will so that I wouldn't have to be responsible for doing so after her death. The only thing she left me was a letter." Aaron explains to him.

"What was the letter for?" Jay says quietly.

"She wrote it a few days before she died. A lot of the things in there were private to the two of us, memories we shared and things she had always wanted to tell me but never did. But the main thing she asked of me was to explain everything to you two when I was ready and wanting to try and reconcile things between us."

"So you've decided after _six years_ of silence, that now was the perfect time?" Jay says in disbelief.

"I didn't open the letter until last month. Like I said earlier, I started going to therapy a year ago. I realized that I still had some unresolved issues that I needed to sort out involving our family, and my guilt over how I handled the entire situation with Lucy and how I acted to both your mother and you Jay. Lucy and my therapist, Dr Reynolds, both convinced me that it was time to read the letter, that I should know what your mother had to say to me, whether it was good or bad. I didn't come to see you straight away because I didn't want it to seem like I was just doing this because it was your mother's wish. I wanted you to know that I truly am sorry, for everything. I was a terrible father to you Jay, and you too Will. I should've been there for you two more than I was, and I shouldn't have treated you differently because I was mad Jay."

"You think an apology is just magically going to fix everything?" Jay exclaimed "You left! I was in Afghanistan, Will was doing his residency in New York, and you just up and left without a word! We tried to find you, Mum needed your help! She could barely afford her medical bills, she couldn't keep up with maintaining the house or doing anything she needed to. It was the worst time in our lives and you were nowhere to be found!"

Erin takes both of Jay's hands in his now, quietly begging him to stay calm, to just hold on a few more minutes and then they'll leave.

"I'm not demanding your forgiveness here Jay. I wanted you to know the truth, because you _both_ deserved it. I wanted you to know that I did love your mother, even if I wasn't always the best husband, it wasn't anything that she or you did to make me this way, it was my own inability to deal with my emotions. I wanted you to know how sorry I am, and that _if_ you do give me another chance I will do everything in my power to be there for you guys, and to be a better grandfather to Ben than I was a father to you."

Jay's breathing was erratic, he couldn't focus "I … I have to get out of here."

And with that he shot up out of the booth and ran out the door. Erin sighed as he sped out before her, turning to face Aaron again "I'm sorry …"

Aaron shook his head "It's okay, honestly I was expecting worse."

Erin smiles kindly "Give him some time, he might come around." She says before looking to Will "You good here?"

"Yeah, I've got some more things to talk about with him." Will smiles reassuringly to her.

Erin nods before racing out of the diner and after Jay. She spots him leaning against their car, hunched over with his hands on his knees, gasping for breath.

Erin kneels beside him placing her hands on top of his "Easy there babe, deep breaths. In and out. In and out." She repeats.

Her voice is a calming presence over Jay, and he focuses in on her voice, doing his best to listen to her. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. He can feel the burning in his lungs subside, and he looks up to meet Erin's eyes.

"You alright?" She asks softly.

"No." He says as tears build in his eyes "I don't … What do I do with this Erin? I don't know how to process all this."

Erin hugs him tightly to her, letting his tears fall on her shoulder as he buries his face there "Let's get you home okay? And then we can figure this all out, together."

 **A/N: So, a bit of an odd place to end but I really couldn't find a way to write the ending that didn't sound completely cheesy haha**

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter and Aaron's backstory and insight into Jay's family! I've read a lot of stories that make Jay's dad sick with some kind of disease and he and Jay reconcile only for him to die, and while I love those stories I want to try and redeem the character of Jay's father so I hope you're all happy with the way I've written him!**

 **Please leave me a review and let me know what you think, and if there's anything you'd like to see in the story, suggestions are more than welcome!**

 **Maddie :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I'm SO sorry it's taken so long to update! I had a really hard time figuring out what to write, but I've also been really sick the past few weeks and spent pretty much all of my time sleeping :P**

 **Anyways, thanks for sticking with me on this story and for all the reviews and messages :)**

 **(PS: Excuse any typos, it's midnight and I just wanted to get this up for you guys)**

 **Enjoy!**

 _December 2015_

"Explain to me why we needed a fresh Christmas tree?" Erin groaned as she and Jay held onto Ben's hands as she somewhat unsteadily walked between them.

It had been a week since Erin and Jay had had lunch with Aaron, and for the most part their lives had returned to normal. With Christmas two weeks away, they were both getting Erin's apartment ready and teaching Ben how to walk. Over the past month, their little boy had been slowly advancing from crawling to walking; holding onto the coffee table or his parent's hands to aid him. The entire unit had yet again been placing bets on when Ben would walk, ranging from the next few days to just before the new year.

"Erin, I've always had a fresh Christmas tree, since I was a kid." Jay answered.

"But I hate snow." Erin whined dragging her feet.

"You love snow. You know you do." Jay chuckles looking over at her.

Erin narrowed her eyes at him "... I don't love it when I have to trudge through snow up to my ankles trying to hold our kid up too."

Jay sighed and stopped in his path and Erin looking at him curiously before he picked up Ben and placed him on his shoulders, the little boy grasping onto his father's hair and giggling loudly at the motions he felt every time Jay moved.

"Happy now?" Jay grumbled continuing to walk.

Erin frowned catching up to Jay and linking her arm in his "Hey. You know I'm just being a grouch right?" She said.

"I know." Jay sighed "I'm sorry, it's just … Christmas was always my favorite holiday. I just wanted to carry on those same traditions with you and Ben."

"I'm sorry. It's just that it's our first day off in three weeks. All I thought about doing was curling up with you and Ben in front of the couch and not moving for the whole day." Erin said cheekily.

Jay looked down at her with an understanding smile "How about this; if we don't find a tree within the next … 3o mins, we'll go home and snuggle on the couch for the rest of the day. Deal?"

Erin smiled brightly "Deal."

They found a tree within 15 minutes and were loaded up on their way home. Luckily Erin's apartment had an elevator which made talking the tree up to her third floor apartment a lot easier.

As promised, Erin and Jay ordered lunch and then chose a child-appropriate movie to watch before snuggling up on the couch together, Ben drinking some juice from his sippy cup as he lay across Erin and Jay's upper legs, while Erin rested herself against Jay's side while his arm was wrapped over her shoulders holding her to him.

Their intimate family moment was interrupted as Jay's phone started to buzz. He reached to grab I off the coffee table, checking the screen before clicking the lock button silencing the incessant buzzing and throwing his phone on the couch beside him.

"Who was it?" Erin asked looking up at him.

Jay's eyes remained focused on the TV screen "No one important."

Erin didn't buy it. She reached across him and grabbed his phone checking the notifications.

 _3 missed calls: Aaron Halstead_

 _5 unread messages: Will Halstead_

 _2 unread messages: Aaron Halstead_

"Jay." Erin spoke sternly "You can't just keep ignoring him."

"I'm not ready to deal with him right now Er." Jay replied.

"Jay, come on –"

"I don't want to talk about my dad right now. I just want to enjoy spending the day with you and this little guy." Jay cuts her off reaching down to tickle Ben's sides.

Erin inwardly groaned. _'Those damn Halstead men are as stubborn as the other.'_

LINEBREAK

It was now the next morning and the intelligence unit were starting a new case.

"Okay, here's what we know." Antonio says placing two photos on the board "This is Jason Summers. 56, doctor at Chicago Med. He worked for over 30 years and is one of the most respected doctors in his field."

"And this" Voight jumps in pointing at the second photo "is Jason Summers as of four hours ago. M.E. reported strangulation as the cause of death, but there is also severe bruising of the chest that they reckon is from a few weeks ago."

"So it's possible that however he got those bruises, is linked to how he died?" Adam asks.

"It's likely. But we need to find a concrete link between the two events." Antonio replied.

Jay walks up the steps, placing his coat on the hook near the stairs before walking towards his desk.

"Sorry I'm late, traffic from the daycare was insane. I swear they need a –" Jay stopped short as he saw the board "Oh my god."

"What is it?" You know him?" Alvin asks.

"Uh, yeah. He's an old family friend. He and my dad went to med school together, he was like an uncle to me and Will." Jay explains.

"I'm sorry Halstead. But, do you know anyone who would want to harm him?" Voight asks.

Jay shakes his head "I haven't spoken to him for a few months, not since the case with Keyes happened. Even then he didn't mention that anything was wrong. He mentioned a few disgruntled patients, but that's nothing new."

"Why would any of his patients hold a grudge?" Erin finally speaks up.

Jay shrugs "It was more the family members of patients, especially after the patient dies. When you've got a doctor with one of the highest oncology success rates, people tend to put a lot of faith in him. And when the patient passes away, they often blame him. They're blinded by grief more than anything."

"… I can start looking into the patient's families sarge?" Atwater says after a few moments.

Voight nods his approval "Alvin, Ruzek, look into Summers past. See if there were ever any suspicious activity with anyone he was connected to. Lindsat, Check if any patients or family have a criminal history or any legal pursuits against Summers. Antonio, look into everyone he was in contact with the past week." Voight orders "Halstead, my office."

Jay nods and follows his boss, glancing at Erin and giving her a small smile in an attempt to reassure her that he's okay. Jay sits down across from Voight at his desk waiting for his boss to speak.

"Look, I don't want to take you off the case But, if I this gets to be too much, then I'll understand."

"I'm fine." Jay answers bluntly.

"Okay." Voight replies "But with that being said, if I think your emotions are clouding your judgement, I'll pull you off this case without a second thought. Understood?"

"Yes sir." Jay says.

Voight nods at him and Jay stands up and heads to his desk. He opens up the file on Jason's murder and begins to catch himself up on the case, according to the M.E. the time of death was 4 am. Jay examined the pictures of the man who had been a big part of his life, his body lying in his backyard.

"Erin." Antonio whispers.

Erin walks over to his desk and Antonio points at the log sheet for visitors at the hospital. Erin's eyes scroll until he sees the name Antonio was looking to.

 _December 9_ _th_ _2016  
Sign in: 8:45 am.  
Visitor: Dr Aaron Halstead.  
Ward: Oncology, Dr Summers.  
Sign out: 9:30 am._

"Isn't that …" Antonio trails off.

"His dad." Erin sighs.

She looks up and sees Jay's empty desk, spying him standing in the breakroom making himself a cup of coffee.

"I'll tell him." Erin says standing up and walking in the direction of Voight's office.

Erin walks quietly into the breakroom, observing her partner for a moment as he puts the ground coffee into the machine and starts it waiting for the liquid to fill the pot.

"Hey." Erin says with a smile as she moves to stand next to him "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just hard to believe someone could do this to him. He was so kind Erin, when my mum couldn't afford the medical bills, he paid for some of them himself. Did I ever tell you my parents named him after me?"

Erin shakes her head no "… Jay, have your dad and Dr Summers stayed in contact over the years?"

Jay frowns "I think a little? Jason said they'd seen each other at some of the medical conferences over the years. Why?"

"Uh, your dad visited him at the hospital two days ago."

"Wait. Are you saying you think my Dad did this?" Jay's voice rose as he asked the question.

Erin immediately panicked "No no no! It's just that, maybe he knows something about who could've done this?"

"They've barely had a meaningful conversation in years. Do you really think Jason's just going to tell my Dad something that personal to someone he's barely spoken to!?" He exclaimed.

Erin shrugs in response "Maybe not. But they were friends for years before your parents split, sometimes people turn to an old friend in times of need. Either way, you know Voight will want to talk to him about his visit."

Jay braces himself against the counter, taking in a few deep breaths before he spoke again "I know. I just wish my Dad would just go away. If he's not in my life, he's in my work."

"I know babe. But he could help us with the case, and either way he deserves to know his friend died." Erin rested her hand on his should kissing his cheek "Look, if it's too much I can take Antonio with me?"

Jay shook his head quickly "No, I should do it. He'll be more likely to talk if I'm there. He doesn't want to risk screwing up our relationship anymore." Jay chuckled bitterly.

"Jay. Seriously, maybe you should sit this one out. I don't think you're –"

"I'm fine." Jay snapped "Let's just get this case over with."

Erin nods patting Jay on the back before moving out of the breakroom. Jay fills his cup of coffee before proceeding to Voight's office and knocking on the doorway.

"Hey, did anyone do the notification?" Jay asks.

Voight shakes his head "Patrol's heading over there soon, we still need to question her."

"I'll do it." Jay says.

Voight nods his head and Jay heads into the main office, tapping on Erin's desk as he walked past her and Erin stood up and followed him out of the office and down to the car.

LINEBREAK

Jay and Erin walk up the stairs of the Summers' household, both pausing at the door for a moment before Jay knocks on the door. They hear footsteps inside and then the door opens revealing a mature aged woman standing in the doorway.

Erin notes her curly orange hair, pale freckled skin and her bloodshot green eyes – evidence of her tears. She's slighter shorter than Erin herself but her hunched posture makes it hard to be sure. A small smile graces her sad face as she looks at the two detectives.

"Jay." She says warmly opening her arms.

"Hi Alice." Jay bends down slightly to give the woman a hug before the two detectives enter the house.

"Erin, this is Jason's wife Alice. Alice, this is my partner Erin."

"I've heard so much about you dear." Alice says shaking her hand.

Erin smiles warmly "It's nice to meet you Mrs Summers, I wish it were under different circumstances."

"Me too. And please, call me Alice."

"Of course." Erin replies following behind Jay as the three walk into the living room and take a seat.

"This place hasn't changed." Jay smiles looking around.

Alice chuckles softly "That husband of mine is, _was_ , such a neat freak. He didn't like mess, everything had a place and that place never changed."

Erin stays quiet listening to Jay and Alice reminisce for a few moments, knowing she'll have to break their conversation soon enough.

"Alice, I'm sorry but we do have a few questions for you."

"Of course." Alice replies.

"Can you walk us through that night? How did you find your husband?" Erin starts.

"I had gone to bed around 10:30 the night before, Jason had called and said he would be late because a last-minute surgery came up. I woke up around 6:00 am to use the bathroom. The window in there faces towards the backyard and ..." Alice's voice starts to break.

"I saw the light on so I headed downstairs to turn it off. That's when I saw him. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't move." She cried.

Jay reached over and placed his hand on top of Alice's to comfort her, Alice smiling back gratefully as Erin asked "Do you know anyone who would want to harm your husband?" Erin asks.

Alice shook her head "I mean, he had a few grieving patients but most of them let it go and apologized months later. There was one woman though. I went to visit Jason for lunch and she was in the office with him."

"Can you describe her for me?" Jay asks.

"She was blonde, hazel eyes. Maybe your height, detective Lindsay? I'm not really sure about much else." Alice explains "I just remember they were yelling. It was all muffled though, and when I asked him about it he just said that her daughter was a patient and she disagreed with the course of treatment that Jason was pursuing."

"You didn't believe him?" Erin asked.

"There was just something about the way he acted. I've known him for 25 years, we've been married for 20. I could read him like a book." Erin smiled slightly at that, looking over at Jay who looked back at her, smiling slightly as well.

She snapped out of her daze, focusing back on Alice. "Do you remember when this was?"

"About 1:30, last Thursday."

Erin nods writing down the details in her notepad "Thank you." Erin and Jay both stood up, Alice standing too and leaning in to hug Jay.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call okay?" Jay whispered hugging her tighter.

"I will, I promise." Alice whispers back so softly that Erin almost missed it.

They head out the door, waving to Alice as they drive off. They sit in silence as they reach a red light. Erin looks over to see Jay gazing out the window, and she reaches over and pats his hand quickly.

"Hey, you okay?" Erin asks.

Jay reaches his hand over and rests it on her thigh, squeezing gently "I'll be fine."

The light goes green and Erin continues to drive "You know, I was thinking we could take Ben and visit Alice again after we finish the case, maybe have dinner together?"

Jay smiles and leans over to kiss her cheek "You're too good for me, Erin Lindsay."

"I know." Erin says with a smirk.

Jay laughs softly as the two continue to head to the district.

LINEBREAK

"So, what have we got so far?" Voight asks when Erin and Jay walked up the stairs.

"The wife says he had a suspicious woman visit him at the hospital a few days ago. Apparently they were arguing." Erin debriefs the team.

"A few of the patients that Summers treated were criminals, but they all alibied out for the night of the murder." Antonio says "Same for most of his visitors at the hospital. We're still trying to track a few people down."

Jay sees Antonio glancing at him and he knows; his father is one of those people.

"What about the families" Voight asks looking to Atwater.

"We talked to all the family members of any deceased patient who had been noted as disgruntled in Dr Summers files. They all said the same thing, once they were less upset and had time to process their loss a bit more, they were remorseful and apologized to Summers."

"We're missing something." Jay mumbles flipping through the file once again.

"What time did the wife say she came to visit?" Antonio asks sitting down at his computer.

"Last Thursday, around 1:30 pm." Jay answers.

"Okay, the oncology departments visitor log has a Deborah Allen, says she came at 1:00 and left at 1:40." Antonio says.

"That's got to be her." Jay exclaims "Have we got an address?"

"Yeah, 1145 Rosewood Lane." Antonio replies.

"Dawson, Atwater. Bring her in." Voight orders.

The two detectives nod and head out the office, Antonio stopping at Jay's desk on his way out "Jay, your dad, he's the only one who hasn't responded to our calls. We can't clear him until we do."

Jay sighs nodding and heading into Voight's office "Hey, you mind if we –"

"Go for it." Voight says not looking up from his paperwork.

"Do you want us to bring him in?" Jay asks.

Voight looks up and shakes his head "No, just find out what he knows and see if he has any idea who could've done this … And check his alibi."

Jay heads back into the bullpen and knocks on Erin's desk and she stands from her desk following him out of the office.

LINEBREAK

"So, what brings you two here? Not that I'm not happy to see you, of course I am, I just didn't think –"

"We're actually here on an official police basis." Jay cut in stopping his father's rambling.

"Oh, of course. Sorry." Aaron replies looking down at his coffee cup "So, what's this about then?"

"I'm really sorry to have to tell you this Aaron, but Jason Summers was murdered last night."

" … What?" Aaron says shocked.

Erin looks to Jay who remains quiet "Uh- he was drugged. Do you have any idea who could've done this to him?"

"I … I'm not sure. He had a few disgruntled patients over the years but –"

"What about Deborah Allen?" Jay finally cuts in "Alice said she and Jason had an argument a few days ago."

"Debbie …" Aaron sighed "She was Jason's fiancée."

"Jason had a fiancée before Alice?" Jay exclaims.

"Yeah, it's not something he mentions a lot. Ali knew he was engaged but she didn't know to who. They didn't end on the best of the terms."

"Is there any reason she would be in touch with him now?" Erin asked.

Aaron shrugs "I can't think of one. They haven't spoken in over 25 years."

"Okay." Erin replies writing down the details "I'm sorry Aaron but we have to ask, where were you between the hours of 11pm and 6 am last night?"

"I had surgery from 12:30 am until 4. I stayed at the Chicago Med for a few hours in one of the rooms they have. I would never hurt him."

Erin nods her head "Okay."

"We should get going." Jay says standing up.

Erin gives Aaron a smile "Thank you for your time."

Aaron nods his head walking the two out of his apartment. The two detectives are almost in the car when they hear Aaron calling out for Jay. Erin looks at her boyfriend, who gives her a nod and she gets in the car while he walks to meet his father on the pavement.

"What is it?" Jay asks.

"I just wanted to know if Alice had been notified, I don't have her number to contact her and her home phone isn't in service anymore."

"She's still at the same address, you're welcome to go see her." Jay snaps back.

Aaron sighs "Look, I get that you're mad with me, but Jason was a part of our family. I know what he did for your mother, and I'm sorry that you lost him. But I lost him too. If you want to be mad at me fine, but not today."

Jay closes his eyes taking a few deep breaths "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Jay…Do you think we could talk?" Aaron says looking shyly to his son.

"I'm busy right now."

"Of course. Just, uh, let me know."

Jay doesn't say anything further, not wanting to give his father false hope. He simply nods, turning away from Aaron and walking to the 300.

LINEBREAK

Jay stood behind the two-way mirror the next day, watching Voight and Alvin take Deborah Allen's statement.

"My partner Matthew, he did this." Deborah whispered sadly.

"What makes you think that?" Alvin asked.

"He told me."

Voight sat down next to Alvin "Look at this from our perspective Ms Allen. You're partner has no motive to kill Dr Summers, you however do. He left you for another woman."

"I didn't kill Jason, I loved him. And when he left me, it broke my heart, but I never had any hatred towards him. I was actually grateful that he broke up with me before we were married instead of waiting until after, and us resenting each other down the track."

"But it still doesn't explain _why_ he would do this." Alvin argued.

"I fell pregnant after Jason and I broke up!" Deborah cried "I was first … intimate … with Mathew a week after Jason and I broke up. And then I found out I was pregnant. I didn't tell Jason there was a possibility the baby was his, I didn't want him to feel trapped into a family he didn't want. And I really thought Mathew was the dad."

"So why now, over twenty years later, would it matter?" Hank asked.

Deborah sighed softly "Jake was in a car accident a few weeks back. It wasn't too serious luckily, but the doctors wanted us to both be tested as a match for blood donation just in case. It turns out Mathew's blood type is completely different to Jake's, there's no way the two could be biologically related."

"So Mathew was angry." Alvin stated.

"At first he didn't say anything, he just told me he wanted to make sure Jake was fully recovered and they would talk about it. But he was livid. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't purpose, that I really did think he was the dad. He kept rambling on about how he was going to make us both pay for doing this to him, for pretending all this time and toying with his feelings. That was a few days before Jason was killed."

"Jason was injected with a high dose of Cyanide, how would Mathew get his hands on that?"

"He works part-time as an exterminator, Cyanide's found in a lot of the pesticides they use." Deborah explains.

Erin walks into the room Jay was standing in placing her arm on his shoulder "You okay?"

Jay nods "I will be once we catch this guy."

LINEBREAK

"So, he's confessed. The State's Attorney reckons he'll get minimum 20 years." Jay says as Alice holds Ben's hands, helping him to stand on his own in front of her position on the couch.

"That's a relief." Alice says distractedly as she watches Ben "I'm glad, Jason can rest in peace now."

Jay and Erin both smile watching Alice play with Ben, the little boy bouncing up and down on his legs excitedly. There's a knock on the door and Alice hands Ben to Jay going to answer the door.

"He's getting so big." Erin says softly stroking Ben's cheek as he giggles at her.

"I know, he's almost talking and walking. It's crazy."

Erin sighs softly "I missed so much those weeks I was away, I can't believe how much he's grown since then."

"Hey." Jay says looking to her "It's in the past now, we've moved forward from that right?"

"Right." Erin nods kissing him.

Alice comes back into the room, dropping a box down on the dining table before whisking Ben back up into her arms and bouncing him around as she walked across the living room.

"Who was that?" Erin asks.

"No one." Alice quickly replies.

Jay eyes her suspiciously "Alice?"

"…It was your dad. He just wanted to pay his respects, I told him you were in here and he needed to leave."

Jay can feel Erin eyeing him and he turns to look at her, already knowing what she's trying to say. _  
He's your dad.  
He deserves another chance._

"I'll be right back." Jay says standing up, Erin squeezing his hand as he walks past her.

Jay runs out of the house, seeing Aaron walking down the street to his car.

"Hey!" Jay yells trying to catch up to his father.

Aaron stops walking an looks at Jay "I'm sorry, didn't mean to intrude."

"I know. Uh, I was actually wondering if you wanted to come inside."

"Really?" Aaron says shocked.

Jay nods "We're having dinner with Alice, sort of celebrating Jason I guess. You're welcome to join us."

Aaron smiles brightly "I'd really like that."

Jay smiles slightly as well, walking back to the house with his Dad. Erin is standing at the doorway waiting for their return, smiling when she sees Aaron in tow.

"Nice to see you Aaron." Erin says shaking his hand.

"You too Erin." Aaron replies, the smile never leaving his face.

Erin wraps her arms around Jay's waist while Aaron heads inside "You made the right decision."

"I hope so." Jay says.

 **A/N: Okay, so this feels like a REALLY long filler chapter, But I wanted to kind of fast-track all the Aaron drama and just get him and Jay on the path to reconciliation, which is what this chapter tried to do!**

 **I hope you liked it, and please leave a review! They motivate me to update faster! I'll try to get another update up this coming week, I start university soon so I want to try and update as much as possible before that happens!**

 **Maddie :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind – Chapter 17

 **A/N: Hey! I tried my hardest to get this update up ASAP, but I actually ended up re-writing the whole chapter because I had a light bulb moment haha so sorry for the delay but I hope you like it! Sorry if it's a bit dialogue-heavy.**

 **Enjoy!**

 _25th December, 2015_

"So, you ready for tonight?" Will asks as he sits at the breakfast bar feeding Ben.

"Nope." Jay chuckles "But I might as well bite the bullet right?"

Will smiles as Jay sits down next to him "I know it's not easy, but thank you for trying."

Jay looks up at his brother and smiles as well "Erin's right, Ben should know his grandfather. And maybe it's time we try to put all this drama behind us, for our own sanity."

"Good morning!" Erin exclaims as she walks into the kitchen.

Ben giggles happily as his mother bends down to kiss his cheek, followed by a kiss to Jay's lips.

"Ugh, could you two wait until I finish my breakfast please?" Will says with a smirk.

Erin narrows her eyes at him "Well Merry Christmas to you too Doctor Halstead."

Will stands up and engulfs Erin in a hug, Erin groaning as he purposely squishes her in his arms "Merry Christmas sis."

Jay frowned "Since when did you become sis?"

Erin smirks over at her boyfriend "You don't have to know _everything_ that goes on in my life."

"Well, I am a detective. It's kind of in the job description."

Erin rolls her eyes and sits down next to Jay pinching a piece of toast off his plate and kissing his cheek "Merry Christmas baby."

"Merry Christmas Er." He whispers back.

Their quiet moment is interrupted by Ben's cheers of "da" clapping his hands begging to be released from the confinement of his high chair.

"I'm telling you, the kid's first word's gonna be Dad." Jay states placing his son in his lap and taking over from Will the job of feeding him.

Erin rolled her eyes "Not this again. We've had this same argument for the past two weeks."

Jay just shrugs in response "I'm just stating the facts Erin."

"He says 'Ma' just as much as 'Da' thank you very much. He could say either of our names first." Erin pouts.

Will lets out a short laugh "You two are crazy, arguing over which word he says first. Either way you're both going to melt into a puddle of goo when he says his first word. You two spammed me with videos and texts for _a month_ after Ben started crawling."

Erin smiled sheepishly "Well, we're Ben-obsessed. Can you really blame us?"

"Well I think you should worry less about the kid talking and more about him _walking._ I mean, I know Nat said he might be a little slow to take to it but come on, It's been three months already and – Hey! Are you two even listening!?" Will exclaimed when he saw Erin and Jay too engrossed in one another to look at him.

Will just shook his head and sighed. Those two were so in love with their kid, but deep down he loved it despite all his teasing of the two parents.

"God you two are so sickeningly in love, you need to just get married already." Will rolled his eyes.

Jay laughed as Erin blushed "Trust me Will, that ain't happening."

Will felt his heart drop as Jay turned away, his little brother oblivious to the heartbroken look that took over Erin's face.

LINEBREAK

Erin sits between Kim and Gabby later on that afternoon at Hank's. The fire and PD teams had decided to have a lunch together at Hank's house, before the Intelligence unit's Christmas dinner while Firehouse 51 was on shift.

Erin was trying her best to pay attention to the conversation, but she couldn't help but think back to Jay's statement this morning. Did he really not want to marry her? She knew they hadn't been together long, but she always thought marriage was an option in the future for them.

"Hey!" Kim exclaimed snapping her fingers in front of Erin's face "Earth to Erin. You with us?"

Erin shook her head, focusing her eyes on her friend's face "I'm sorry." She said sheepishly.

Gabby smirked at the detective "Daydreaming about Halstead?"

"You'd know about that wouldn't you?" Kim joked, the girls' laughter dying short as they saw Erin's sad face.

"Ok, what's going on?" Kim asked.

Erin sighed softly "Jay doesn't want to marry me."

"What!?" Gabby exclaimed. Erin's eyes widened as some of their colleagues looked over at them. Gabby gave an apologetic look, returning her question to Erin softly this time "What do you mean he doesn't want to marry you."

"Will made a joke about us getting married and he said, and I _quote,_ that 'trust me, it ain't happening'.

Kim placed her hand on Erin's shoulder gently "Don't take this the wrong way Erin, but I never really pictured you for a marriage kind of girl?"

"I didn't think I was." Erin shrugged "but with Jay … It's different. I see a life with him, one that I didn't think I could have before. And knowing that the idea of marrying me is so ridiculous to him ..."

"He didn't say it was ridiculous Erin, maybe he just doesn't want to get married at all." Kim argued.

"Kim. He's mentioned marriage before. Back when we all had dinner together he mentioned it. But for some reason when you chuck me into the equation it's suddenly a repulsive idea."

"Okay, you're being dramatic." Gabby cut in "You got to calm down Erin, why is this bothering you so much? Matt and I had never planned on getting married either, we never really saw ourselves as the marrying type and now look at us, engaged to be married."

"That's not the point Gabby. It hurts. The way he reacted … It just really hurt me."

"Maybe you should tell him that." Gabby stated.

"The last thing I want to do is cause drama for us. The past few months have been great, and with the exception of my run-in with Bunny and Jay's dad unexpectedly showing up, things have been running smoothly. I don't want to risk rocking the boat."

"Erin, he needs to know." Kim said "You can't just keep going like this, without him knowing what you want or what you're feeling, that's not healthy."

"We've only been together three months Kim, and clearly it's not like marriage is a pressing issue at the moment anyways."

"Okay, you do you Erin. But I'm going on record as saying I don't agree with this. The longer things sit the more it's going to explode in your face.

LINEBREAK

Jay had no idea what had happened. Erin had been so happy this morning. they were both sickeningly lovey-dovey in front of his brother. They they got in the car to head to Voight's and it was like she had done a complete 180 on him.

The entire car ride has been tense, Ben's baby babble filling the silence between them. Jay's attempts to make conversation were denied as Erin simply sat in the passenger seat leaning her head against the window, her normal calm composure was gone, and Jay was very aware of the fact she wasn't usually holding her hand on the console between them while he drove.

"Hey." Will says as he and their father walk up to Jay, passing him a beer "You alright?"

"Erin's been ignoring me the whole lunch. I don't know what the hell happened between this morning and now."

"Women are crazy man, you should've seen the way Laura went off at Sylvie for looking after Diego last week." Antonio says with a roll of his eyes.

"You want to talk crazy? I'm dating _Dr Charles_ daughter. Try being psychoanalysed by your girlfriend's father every time he sees us talking."

"I always knew Erin was crazy." Jay laughed "This is something else." He said with a swig of his beer.

"Maybe the fact that you basically rejected her as your wife this morning." Will said.

Aaron patted Jay on the back as his son choked on the sip of beer he was taking. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You told Erin you didn't want to marry her this morning. No wonder she was pissed."

"Yeeeeah, that'll do it." Aaron laughed as his son recovered from his shock.

"Why don't you want to marry Erin?" Atwater said from where he'd been standing silently next to Antonio "She's already punching well above her weight dating you, you don't want to rock the boat."

"I never said I didn't want to marry her." Jay said softly, still getting his breath back.

"Bro, think about what you said. _Really_ think about it." Will replied.

Jay's eyes widened in realisation " ... I didn't mean it like that!"

"Well she seems to think you did." Burgess said walking up to the men "And she's pretty damn hurt."

"Dammit." Jay groaned looking at his friends "I fucked up."

Aaron chuckled softly "Well then you better tell her that, and fast. The longer you let it sit, the worse it's going to get."

Jay simply nodding, giving his father an appreciative smile before walking off to find his girl.

 **A/N: Okay, so this chapter was almost 5000 words so I've decided to spli it into two chapter instead so it doesn't get too boring to read all in one go. I'll have the next chapter up in one or two days.**

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter, it's leading to an important conversation for Linstead that I've had planned since around chapter 3 so hopefully you all enjoy it!  
**

 **please leave me a review and let me know what you think and if there's anything you'd like to see.** **  
**

 **I'll try to have two chapters up by the end of next week as I'll be going to Paris next Sunday for the One Chicago Convention (!) and won't be updating until I get back.**

 **Hope you're all having a good week,**

 **Maddie :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sooooo I kinda fucked up the storylines a little in terms of relationships ... oops.**

 **So for the sake of this story we're going to pretend Antonio and Brett started dating around 3x10 of Chicago PD and Connor and Dr Charles daughter (I forget her name ...) started dating recently - About 3x12 of the storyline of PD so late season 1 of Med after the girl Connor was dating left. I'm seriously terrible with remembering names that aren't Lindsay or Halstead Lol. Anyways sorry for the confusion**

 **Also the LINEBREAK thing is weird and I don't know how to put one in of the FF app so instead ive written "~ABHYLB~" in place.**

 **PS: Shoutout to my faves Daddy Savage Lord (who has "waited a century for a new chapter") and Charmita you guys are amazing xx**

 **Enjoy!!**

"Erin! There you are." Jay said as he ran up to her.

Erin sighed as she turned to face Jay, Ben resting comfortably on her hip as he drank from his bottle. She had come upstairs to her old room to put Ben down for his nap and, if she was being honest with herself, to escape Jay.

Kim had told her Jay was looking for her, and she knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. But she just wasn't ready for that conversation.

"Hey, I'm just putting him down for his nap." She says signalling for him to stop talking.

Jay lowers his voice but doesn't stop "we need to talk about this morning, I know what I said may have been misinterpreted but -"

"Jay it's fine." Erin says "I need to put him down for nap, I'll see you downstairs."

"Erin please, can we talk about this?" Jay pleads.

"I don't want to." She says stubbornly

Jay lets out a frustrated sigh "Erin I didn't mean it like that."

"Are you sure? Because I'm having a hell of a lot of trouble believing that." She snapped

"Of course I'm sure! What the hell have I done to make you think otherwise!?" He exclaims "Erin you've got to believe me, I didn't mean it the way you think I did."

Erin's quiet for a few moments, placing Ben down in the spare crib Hank keeps for his grandsons. Once she's sure he's down for his nap, she looks back at Jay putting her hand against his chest and pushing him out of the bedroom so they don't wake their son.

"It's not that I don't want to believe you Jay. But there's so many things that have happened between us, it's just hard to believe that you didn't meant it." She says softly.

"Erin I've done everything I can to show you how much I want to be in this with you, since the moment you've been back."

"But we've never even discussed what _this_ is!" She yells "I told you I loved you that first night I came back, and you threw it in my face! You rejected me then just like you did this morning! And then two months later we're dating again and now it's like we were before I left, we're practically living together but we've never _actually_ talked about what the hell were doing! What _are_ we doing Jay!?"

He can hear the pain in her voice, the hurt she's held onto since that first night they spoke after she returned.

" ... I didn't realise marriage was something you wanted." He spluttered out.

Erin rolled her eyes, frustrated that from everything she said, that was what he got from the conversation.

"I've never said that I _didn't_ want to. I just always thought that when I found the right guy I would. But apparently the idea of marrying me is so ridiculous to you-"

"I never said that!" Jay yelled cutting her off "Excuse me for thinking that my brother bringing up _marriage_ to the girl who wouldn't even go on a date with me until _two years_ after me first asking, was a level of commitment that would freak you out! You're not exactly known for your keenness on commitment."

"You and I have a kid together Jay. I would've thought that was enough reassurance of my commitment to you." Erin griped.

"Even with us having a kid it still took you a year after you got pregnant to even consider starting any kind of relationship with me!"

"Well you know what -" Erin began but was cut off as Hank appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Hey! I don't care what the hell you two are yelling about but it needs to stop _right now._ We've got guests and your voices travel. Not to mention you're going to wake your son."

Erin glared at Jay and then stormed off, barely muttering a "sorry Hank." as she passed him.

Jay held onto the bannister, his knuckles white from his tight grip as he tried to reign in his anger.

"You want to tell me what that was about?" Hank asked "I would've thought after our conversation last week things would be going good for you two. Unless she said no?"

"I haven't even gotten around to asking her yet." Jay grumbled out "I said something this morning that was ... misinterpreted, and Erin's gotten herself all riled up before even letting me explain."

Hank pats Jay's shoulder as a sign of understanding "look, I'll keep Ben with me tonight. You two talk."

"You don't need to -" Jay began to protest.

"I want to. Besides, Justin and Olive should be here tonight so it'll give me a rare chance to look after both of my grandsons." Hank said with a gentle smile.

Jay smiled, somewhat strained, back at Hank. In the few months since Erin had left the two men had grown closer, Jay would almost call it a friendship.

"Just remember." Hank said "you hurt her and they'll never find your body."

Like he said. _Almost_ a friendship.

 **~ ABHYLB ~**

Erin and Jay walk into her apartment quietly, Erin waiting to see if Jay will stay or go. To her surprise he stays, and while she goes to shower he heads into the bedroom to change and get into bed.

She stays under the hot water longer than she normally would, knowing that when she emerges she and Jay will have to talk, but she doesn't want to just yet.

The water starts to turn cold slowly and that's when Erin knows she no longer can hide. She gets out and dries herself off, slipping on her pyjamas and taking her time in drying her hair and brushing her teeth.

Wen she finally enters the bedroom she sees Jay's already lying on his side, and from the light of the moon she can make out his right arm stretched out to her side of the bed and she can't help but smile. Even in his sleep he still needs her.

She moves quietly, not wanting to wake him, and slips under his arm and the doona cover, scooting in close to him and laying her hand over his heart. It's quiet for a few moments, and Erin begins to believe that maybe he really is asleep, until his voice startles her.

"Can we talk?" He whispers into the darkness.

Erin nods against his chest as he continues "I'm sorry about this morning. I never meant for you to feel like I didn't want to marry you."

"I get that we're not at that stage yet Jay. But, I would like to know that it's at least a _possibility_ sometime in our future."

"It is Erin." He said looking into her eyes "I can't wait for the day I get to ask you to be my wife. You have to know that, please."

Erin nods her head again "I do. And I'm sorry, I should've told you about everything I was feeling. I guess I've been holding onto some leftover anger from before, and it wasn't fair to just load that all onto you tonight."

"... you know I love you right?" He says after a few moments "At the risk of sounding cheesy, I've loved you for a long time now. Somewhere during our partnership, it just happened. And I never said it because I was scared, especially after you left, that maybe Ben and I weren't enough to make you happy."

Erin sat up slightly hovering over Jay "you and Ben are _everything._ Dont ever think anything different. If it weren't for you Jay, I wouldn't be here. You're my whole world."

Jay smiles softly leaning up to kiss her as she mumbles against his lips "I love you too, you dork."

He pulls back after a moment and slides out of the bed to grab something from his drawer in her room. He sits back down leaning against the headboard so she can lean into his side as he holds out a black box.

"I had this made a couple weeks ago, I was finding the right time to bring it up." He said handing the box to her.

Erin eyes the box curiously, opening it cautiously she spots a key sitting in the box. She looks up perplexed.

"It's for our new house." He says nervously "Hank helped me. It's got five bedrooms, so there's room for guests or ... if we expand our family ... and a really nice backyard for Ben to play in. There's an ensuite bathroom and a massive window in the kitchen to overlook the yard. The current owners need two months before we can move in so it gives us time to rent this place out to pay off the last bit of the mortgage." Jay keeps rambling off facts but Erin's mind is frozen.

"You bought a house?" Erin says shocked.

"I wanted to show you I was serious about us. And that, even though we still have our struggles, we're a family."

"Do you have a photo?" She asks, still trying to process everything.

Jay nods reaching over to grab his phone, and Erin notices he has a whole folder in his photos dedicated to photos of this house. And he's right; it's beautiful. There's a wrap around porch and a beautiful porch swing near the back entrance. The rooms are spacious but not too lavish, and the house looks like a place you'd raise a family in. A place that was built for good memories.

"It's perfect." She smiles, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Does that mean you'll move in with me?" He asks nervously.

"Of course!" She exclaims leaning over to kiss him.

She can feel his smile against his lips as their moment progresses, her fingers toying with the top of his boxers.

"I think we should celebrate." She whispers mischievously, but Jay could hear the undertone of nerves in her voice.

Jay raises an eyebrow in curiosity "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." She says pulling her singlet off and tossing it behind her.

Jay groans as he takes in the sight of her bare body "I love you Erin Lindsay. So fucking much."

Erin looks down shyly feeling the blush spread through her face from Jay's heated gaze. She can see the lust and desire in his eyes, but that's not what causes the colour to rise to her cheeks. it's the complete and utter love that she can see wash over his face. No one has ever looked at her like that before, and she never wanted to be looked at like that by anyone other than Jay Halstead for as long as she lived.

And in that moment, any nerves that were present had vanished, replaced by the overwhelming love that surrounded them, that flooded his eyes and her heart.

"I love you too Jay Halstead." She said leaning back down to kiss him, the two partners pouring out all their love as they both finally lost themselves in one another.

 **A/N: the ending may have gotten a bit cheesy there but I never intended to make this a smut story so I tried to imply the sexual undertones without actually writing in detail :P**

 **so, like I said in my author's note ALLLLL the way back in ch 2, I was never going to make this a simple 'I forgive you' kind of story for Linstead. I had always planned for that 'l love you' scene back at the beginning (Ch 4) to have a ripple effect which is what I tried to show here.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it and I hope those that PM'd me asking for some kind of sexual innuendo for Linstead liked the way I tried to do it! As always please leave a review they make me very happy and inspired!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Words cannot explain how sorry I am for the long wait! I lost inspiration for this story and wasn't sure where to go, but I've kind of figured it out a little?**

 **Anyways, for those who are still reading thanks for sticking with me! Hope you like what I have coming up, I'm going to try and wrap this story up in about 10 chapters or so. I've also started a new Linstead story so feel free to check it out :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 _February, 2016._

"I can't believe the size of this place!?" Aaron said shocked as he carried in one of the boxes containing Erin and Jay's belongings from their respective apartments.

New Year's Eve had come and gone quietly, the whole unit spending the night together with all their families. Aaron and Lucy had joined them also. Jay was beginning to feel more comfortable around his father and step-mother, Erin and Lucy had grown closer and Ben had loved the additional grandparents to dote on him.

Erin smirked as she looked at her father-in-law "I know, my man's got good taste

"He got that from his mother." Aaron said quietly with a smile.

Erin smiled softly at the mention of Jay's mother. Over the past couple months, she had gotten to know more about the woman who raised Jay. Aaron and Lucy would come for dinner once every two weeks and there was always a childhood story to be told, with Jay and Will giving their mother daily heart attacks the topic of every one.

"Okay, that is the last one!" Jay exclaimed as he brought in the last cardboard box and set it down in the spacious living room, Atwater and Ruzek following behind with the couch.

"Man, how come I got stuck lugging this thing?" Ruzek groaned "Why couldn't you just hire movers? Or better yet, sell the damn thing and buy a new one. That way the movers come with the new couch."

"That couch has sentimental value Ruzek. Break it, and I'll break you." Erin glared at him.

"Do I even want to know?" Atwater chuckled.

Jay just rolled his eyes, looking over and smiling at Erin who winked in return before walking back into the kitchen to finish unpacking.

LINEBREAK

"We're finally done." Erin said as she flopped down onto the bed.

Jay chuckled as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his chest "You did good today." He whispered "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help more."

Erin shrugged "It's okay, I know you've been busy with the case."

Hank had given Erin and Jay the week off to unpack and settle into their new home, but after the unit had received a case Jay had been called back in three days later. Unfortunately, this left Erin with the bulk of the moving process. Luckily the team had wrapped up the case within a few days and were able to come by and help Erin move the last of their things into the new house.

"Now we just have to unpack the rest of our bedroom, and the living room, and then we're _finally_ done." Erin yawned as she snuggled further into Jay's chest.

Jay smiled, leaning down to kiss the top of her head "Night Erin."

"Night." She mumbled tiredly.

Jay lay there watching Erin sleep. He couldn't believe that he got to spend the rest of his life with this woman, that he got to raise his son with her. After everything they had been through, it was nice to finally feel like everything was working out.

He was broken from his thoughts when he heard Ben stirring from his sleep over the monitor. Not wanting to wake Erin, he gently rolled her to the other side of the bed and pulled his arm away from her, quietly slipping out of bed and walking into the nursery next to their bedroom.

"Hey bud." Jay whispered softly as he picked up a whining Ben "What's up?"

Ben snuggled into Jay's chest, seeking the comfort of his father. Jay smiled at the action; Erin was normally the one to get up with Ben at night, which rarely happened anymore, so Jay enjoyed the fact that he could experience this one-on-one time with his son.

"I hope you like the house Ben." Jay whispers into his son's ear as he sits down in the rocking chair "I made sure it had a big backyard, when you grow up I can teach you how to play soccer and corn hole, maybe some boxing. That one we won't tell mum about."

"Da" Ben murmured sleepily and Jay felt his smile grow wider.

"Don't tell your mum, but I'm a little scared buddy. Everything is going so well, life is never usually this kind to your mum or I. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially with tomorrow."

He could feel Ben's breathing even out against his chest, and he looked down and saw his son peacefully sleeping once more.

' _Probably best.'_ He thought _'Not exactly the most uplifting conversation to have with your son about life. Idiot.'_

LINEBREAK

Erin awoke an hour later, reaching her hand out only to feel cold sheets beneath her fingertips. She frowned in confusion, quickly getting out of bed and looking for her boyfriend.

"Jay?" She whispered when she entered the living room, seeing him sitting on the couch watching a documentary.

"Hey." She said again sitting down next to him.

Jay stayed silent, instead wrapping his arm around Erin's shoulder and pulling her into his side. She sat quietly waiting for him to initiate the conversation, wanting him to feel comfortable talking to her about whatever was on his mind.

"I'm sorry I woke you." He mumbled looking down at her.

Erin's eyes met his and she smiled softly "Are you okay?"

Jay nodded his head "I was just thinking about mum. It's her birthday tomorrow."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Erin frowned.

Jay shrugged "You were so happy about moving in, I didn't want to ruin that."

"Jay, talking to me about things is never going to ruin anything. Yes, I'm excited about moving but that's because I get to live with _you_ and be a family. You can't just keep things inside because you think it'll upset me. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Just keep yourself in check Halstead, one more slip up and you'll be sorry." Erin said with a smirk.

Jay chuckled softly and stood from the couch, pulling her up with him "Let's go to bed?"

Erin nodded "I'll meet you in there. I might as well put on a load of washing while I'm up."

"And you say _I'm_ the house-husband." Jay chuckles turning off the TV.

Erin rolls her eyes and shoves his shoulder as he walks towards the stairs "I'll be up in a minute."

She waits a few minutes to make sure he's not coming back down, and rushes into the kitchen. She picks up the phone and dials Hank's number.

' _Hopefully he won't be mad about this.'_ Erin thought to herself as Hank picked up the phone.

" _You better have a damn good reason for disrupting my sleep Erin Lindsay"_ Hank's gruff voice came through the phone.

"I need a favour…"

 **A/N: Okay, so this was intended to be longer but it's been a while and getting back into the swing of things when it comes to this story was harder than I thought. I have a plan for the next chapter though and it will definitely be up soon!**

 **To anyone still reading, thank you for waiting for so long I'm so sorry I'll try my hardest not to leave updates this long but I can't make any promises with my uni and work schedule right now.**

 **Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

 **Maddie :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, I'm trying really hard to stay on top of my updates but it is a challenge.**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter, I've got something big planned as we head towards the ending of this story too …**

 **My linebreaks are not working properly so sorry if it the scene just randomly changes it's probably because the linebreak didn't work.**

 **Also I don't think I've named Jay's mum in a previous chapter but if I did and anyone remembers please let me know haha**

 **Enjoy!**

 _February, 2016._

Jay woke up the next morning, his eyes could feel the light of the sun hitting his face and he grunted rolling over to pull his girl closer to him. He was surprised when he felt cold sheets; Erin was never an early riser, and she _never_ beat him out of bed before.

He opened his eyes slowly and took in the clock on her bedside table. His eyes widened as he saw the numbers _9:35_ and jumped out of bed rushing into the living room.

"Erin! It's already 9:30 why didn't you wake me!?" He exclaimed as he looked through their laundry basket for a clean shirt "Hank's going to kill us, I can't believe you-"

He stopped short when he turned around and took in the sight before him. Erin Lindsay _cooking_. He looked at the breakfast, eyeing the pancakes, waffles and fresh fruit she had layed out. Ben was sitting happily in his high chair munching on a banana which was now 90% mush in his hands.

Ben giggled excitedly when his father came into view, and Jay bent down to tickle his son's little belly and whisper a soft "hi bud" against his hair before making his way to his partner.

Erin smiled as she felt Jay's hands wrap around her waist and his chest brush up against her back. She turned her head slightly to face him so he could kiss her cheek.

"Good morning." She smiled.

"Morning." He mumbled against her cheek "What's all this? We're late for work Er."

"Actually, Hank gave us the day off." Erin said "I thought we could spend the day together, maybe take a trip. You up for that?"

"A whole day with my two favourite people? Of course." Jay smiled moving to sit at the breakfast bar with Ben "So, who knew you could cook?"

Erin rolled her eyes "I can cook … I just prefer you doing it."

"Sure." Jay mumbled as he picked up a strawberry "But I don't know why you made so much, there's only us two."

"Well, I made everyone's favourites." Erin smiled "Ben likes fruits, I like pancakes, you like waffles-"

"French toast?" Jay asked confused as she placed the plate down and sat next to him.

"For your mum." Erin said softly.

Jay felt his throat tighten as she said it, and he reached out to hold her hand "Thank you." He whispered.

Erin leaned over and kissed his cheek once more, lingering for a moment in an attempt to offer more comfort.

She heard him sniffle before pulling back and looking at her again "Let's eat, I'm starving."

"Good, because I made a lot." She laughed guiltily "I may have not checked how many people the recipes serve…"

* * *

 _"_ _I can't believe you're leaving me." Jay groaned as he pulled the razor down his neck._

 _Erin rolled her eyes "It's just for a couple nights. I promised Hank, we do it every year for Camille's birthday."_

 _"_ _I know." Jay sighed "I'm just going to miss you."_

 _"_ _Me too." Erin smiled before putting out her hand "Gimme that."_

 _Jay raised an eyebrow as he looked from the razor to her hand "You want to shave me?"_

 _"_ _It can't be that hard." Erin said with a shrug._

 _Jay cautiously began moving the razor into her hand, Erin huffed and grabbed it from him, shuffling over on the vanity where she sat so that she was in a better position. Jay tilted his head back so she had better access and he held a breath as she placed the razor back against his neck and began slowly moving it downwards._

 _He breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled back and he hadn't felt the sting of the blade cutting his skin. "See, that wasn't so bad." She said teasingly._

 _Jay placed his hands on thighs, playing with the shirt of his that she was wearing "I could get used to it."_

 _He squeezed her legs gently just as she moved to shave his cheek, causing her to jump._

 _"Dammit Erin!"_

…

Do you have something you'd like to share?" Erin said pulling the razor back "Because if you don't stop giggling I'm going to cut you."

Jay narrowed his eyes at her "I do not giggle."

"Please, you giggle like a 12-year-old at a Bieber concert." She sasses back

"What does that even mean?" He says confused.

"It means stop giggling!" She exclaims waving the razor around.

"You're gonna maim me if you're not careful." He groans.

Erin rolls her eyes "Oh please, I've done this enough times. If I wanted to cut you I would. So, tell me what you were thinking." She continues to shave his cheek as he looks at her in the mirror.

"I was remembering the first time you did this." He says and she smiles slightly at the memory.

"You mean when you tried to feel me up?" She smirked.

"I think you mean when you maimed me." He rebutted.

"That was only because of your attempts to feel me up." She pointed out "Karma's a bitch Jay."

Jay grunts in reply, not liking that he can't win this argument "Okay, so where are you taking me?"

"Nup." Erin shook her head "You'll have to wait."

"Erin." Jay whined "You know I hate surprises."

"Jay, you surprise people more than anyone I know." Erin said eyeing him "Just let me do this one for you please?"

"Fine." Jay sighs.

Erin smiles and leans in to kiss his lips, Jay laughs when she pulls back and he sees the shaving cream that marks her face.

"You're lucky I love you." He grumbled wiping the cream off her face with his finger.

Erin simply smirked "I know."

* * *

An hour later they had the car packed and Jay was strapping Ben into his car seat as Erin put the picnic blanket into the boot.

"All ready to go?" Erin asked as she shut the boot.

"Yep." Jay smiled tapping Ben on his nose "Let's go."

…

Jay's eyes widened as he saw Erin pull up in the parking lot of the Chicago cemetery.

"Erin …"

"I know you miss your mum Jay. And I figured, with everything that's been happening with your Dad lately, that it'd be good for you to talk to her. Especially today."

She reached into the backseat and pulled a bouquet up of flowers that had been sitting on the floor of the car. Jay smiled as he saw the yellow daisies; both Erin and his mother's favourite flower.

"You two are so alike sometimes." He said softly.

Erin smiled "Go talk to your mum, we'll come soon."

Jay nodded and silently opened the door and stepped out of the car. He felt butterflies building in his stomach; he hadn't visited his mother's grave in years. It wasn't that he didn't miss her, he just couldn't bring himself to look at the headstone with her name on it and remember that once again, she wouldn't be there to see him grow up. To see his child. To meet Erin. To see how far Will had come since his reckless bad boy days in New York. She would never get to know how much her children loved her, how much they missed her.

"Hi mum." He whispered laying the flowers down next to the roses on her grave "I know it's been a while, I'm sorry."

He sat there for a few moments, contemplating what to say "I guess you probably already know, but Dad came back. It's been … hard. I never realised just how much you sacrificed for us. I was always so mad whenever he would yell at you, I never understood why you stayed with him for so long. But, listening to him explain it all, it made me realise how much you loved us. You stayed with him for us. And I'm so sorry you had to."

He felt the tears prick his eyes as he read the engraving on her headstone _'Kathleen Halstead ~ Loving wife, mother, sister and friend'._

"I wish you were here. Every time I see Ben smile or crawl, or really do anything new, I always think _'Mum would've loved this'_. And I know you're watching over us, but it's not the same. You should've been here. It wasn't fair. You didn't deserve this." He cried "I wish you could've seen how our lives turned out. How Will grew up and fell in love, how me and Erin found our way back to each other. I wish you could've met her mum; you would've loved her. She's the reason I came today."

"She would've been damn proud of you." Jay's head turned to take in his father standing a few feet behind him.

Jay quickly wiped at his eyes "What are you doing here?"

"I … It's the first year I've ever really been in Chicago on her anniversary. I just wanted to make sure she had some flowers, I thought you and Will would be at work. I can go-"

"No." Jay said softly "It's okay."

Aaron smiled softly and walked over to place his flowers down next to Jay's "Hi Kathy. Sorry it's been so long."

"You've visited her before?" Jay asks.

Aaron nods "I came for the funeral, but I didn't want to upset you or Will further, so I watched from a distance. I try and visit her every time I'm in Chicago; I guess, in some way, it's my attempt at trying to apologise to her. To be the husband she deserved when we were married."

Jay stays quiet, not sure how to respond to his father's confession "I miss her."

"I meant what I said Jay. She would be so proud of you and Will, she was always telling me that you two were destined for greatness. That no matter what, you'd find your way."

"That sounds like her." Jay chuckled.

Aaron smiled as he saw Erin and Ben in the distance, visiting another grave site "Your mum would've loved Erin. They would've two peas in a pod."

Jay chuckles at the thought "I wish she could've met her. And Ben."

"Umm, maybe it's not the best time to bring this up, but I actually have something for you."

Jay turned to look at his father once again as he pulled out a small red box from his jacket pocket and placed it in his hand.  
"I've been carrying it around with me since I first saw you, trying to find the right moment to give it to you. I guess it felt right to do it with your mother here."

Jay eyes widened as he opened the box and saw his mother's engagement ring "Dad…"

"I know your mum and I didn't have the best marriage, but she was my best friend. She loved me even when I didn't love myself. She loved you enough for the both of us, and she carried our family. And I know that she would've been so proud to see Erin wearing it."

"I can't Dad, Will-"

"I already talked to your brother. He understands." Aaron interrupted "And besides, as much as I like Dr Shore, you and I both know your brother's heart belongs to someone else. He's not quite ready to need a ring just yet."

Jay felt tears prick his eyes as he leaned over and hugged his father "Thanks."

Aaron smiled widely "I should be the one thanking you. I'm so grateful you gave me a second chance Jay."

Jay pulled back and looked his father in his eyes "I thought about not doing it, you know. But Erin told me I should take the chance, she thought it would help me let go of the past."

"You've got a good woman Jay. Never let her go." Aaron said sincerely.

"I don't plan to." Jay chuckled softly.

"I should get going, give you some time with your mother." Aaron said standing up to walk away, but stopped a few moments later "Jay … I know I don't say it, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you sooner."

"You're here now, that's what matter." Jay said softly "Thank you, Dad."

"Anytime, son." Aaron smiled.

* * *

"I don't know if I should bring it up with him or not." Erin said softly as she stood at Camille's grave "I guess I wonder if it's too soon to have that discussion."

"Hey." Jay said walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Hey." She said softly back.

Jay pulled her further against him as they both watched Ben sitting down in front of Camille's headstone, his little fingers running over the engraving of her name.

"You okay?" He asked.

Erin nodded her head "It just hits me sometimes, that Ben will never get to know his grandmothers. I know he's got so much other family, but there are moments when I think just how much I need her here. How much Ben could learn from her."

"I know what you mean. When Ben was sick, all I could think about was how much I wanted her there. Just someone to reassure me it was going to be okay. To tell me I was doing the right thing." Jay says "It's hard to live without them, but I know they're looking after us wherever they are. I can feel it."

Erin smiled and turned in Jay's arms to place a soft kiss on his lips "I love you."

"I love you too."

"What do you say we enjoy the rest of our day with our mums? I made lunch, we can stay here and you can tell me all about her." Erin asked.

"I'd like that." Jay smiled.

 **A/N: Okay, so this was originally going to be one chapter but the chapter ended up being 6000 words long and way too much so I'm going to post the rest of it in a few days!**

 **I'm wrapping up this story and there's still one more surprise in store before that happens, I'm excited for you guys to see it! As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think.**

 **Maddie :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Please read the note at the bottom it's important :)**

 **Enjoy!**

Erin and Jay lay content in one another's Arms later that afternoon. Ben was cuddled between them while Erin rested her head on Jay's chest as he retold stories of life with his mother. Ben started to fuss and Erin sat up, picking him up and letting him crawl around them, Erin encouraging him as he looked over at his parents every few minutes.

"You look good with a baby Erin Lindsay." Jay said, and Erin could hear the cheeky tone in his voice.

Looking at him over her shoulder she smirked before replying "You'll have to wait a little longer before you get to knock me up again Halstead."

Jay felt his heart warm at Erin's answer "so, you want more kids?"

Erin shrugged "I mean, we never really discussed it, but yeah."

"I didn't want to push you in the topic." Jay said softly.

"I know. And honestly, if we didnt already have Ben, my answer would probably be different. I didn't even know if I wanted kids when I found out I was pregnant, let alone how many of them I wanted." Erin said shyly "but I like the idea of having more mini Halstead's running around our household."

"I like that too." Jay said leaning in to kiss her "I love you."

"I love you too." Erin smiled brightly "do you remember when Jin died?"

Jay frowned at her sudden change of topic "Yeah. The doctors had put you on bed rest."

"I was so damn stubborn." Erin chuckled "I felt bad leaving work when Jin's murderer hadn't been found."

...

 _"Erin you need to rest!" Jay exclaimed as Erin continued trying to pull on her maternity jeans "the doctor said you can't be standing for too long."_

 _"I can rest at work Jay." Erin said as she struggled to bend down and get her shoes on._

 _Jay sighed and leaned down to help her slip on her black converse; her regular leather boots had proved useless when her feet started to swell in her third trimester._

 _"Erin, Hank will just send you straight back home and you know it."_

 _"Jin is DEAD Jay. I'm not sitting at home while someone tries to attack our family."_

 _Jay looked at her determined eyes "Erin, the doctors said you can't be at work. It's too much stress."_

 _"Sitting at home every day is stressful Jay! Knowing there's someone out there with an agenda of KILLING our team, our family. That stresses me out more than anything."_

 _Jay frowned as tears pierced her eyes "what's really going on Erin?"_

 _"...What if someone comes here?" She sniffled "What if they try and hurt the baby? I can barely tie my fucking shoes up let alone defend myself against some unknown cop murderer Jay."_

 _"Erin. No one's going to hurt you. Ever." Jay said determinedly._

 _"How do you know that, you can't guarantee anything Jay!" She cried._

 _He stood up slightly so that they were eye level with one another, his hands coming to rest on each side of her face so she had to look at him. His thumb came up to wipe the tears that began to fall from her eyes._

 _"I will NEVER let anyone hurt you, or our child Erin. I can't guarantee that no one will try to hurt us, but I can promise you that you'll always have me in your corner. I will ALWAYS protect you."_

 _Her head fell to his chest and he held her tightly for a few minutes. He kissed the top of her head before standing up and putting his hand out to her._  
 _"Come on, let's get to work."_

...

"I think that was the first time I ever knew, I could fall for you." Erin said softly "No one had ever promised me they'd always be there, not even Hank. And you kept your promise; you were there whenever I needed you. Whenever _Ben_ needed you."

"I always will be." Jay replied.

Erin leaned up and kissed his cheek, resting her head in the crook of his neck as they watched their son play "I know."

She felt her eyes close as she held her against him, allowing his warmth to consumer her. She'd never felt safer in her life than when she was in his arms.

A loud squeal broke their peaceful moment and both parents looked up to see their son standing unsteadily on his feet.

"Is he-"

"Don't make any sudden movements. You'll startle him." Jay interrupted her.

She elbowed his stomach "he's not a wild animal Jay." She muttered.

They watched with baited breath as Ben cautiously moved one foot, Jay slowly pulling his phone out of his pocket to record his son.

Erin felt her heart drop as Ben's legs started to wobble and she was ready to move in case his feet came out from under him, but the moment she waited for never came. Instead, his hands came out in front of him to clutch the headstone of his grandmother, and Erin felt the tears fill her eyes as he steadied himself before looking at his mother's open arms.

He squealed again before moving towards his mother, Erin leaning forward so he didn't have to go too far. Jay moved back so he could record the moment between his son and girlfriend.

"You can do it buddy, come on!" Erin said excitedly when the fear began to show on Ben's face. He smiled brightly before making the last few steps, falling into his mother's arms as Erin swooped him up and placed kisses all over his chubby cheeks.

"You did so good little man!" She cried as he giggled at the attention from his mother.

Erin turned to face Jay and saw the same tears in his eyes, she smiled before moving the short distance to him and kissing his cheek.

"I told you she was watching over us." Erin smiled as Jay nodded wordlessly.

"Thank you." Jay whispered "For bringing me here, I didn't realise how much I needed it."

"Of course. Always."

* * *

 _MARCH, 2016._

"Remind me why we volunteered for overtime?" Jay groaned as he and Ruzek sat in their patrol car

"And how did Platt manage to assign us the ONE car with no fucking heating? I'm gonna freeze my damn rocks off." Adam grumbled as Jay turned the corner and parked in front of a diner.

The two rushed inside, quickly sitting down so the waitress could pour them some hot coffee while she took their order. Jay thanked the young woman before holding the warm cup in his hands and taking a much needed sip, letting the warm liquid invigorate his body.

"So have you finished setting it up yet?" Ruzek asked when the waitress left.

Jay rolled his eyes "I told you it wasn't happening anytime soon man, I don't know what you want from me."

"You tell me that your father gave you the wedding ring your mother wore, so you could propose to Erin, and you're NOT going to do ANYTHING?"

"Shouldn't you be worrying about your own engagement? Kim's already pissed you guys had to push the wedding to next month." Jay said.

"She's fine, it's not like she could be mad at her sister for being put on bed rest. The woman was pregnant and had high blood pressure. We had no other option, now stop deflecting Halstead."

Jay sighed putting his cup down "Adam, Erin and I have only been living together for a month-"

"You two were shacked up the moment she left for the task force!"

"I mean officially. We're starting a life together, but we're only JUST at the beginning. Of course I want to be with Erin, but we've only been together six out of the seven months since she's returned. Erin's still getting treatment, I'm working things out with my dad. We're not ready for marriage just yet."

"I guess that's fair." Adam shrugged.

Jay smirked as he saw Adam's understanding expression, not being able to resist goading him one last time "plus, I already have a proposal date set."

Adam's head snapped up from his coffee within a split second "what!? Tell me-"

 _"Dispatch to patrol 2190"_

"Go for 2190" Jay said into the radio as he watched the disheartened look form on Adam's face.

 _"We got a 911 call, 38 Hillburry road. Reports of gunshots."_

"It's a block over." Adam said as Jay nods

"Hold us down to respond." Jay replied before throwing some money down on the counter and rushing back out to the patrol car.

"Chicago PD!" Jay yelled as he and Adam got out of the car "Someone call 911?"

"Me!" Jay turned to his left to see an elderly woman standing on the front steps of her house "I heard screaming, and then a gunshot. I tried calling but no one answered." She said worriedly.

"Which house, ma'am?" Adam asked as he looked around the street, trying to spot anything suspicious.

"36. It's the one right across." She said pointing to a quaint cottage house on the other side of the street.

"Ma'am, I need you to go back into your house and wait for another police officer to come and talk to you, okay?" Jay said before following after Adam to the house.

Adam reached the front door, Jay flanking his right side, both with their guns ready in their hands. Adam reached one hand up to knock on the door.

"Chicago PD!" He yelled, but was met with silence.

He nodded to Jay and stepped aside. Jay holstered his gun and held both sides of the staircase railing with each hand, lifting his leg up to kick the door down.  
Adam entered the house first, Jay following behind as they checked the foyer, dining room and kitchen - all clear.

Jay's eyes caught a glimpse of light coming from the living room, and he tapped Adam's shoulder and pointed to the light. Ruzek nodded, lifting his gun up as they walked cautiously into the room.

"Shit." Adam said as he and Jay took in the sight of the young women bleeding out on the floor. Her body was battered and her face was almost completely unrecognisable. Adam quickly dropped to the floor and placed his hands on the major wound in her abdomen "Jay we need an ambulance here right now!"

Jay quickly radioed in requesting for an ambulance and was in the middle of reporting the incident when he heard a creak come from the floor above them. His eyes widened as he looked at Adam, silently telling him to stay here and stay quiet.

He moved upstairs quickly and quietly, gun drawn out in front of him ready for the possibility that the intruder may still be inside the house. After checking the two bedrooms and bathroom, he came to the final door. He spelt opened it and looked inside, not seeing any signs that there was anyone in their with him.

He moved further into the room, checking the closet and the adjoined bathroom. He was about to yell to his partner that it was safe when he noticed.

"Adam, call Voight!"

* * *

It was almost 3am when the door to the Halstead-Lindsay household creaked closed behind Jay. But this didn't surprise Erin; it was expected when you worked overtime that you were working the longest hours at the most inconvenient times.

No, what surprised Erin was the sight of her partner with blood all over his uniform. And what surprised her even _more_ than that was the little girl with her arms wrapped tightly around her partner's neck.

"Jay..." She whispered taking in his blood-stained shirt and the little girl once more "what the hell is going on?"

"Erin, this if Emma Grace. Emma, this is my partner Erin. Can you say hi?"

"Hi." Emma said shyly.

Erin smiled gently as she leaned in slightly, watching Emma's eyes widen in fright. She stopped short and lifted her hand to wave at the little girl.

"Hi Emma."

Jay smiled gratefully at his girlfriend "I'm just gonna go put her in the guest room. I'll be back in a minute."

Erin nodded and watched as Jay walked up the stairs, she quickly turned off the lights and made sure the doors were locked before walking upstairs and waiting in their bedroom.

"Hey." Jay said walking into the room.

"Hey." She said softly "So, you want to tell what's going on?"

Jay sighed sitting down on the bed and facing Erin "We got a call tonight. A woman was murdered in her home. It was ... Horrific, Erin."

"I'm sorry babe." Erin said softly, leaning over to place her hand over his.

Jay nodded before continuing "I heard a noise from upstairs, Adam stayed downstairs with the vic and I went up to search the rooms. I found her in the closet of her bedroom. She was so scared Erin. I-I couldn't just leave her there."

"Can we keep her here though?" Erin asked "I mean, there's procedures we have to follow Jay. DCFS will have a field day-"

"I'm a registered foster parent Erin, DCFS doesn't have a problem with it." He interrupted her.

Erin looked at him in shock "when?"

"A few years ago, before I was in IU. a buddy of mine from the Rangers, he went down a dark path, his kid is my godchild so I went through the process of becoming an official foster parent so that I could look after her while he got help."

"Wow. You never cease to amaze me Jay Halstead."

Jay scooted closer to her and held her hands in his "Er, I know I didn't discuss it with you and I'm sorry for that. But there just wasn't time, DCFS was ready to take her, and we don't know if she has any other family or if the person who murdered her mother is going to come after her. I couldn't just let her -"

"Jay stop. I understand." Erin said leaning in to him "I would've done the same thing."

"So you're alright if she stays here?" Jay asks.

Erin nodded her head "of course. She needs to be safe while we try and figure out who killed her mother. Plus, I'm sure Ben will enjoy the company."

Jay smiled again leaning in to kiss his partner "thank you."

"Of course." Erin said softly "Now come get in bed, we've got an early morning ahead of us."

* * *

Erin woke a few hours later, Ben's insistent muttering so coming through the baby monitor on her bedside table. She knew he wouldn't be quiet for long and, remembering the little girl sleeping in the next room, she quietly slipped out of bed and walked across the hall to her son's room.

"Hi buddy." She said as Ben stood up in his crib, his arms stretching out as soon as she saw his mother. Erin swooped Ben up in her arms and walked into the next room to check on their guest.

She quietly opened the door, hoping the little girl was still asleep. She grew confused when she saw the bed completely empty, no sign of Emma ever having been there. She quickly checked the other rooms before running downstairs.

She let out a breath of relief when she saw Emma sitting quietly on the couch in the living room, her eyes focused on the rising sun outside.

"Hi Emma." Erin whispered softly.

The little girl jumped, eyes wide as she looked to see Erin and Ben standing near her "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you-"

"You didn't, I was just worried about where you went." Erin said reassuringly "Did you sleep?"

Emma shook her head "I saw my mama."

Erin slowly moved towards the couch, sitting down at the opposite end and placing Ben down in her lap. "Do you remember what happened?"

"My mama, she made me stay upstairs. I heard noises, and mama screamed, so I hid." Emma said softly "Is my mama dead?"

Erin felt her heart break at the little girl's questions "Why do you think she's dead sweetie?"

"Mama told me about it once. She said that bad men were chasing us, and that one day she might not come back." Erin heard Emma sniffle slightly and she reached her hand out to rest on the little girl's knee, not wanting to push her limits too far.

"I'm sorry sweetie." She said quietly "But I promise we're going to keep you safe, and we'll find the bad man who hurt your mum. Okay?"

Emma nodded her head before whispering "I like Mr Jay. He's nicer than the bad men."

"Jay's the best." Erin smiled "He is a very nice man, I promise."

"Talking about me?" Jay smirked as he walked into the room, leaning down to kiss the top of Erin's head before picking Ben up in his arms.

Ben squealed as his Dad hoisted him up in the air before pulling him back into his chest. Emma watched intently at the tender moment between father and son.

"Hi Em." Jay said leaning down in front of her.

"Hi Mr Jay." She replied quietly.

Jay smiled "My boss, Mr Voight, wants us to take you to the doctor today. We got to make sure you're okay."

Emma's eyes widened in fear "Are they going to put needles in me?"

Jay and Erin looked at one another concerned at Emma's quivering voice "No sweetie, they just want to make sure you didn't get hurt last night." Erin says softly.

"Emma, my brother works at the hospital. He's a doctor there, I'll make sure he looks after you." Jay says seriously.

Erin and Jay watch as Emma sits quietly, trying to make her decision "No needles?"

"No needles." Jay says seriously.

"Okay." Emma say softly "But … will you stay with me?"

"Of course." Erin says "Jay and I will be right there the whole time."

Emma smiles softly as Ben reaches over to her. Jay and Erin share a look as Emma cautiously begins to play with their little boy.

"You okay?" Erin asks him.

Jay nods looking over at his partner "We have to find who did this Erin."

"We will." Erin said determinedly "And when we do, they're going to pay."

 **A/N: Okay, so I'm trying to finish up this story, and this idea has been in my head since the beginning. I hope you guys like it!**

 **I'm curious, is anyone still reading though? Reviews were down the past couple chapters and I would really appreciate if you guys would review and let me know what you'd like to see; they always motivate me to write faster!**

 **This story is going to be wrapping up around the 30 chapter mark, so please let me know what you guys think and leave me some reviews xx**

 **Maddie :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hey guys, I just wanted to say thanks for all your reviews and the support of this story. I'm so sorry for the long wait but I am determined to finish this story before New Year's!**

 **The edition of Emma Grace has been part of my plan since the beginning of this story, and while there are quite a few stories like this at the moment, this story was inspired by the story 'Love Lives On' by imjustwriting; in which Erin and Jay have a little girl but adopt a girl whose mum was a victim in one of their cases.**

 **Hope you guys like the final chapters of Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind; there's one more dramatic ending I have planned before we're done …**

 **Enjoy!**

The visit to Chicago Med had been relatively quick. Erin and Jay dropped Ben off to Hank so they could focus on helping Emma Grace. Will and Natalie had been as quick as possible in conducting their examination, and Will was briefing Erin while Jay and Emma went to get a snack from the cafeteria.

"She has no signs of abuse or malnourishment. North Western had a file on her, so we got that sent over. But from all the tests we've done, she's a perfectly healthy child. But from all the tests we've conducted, she's a perfectly healthy child. I think she's just shaken up by last night's events." Will said looking down at his notes.

"You're sure there's no psychological abuse? She's so scared of me, Will …" Erin pressed.

"Her x-rays showed a break in her arm last year, but the notes on her file say that Emma Grace was in an accident; fell off a jungle gym at the park. There's several witnesses. And in regard to her psychological state, I think she's just in shock. She's lost her mum, and been put in the care of complete strangers. It's a totally normal reaction."

"That's a relief, at least." Erin said softly. Too many cases with kids had involved abuse; she was glad that Emma wasn't one of those.

"Hey." Jay said as he joined the two, Emma in his arms "Everything alright?"

"It's great." Will smiled, leaning over to tap Emma on her nose "Little miss is all good."

"That's awesome news." Jay said looking at Emma "How are you doing kid?"

"I'm glad Dr Will didn't give me any needles. They're scary." Emma said softly and the adults all smiled at her.

Jay turned to eye his brother "So Will, I saw Nina … Anything you want to tell me?"

Will smiled sheepishly "Oh, _that_."

"That?" Erin raised her eyebrow at him "What exactly is 'that'?"

"They broke up!" Jay said looking at Erin "Almost _two weeks ago_!"

"What!? Will!" Erin smacked his chest "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I meant to, but everything has been so busy. I haven't really had a chance to call or see you." Will explained.

"Will, you know you can call us anytime, especially for things like this. What happened?" Jay asked.

"She got a job offer in Boston. She asked me to come with her, and I couldn't say yes." Will said.

"Why not?" Jay asked "You two were pretty serious about each other."

"I have my family here. I don't want to miss out on seeing Ben grow up. And I like my job, I like the people here…"

Erin noticed Will's eyes wander to the person standing a few feet behind his brother and smiled slyly "You're still into Natalie, aren't you?"

Will sighed "Maybe? I have no clue anymore, but I do know that I couldn't bear the thought of saying goodbye to her. And it wasn't fair to Nina to commit to such a serious, life-altering decision when my heart wasn't completely invested."

Jay smiled and patted his brother's shoulder "You made the right decision bud."

"I sure hope so."

LINEBREAK

"So, what do we know so far?" Voight asks as he steps out of his office. Jay and Erin had come straight to the office after Emma's check-up, leaving the little girl and Ben to play in the break room.

"Victim's name is Haley Morgan. 22 years old. Cause of death is a gunshot wound, but the autopsy report also shows excessive assault prior to the gunshot, which also contributed to her death. ME reckons even _if_ they had fixed the wound, the blunt force trauma to her head alone wouldn't have given her much of a chance." Ruzek explains.

"What do we know about her family? Parents, boyfriend, anyone we suspect yet?" Voight asks.

Antonio walks towards the board, sticking up a photo of Emma "Her parents are both deceased. Her daughter, Emma Grace, is 4 years old. There's no father listed on her birth certificate, and so far we don't know of any guys in her life. She was working at a diner a few blocks from her house, hopefully someone there can give us some more insight."

"Antonio, take Atwater and check it out." Voight orders.

"Emma said that her Mum told her there were bad men chasing them. It's possible Haley was hiding something?" Erin said.

"Is it possible Emma's father is the one after them?" Jay adds.

"Well, we don't know who he is, so it's a possibility." Atwater shrugged.

"Hey, guys." Ruzek interrupted "FBI has a note on Haley Morgan's file? Agent Warner's name is attached to the original case file."

"What kind of case would she have with the FBI?" Jay asks confused.

"It's sealed." Ruzek shrugs in answer.

"Hank, I know Agent Warner. He's helped us out in the past before." Erin offers.

"Alright then, let's find out what he knows." Voight says "Halstead and Lindsay, you got this."

LINEBREAK

"So, how are you doing?" Jay asks while they drive to the FBI offices in downtown Chicago.

Erin frowned "Fine. Why?"

"I just wanted to check, I man I did just unexpectedly bring another child into our home, without discussing it with you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Jay said nervously.

Erin pulled over to the side of the road before turning in her seat to face Jay.

"Babe, it's okay. You're my partner, I support you with every decision you make; it's part of the job description." She laughs "But I like having Emma here. She's a sweet kid."

"So, we're okay?" Jay pressed.

"We're perfect." Erin leaned over and kissed his cheek "Now quit worrying. You'll give yourself wrinkle lines, and I can't have my boyfriend looking like he's 80 years old." Erin laughs as she pulls back into traffic.

…

"Detectives, nice to see you again." Erin looked up as the young man walked towards them.

"Agent Warner, thank you for meeting with us." Jay said shaking his hand and letting Erin do the same.

"Anytime. I do have a busy work schedule today though, so if we could keep this quick I would appreciate it."

"Of course. We have a victim of ours that has an FBI case file we need to access. Victim's name is Haley Morgan."

"Haley?" Agent Warner said shocked "She's dead?"

Erin looked at Jay, confused by Warner's reaction "Yes. Her body was found two nights ago."

"Warner, how do you know Haley?" Jay asked.

"She was my CI for a while. She was based in Detroit and I was just starting out with the Bureau, six years ago. She was in deep with this guy, Jonathan Hayes, big time drug dealer down there."

"How did you meet her?" Erin asked.

"She was arrested for possession, and the bureau sent me to try and flip her. She knew their relationship was toxic, but she was loyal to him. She thought he loved her. I kept in contact with her; gave her money, food, clothes."

"But she wasn't your CI." The question comes out more like a statement from Erin.

Warner nods "I know it wasn't appropriate, but I felt connected to her. I wanted to help her-"

"You fell in love with her." Jay says in realisation.

"Yeah, not that I realised at the time." Warner chuckles "She came to me about six months after she was first arrested. She had just found out she was pregnant- Oh God, Emma. Where is she?"

"She's staying with us at the moment, she's safe. I promise." Erin reassures him.

Warner shakes his head "Uh, she said she wanted out. Hayes wanted her to get rid of the baby. She told him she had an abortion, but she knew she only had a limited amount of time before he realised that she was still pregnant. So she gave me intel, and we planned a raid. We got almost everyone, but Hayes and some of his top men escaped."

"So that explains the sealed file." Erin said "FBI wouldn't want to risk any information being leaked that would risk Haley or Emma's life."

"Well clearly something went wrong Erin, she shouldn't have been found!" Warner exclaimed.

"Agent Warner, I understand you're upset, but unfortunately this happens. Sealed case files don't guarantee protection, but we _will_ find who killed Haley. You have my word." Jay says seriously.

"You don't understand detective, Haley and Emma _should never_ have been found." Warner sighed "The reason that I didn't already know about Haley's death, is because I haven't seen her in over two years."

"What happened?" Erin asks, confused once more.

"After the raid, it was too much of a risk to keep Haley and Emma in Detroit. Hayes could easily find them, and I _promised_ Haley I wouldn't let anything happen to her daughter. FBI decided it was best to not only relocate Haley and Emma, but give them new identities. So, we entered her in witness protection."

"That's why there's no family history or details about Haley before her move to Chicago." Emma says, everything finally clicking into place.

"Yes. The FBI frowns upon relationships, and it was too dangerous to keep in touch, so I let them both go. I thought she would be safe." Warner says softly.

Erin looks sadly at the young man, the heartbreak obvious in his eyes "I'm really sorry to push, but are you able to give us the case files for Haley's UC work? We need as much information as possible."

"Of course, anything you need. Just find Hayes, this _has_ to be him. He can't find out about Grace."

Erin's hand comes to rest on her friend's hand across the table, her eyes meeting his "You have my word. We'll keep her safe."

 **A/N: Hope you guys liked this chapter! I'm not 100% sure if Emma Grace is going to be around for the long haul; I have a plan either way but I'm curious what direction you guys would prefer? Should Emma stay or go? Let me know in your reviews!**

 **ALSO, I realised my last update was actually on the TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY of publishing this story!? Wow it feels like I only started writing this like two weeks ago haha but we're almost at the end and I'm sad to see it go!**

 **I'm so thankful for all your support these past two years, thanks for sticking with me!**

 **Hope you all have a wonderful New Years, see you all in 2018!**

 **Maddie**


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